(no subject)

[bloodyrosepetal]

Some times i sit up late at night and think about what is wrong with me... Theres always a list. Not that i am going to bother with that list now... I hate my self right now... I talked to some one tonight... i asked her if she was the one leaving posts on my site.... she was well fine... whats the difference? right? So any ways given my own fault for talking to her but the thing is i was just curious to know who it was and besides which i blocked her froom my journal i thought shed be done harrassing me....and right away i get "is that a problem" shortly followed by, "are we all done hurting my friend?" and explainging to me just how much i am not as close to him as i write i am... well fine what do i know... I knwo what he means to me... thats what matters... What he tells her not my business... there was more about her questioning our friendship, like how i ddnt see him lst time he was home and such. Well thats fine hes allowd to want to not see me i get it i suck i annoy him to great extents, and he has been avoiding me and lyng to me about his busyness i was totalyl wiling to give her that but, why is it that the harder i try to not be rude the harder people wanna hit? WAs i out of line to ask her to mind her own business? i wsnt trying to be rude and explained that to her but i didnt se where any of this had to do with her unless he asked her to talk to me... which i odnt see him doing. Geeze peoples these days... i would never have the audacity to write to her about a fight about her and him and tell her that she sucks... although i am certain they dont fight... whatever... i dunno just ouch ... i guess just ouch... I get it peoples before you continue posting i suck! im a looser ! i am pathetic! but arent i aloud to be once in a long while?

I have learned some thing new today ... enlightening even... I am over it... I was ready to let go a few days ago... i learned its more important hes happy than happy with me... well obviously always was my thought even coming from some one so "selfish" as i am... thing is he makes me happy right where he is in our friendship... ass hole me always with it never being enough i guess.... i dunno what it was but i shoudl have thought back to why years ago i didnt want that..it was because we were happy the way we were both of us were... who says you get wiser with age any ways? i dunno if hes over being mad at me, hating me what ever, but i am over doing this to my self i need ot be hapyp and i have been this week... dunno why just am...this is good right?

Goodness i suck... I havent slept well lately though