Yearning For Something Short Lived
I'll be seeing
freezingflame5 (Jessica) and her family at the athletic center today. She has a job now at Kroger and I'm vedy happy for her. She won't be able to go see the Shining at the Fox Theater tonight at 7PM, and now I don't think I'll be going either.
If I go there tonight, I'll just end up being lonely, something that no amount of friends can fix. Sorry Tiff and Justin... I think you'll enjoy bein alone together anyway. On a friend level I'm doing well, but as I said before I need something more than just a friend right now. Only then can I feel complete.
I've been talking to Jennifer since for a good month now ever since I left for Calli two months ago. She's really sweet, and we've been meaning to meet each other. It would suck if I came back home and didn't get to see her.
I'll be arriving at her house around 7PM or so and we'll do dinner and a movie, and hang out in the mall together. I do like her a lot. I'm not looking for a serious relationship, nor am I just ditching her after this(that's not me), but I do want to be around her and get to know her some more.
It'll just be one day. I don't really want to think of the goodbyes, they are always so tough to do. I've been through a lot of that already(enough for two lifetimes). I just want to spend a wonderful day with her and try to not think of leaving. It will be this wonderful high, and I want to reach those heights again. But I'm going to fall eventually once I'm alone again. I'm just an affectionate person, I need it so much. I like to wrap a pillow around my legs and squeeze it, and try to pretend what's not really there. Just for now it seems it will be like this for me. It's already been a tough two yrs with too few breaths of fresh air, and now I must deal with the last two. It's a comfort knowing I'm half way done with the military. The end of this old life is in sight. I can see the light from here now.
I can't wait to get there. How wonderful it will be. I repeat myself on this, but it always helps writing about it.
Dashboard Confessional: Screaming Infedelties
I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."
Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyone
Making out.
I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending.
I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home
Your hair.... it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear....