I give up
I think its impossible to go through life without losing someone that meant something to you. Soon I know I will be alone. its inevitable, you always lose someone. From friends to lovers everyone changes. I feel very alone. I guess I was always alone though. Soon the only thing I will have is my baby. Maybe this pregnancy wasnt a mistake. maybe I was meant to be alone. Maybe I need the baby for a companion. Maybe all the things people said about Nic were true. It really doesnt matter though. I'm a loser. My head is empty of thoughts which is very rare for me. I just feel this utter chill in my bones. Regardless of how people feel about Nic, I'm not giving up. If he turns out to be a loser than w/e. What else do I have? I'm mostly mad at myself. I've gone down every wrong path. I wish there was someone I could point a finger at, but there isnt. I'm no longer interested in friends or anyone. you can only trust yourself. I will become the cold heartless person that I've been trying to become for years. I probably dont even realize it at this moment but I have lost so much. I guess it doesnt matter. I dont even have anything to focus my energy on. I have to do what I believe is right. I'm sorry but Ryan and Keeli I'm not gonna white flag this. I'm sorry it couldnt be different. I'm sorry for everything I did wrong. Please dont contact me anymore. Both of your #'s will be removed from my phone, my myspace is gonna be deleted. the only thing that will remain of me is this LJ and hopefully fond memories of me. If I seem dramatic about this than w/e I'm just sick of everyone. I need to get away from everyone. I'm not trying to be mean I'm just giving up. Doing what should have been done a long time ago. If you choose to contact my parents cause ur pissed at me then you can do so but it will be of no importance it will only cause me more pain. I'm not being spiteful and I hope the both of you can do the same. I just rather not deal with it anymore. ANYTHING. I'd rather live a life of solitude. It's not like it really matters both of you will be in college soon anyways. I wish you all the best of luck in life. Goodbye.