What is this crying stuff i'm doing again?
Damn, you know, that dream is absolutlely nothing. It just means nothing now, it was stupid and I had an over reaction. Sucky stuff. I should just delete the entry and pretend it never happened.. but I can't do that because it's there, and it's something stupid I did.. just like all the other stupid things I did that are coming to mind. I'm really fucked up. Wow. Never really thought about it. I messed my life up so much right now, that all this stuff is coming back to hit me.
Why the fuck didn't I ask the office about second segment drivers ed? I didn't hear the announcement.. yes... but I could have found time in my lazy life to go down the hall and ask. Stupid me. Now look, I could have my license already.. and be driving the van my mom bought for me at the time.. but no. I'm moping around bitching because I can't drive mom's car because i'm too damn short, and my dad won't let me drive his because he's too afraid i'll get in an accident or something. Grrrrr. All this could already be over. I just want a damn vehicle to get places. Damn. I was looking foreward to coming home today, getting Karen and driving out to Macon.. not really for the driving experience, but to see Charles and today would have been a really good day.. because it was pissy. *shrugs* Oh well. Dad said no, Karen said yes, and Mom said yes. Uh.. hello.. no dad makes the decisions. Oh well. I'm over it. Today will finish up in oh.. i'm going to sit around in my room AGAIN and read, eat, watch tv, listen to my annoying cat and talk with random people online. Noooo i'm not going to be going to Lowes or some random place and fill out job applications.. to hell if i'm walking there.. it's just not going to happen. It shouldn't happen. I mean really, they expect the kids who have OJT's to drive to their jobs.. uh.. I can't. So what's the point?
College. Oh boy.. i've had the opportunity to figure that out since freshman year. I could have so started packing away money and figuring out what college to go to and what to do. No. I didn't. So Senior year, filled out two applications.. applied for zero scholarships.. broke as a doornail... no transportation to college if I get accepted. No job on top of that to earn money, no vehicle to get to the job if I had one. Vise grip situation and i'm not likeing it. Everything just needs to get easier. It's not going to happen.
What can I do? I mean seriously. I can't do anything more than I am already doing. I'm sitting around doing nothing. No homework.. why? Good grades, nice classes, homework done in class... no worries. College.. waiting on that. Scholarships.. no can do till I get an acceptance letter. Job? Uh.. yea.. no body is hiring... i've been checking. Jobs out of town, out of walking distance.. uh not going to happen until i get transportation. Can't get transportation unless I have money. Not to worried about training because I have it.. I need to buy the car, and get a license. Stupid people.
Blah, i'm not even making sense. Fuck this, I need a hug. *cries*
Why the fuck didn't I ask the office about second segment drivers ed? I didn't hear the announcement.. yes... but I could have found time in my lazy life to go down the hall and ask. Stupid me. Now look, I could have my license already.. and be driving the van my mom bought for me at the time.. but no. I'm moping around bitching because I can't drive mom's car because i'm too damn short, and my dad won't let me drive his because he's too afraid i'll get in an accident or something. Grrrrr. All this could already be over. I just want a damn vehicle to get places. Damn. I was looking foreward to coming home today, getting Karen and driving out to Macon.. not really for the driving experience, but to see Charles and today would have been a really good day.. because it was pissy. *shrugs* Oh well. Dad said no, Karen said yes, and Mom said yes. Uh.. hello.. no dad makes the decisions. Oh well. I'm over it. Today will finish up in oh.. i'm going to sit around in my room AGAIN and read, eat, watch tv, listen to my annoying cat and talk with random people online. Noooo i'm not going to be going to Lowes or some random place and fill out job applications.. to hell if i'm walking there.. it's just not going to happen. It shouldn't happen. I mean really, they expect the kids who have OJT's to drive to their jobs.. uh.. I can't. So what's the point?
College. Oh boy.. i've had the opportunity to figure that out since freshman year. I could have so started packing away money and figuring out what college to go to and what to do. No. I didn't. So Senior year, filled out two applications.. applied for zero scholarships.. broke as a doornail... no transportation to college if I get accepted. No job on top of that to earn money, no vehicle to get to the job if I had one. Vise grip situation and i'm not likeing it. Everything just needs to get easier. It's not going to happen.
What can I do? I mean seriously. I can't do anything more than I am already doing. I'm sitting around doing nothing. No homework.. why? Good grades, nice classes, homework done in class... no worries. College.. waiting on that. Scholarships.. no can do till I get an acceptance letter. Job? Uh.. yea.. no body is hiring... i've been checking. Jobs out of town, out of walking distance.. uh not going to happen until i get transportation. Can't get transportation unless I have money. Not to worried about training because I have it.. I need to buy the car, and get a license. Stupid people.
Blah, i'm not even making sense. Fuck this, I need a hug. *cries*