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[bloodytramlines]

[ Oliver Wilkinson is becoming increasingly aware of the fact that as time goes by, when he is bothered or annoyed or in a particularly cheery mood, the easiest and generally most enjoyable course of action is to slam himself into the presence of his physiotherapist as fast as humanely possible. Sometimes this involves a heated but brisk stomping,

Comments

[touchiefeely]

[when Barney first arrived, the first thing he did was cover up a suspiciously large patch of mildew on one wall with a huge anatomical wallchart. He didn't really stop and since then he's continued to plaster every inch of his wall with helpful posters, interesting newspaper clippings and what must be hundreds of photos from his adventures around the world]

[as Ollie bursts in Barney is standing on his desk chair and tending his photo-wall, meticulously lining up his latest batch and carefully blu-tacking them in to a perfect alignment. He wobbles a bit, throwing out a hand to grab the wall as he stares in silent surprise down at Ollie]

[that......that is a really drastic change]

Oh, it's - that's intense. Your... you didn't want that? I mean, it's nice, but - but it's a bit neat.

[bloodytramlines]

Neat? I look ready to waltz off to Canary Wharf, complete with a tie and a bloody briefcase! [ frustrated, he runs his hand through his short new 'do, tugging at it with irritation. ] She just left me in a room with this stylist she found, saying it was just for a trim - and look what she's done! [ he is referring to Jen, though there are few other constant "she"s in his life ] She ordered the guy to shear it all off! I had no say in the matter.

[touchiefeely]

[Barney casts a mournful look at his pictures and carefully descends from his chair with a sigh] It's a bit short, yeah, but I'm sure in a few days time it'll be fine - [back on the ground now, he examines Ollie's hair with an unamused wince. He had always really liked those long curls, they were quite relaxed. Now Ollie looked...younger. And a bit uptight, but that could just be the stress of the haircut] Hmm. That's a bit unfair though, isn't it? Why did she do it?

[bloodytramlines]

Because apparently I need a more professional look, now that I'm in the top five! [ Ollie spins around sharply on his heel and flops onto a chair, slumping inelegantly, like a sullen teenager. ] I reckon this is all because the Omega people started wobbling on their deal. Scruffy haired twenty somethings don't wear Omega watches, it's very un-James Bond. This, on the other hand- [ he gestures wildly to his hair ] -is far more suitable. Why the hell am I doing a deal with Omega, I wouldn't wear one of their stupid watches regardless of how scruffy or non-scruffy I was.

[ ... ]

Hey. Did I completely disrupt your continued efforts to make a new type of wallpaper just now? [ he waves vaguely at the chair Barney had been standing on. ]

[touchiefeely]

[Barney waves a dismissive hand at his photo-wall] No, it's fine, it's nothing.

[he leans back on his massage table, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded over his chest] Ohh, so it's a corporate haircut? I see how it is. [he snorts a bit, a little unhappy and disgruntled that poor Ollie is being shoe-horned in to something he clearly doesn't want] That's not on. But at least it will grow out in time...

[bloodytramlines]

Yeah, and then 'cause I'm definitely the most observant person in the world, Jen'll trick me into getting it all chopped off again. [ the brackets alone make you sound like a total woobie-with-a-crush, mate ] I literally feel like a chunk of my soul's just been casually chopped off. Someone's going to take my picture as soon as I step out into the wider world again and then those fan forum things will be all over hair conspiracy theories or something.

[touchiefeely]

[yeah he is kind of that already though, brackets or no brackets]

'Hair conspiracy theories'? Is that - is that an actual thing or did you just make that up?

[bloodytramlines]

I- well, I was making it up, but these people come up with some whacky ideas, sometimes.

[ GRINNING WITH SO MUCH AMUSEMENT AT THE GENERAL THOUGHT OF THIS ]

[touchiefeely]

[looks a little relieved but is struck by the way Ollie says 'these people']

Do you ever get any grief from them? Your fans, I mean.

[bloodytramlines]

Nah, not really. I reckon most of them come up with this stuff for a laugh, others play along - I value their support! I won't lie, I love it when they pop up with their banners and face paint, especially if it's in other countries.

[ ... ] I did get a bra thrown at me at the end of a match once, though. That was a bit special.

[touchiefeely]

Oh, wow, underwear? You know you've really made it when the Barmy Army start chucking their smalls in your direction. [Barney tilts his head with an impressed expression:] And there I was labouring under the impression that tennis was classy...

[he's only teasing A LITTLE BIT but it's very very very good-natured]

[bloodytramlines]

HAH, well these smalls weren't very small. [ completely shameless and not caring whether this'll imply anything, Ollie chuckles. ] We're not classy at all. Just better at covering our tracks.

[ OLLIE GETS AROUND A BIT barney you will soon learn this ]

[touchiefeely]

Covering your tracks? Haha, wow, that sounds - [errr] - incriminating?

[he's curious but he's not sure if it's the kind of question he should be asking his relatively-new-and-shiny boss - or if he really actually wants to know the answer]

[bloodytramlines]

Yeah, I don't exactly have a spotless record. [ he waves a hand, unconcerned, waving a dismissive hand. ] I got into a couple of "tabloid scandals" a few years back, as Jen likes to call them, even though nothing reached the tabloids. [ he would probably have barely even noticed if they had ]

I still don't see why it was a big deal - besides one of them being married, but he wasn't wearing his ring, how was I supposed to know? Anyway- [ HE SHRUGS AS IF THIS ISN'T A BIG DEAL they only got to third anyway ] Jen made a fuss, paid some people off, and I was confined to house arrest for like a month and a half.

[touchiefeely]

[it's not like everything else Ollie has just said ISN'T a complete shock to Barney's ears but the poor guy seems to be hung up on one bit in particular:]

Woah, you were arrested?

[said in a kind of WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS GUY kind of way]

[bloodytramlines]

[ ............................ ]

[ BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AND SUBSEQUENTLY HITS HIS HEAD ON THE DESK ASFJKALSF ] Ow, shit- mate, seriously? Not that kind of house arrest! It was a Jen-imposed punishment, that's all! [ STOPS TO LAUGH SOME MORE ASJFKaf;lsf slumps under the desk, giggling ] Come on, I'm waaaay too much of a pansy to do something that'd get me arrested. Jen would have possibly broken both my arms if it got out that I'd spent various nights with various other professional tennis players, so she just wanted to keep an eye on me. [ his noises of amusement start to die out, and he grins in a strangely fond sort of OH YOU!!! way at Barney ] I'm not that bad, promise.