Woah
Apparently, its been what four years since my last post. where should i even start?
I finally got tired of looking for extra work so i moved back to NC and moved in with my best friend Steve. got cozy with Steve, became pregnant, was a brides maid in a friend's wedding, miscarried said baby, moved to concord, had a falling out with Steve..dated a guy from work, guy from worked fucked another girl from work then let it get posted to facebook so i was the joke of work for a while, soon dated another guy who turned out to be super clingy and had to break up with him, started hanging out with Steve again when i finally took time to look at things from his perspective (cause i'm awesome), went on several horrible dates that only led me to being more miserable.
well, here i am, four years later. don't really have much to show for anything. a close friend moved back into town this past June. i've only hung out with her a handful of times. she's already seeing someone and that's all peaches and cream. i've been back 4 years and felt nothing but heart ache at every turn. though this friend deserves any happiness she finds. i've just been in a romantic rut and questioning everything about myself. i'm alone and hate my friends. i don't even really feel like a friend unless its convenient or someone wants something. i'd hang out with some friends if i didn't have to listen to the honeymoon stages of relationships or the drama of having a baby because she was tired of her sister getting all the attention and not having money..blahblahblah. i'm finding i'm having the worst time trying to relate to people. the older i've gotten the worse its been. the one person i WANT to hang out with works completely different hours and kinda blew me off the one chance i've had to hang out. i don't even know why i care. i hate this time of year. i'm also tired of pining for something that is never gonna happen. again, knowing i shouldn't give a damn.
i forgot how therapeutic writing in a blog can be. how many of you guys still read this or was waiting for me to post..i'm betting the numbers are mighty low.
I finally got tired of looking for extra work so i moved back to NC and moved in with my best friend Steve. got cozy with Steve, became pregnant, was a brides maid in a friend's wedding, miscarried said baby, moved to concord, had a falling out with Steve..dated a guy from work, guy from worked fucked another girl from work then let it get posted to facebook so i was the joke of work for a while, soon dated another guy who turned out to be super clingy and had to break up with him, started hanging out with Steve again when i finally took time to look at things from his perspective (cause i'm awesome), went on several horrible dates that only led me to being more miserable.
well, here i am, four years later. don't really have much to show for anything. a close friend moved back into town this past June. i've only hung out with her a handful of times. she's already seeing someone and that's all peaches and cream. i've been back 4 years and felt nothing but heart ache at every turn. though this friend deserves any happiness she finds. i've just been in a romantic rut and questioning everything about myself. i'm alone and hate my friends. i don't even really feel like a friend unless its convenient or someone wants something. i'd hang out with some friends if i didn't have to listen to the honeymoon stages of relationships or the drama of having a baby because she was tired of her sister getting all the attention and not having money..blahblahblah. i'm finding i'm having the worst time trying to relate to people. the older i've gotten the worse its been. the one person i WANT to hang out with works completely different hours and kinda blew me off the one chance i've had to hang out. i don't even know why i care. i hate this time of year. i'm also tired of pining for something that is never gonna happen. again, knowing i shouldn't give a damn.
i forgot how therapeutic writing in a blog can be. how many of you guys still read this or was waiting for me to post..i'm betting the numbers are mighty low.