:(
I can't seem to shake the feeling that everything in the world (or at least my life) is working against me.
I can't stop the crazy, and I know that because of it I'll fuck everything that could be good up.
I'm losing my friends and my courage in myself.
I'm losing what makes me me.
I'm just plain losing it.
I want to do stupid things. I want to be a bad person and see where it gets me. I want to be able to accept when something good happens.
But I know from experience that doing that only means that when it turns around (and it will) I'll just feel worse.
So now, even "good" things (as rare as they are) are viewed as a curse because I know it's just going "Look at this hand!" while the other one pulls the rug out from under me.
I just want to crawl into a dark hole and waste away.
I can't even trust myself anymore. How can I trust anyone else?
I can't stop the crazy, and I know that because of it I'll fuck everything that could be good up.
I'm losing my friends and my courage in myself.
I'm losing what makes me me.
I'm just plain losing it.
I want to do stupid things. I want to be a bad person and see where it gets me. I want to be able to accept when something good happens.
But I know from experience that doing that only means that when it turns around (and it will) I'll just feel worse.
So now, even "good" things (as rare as they are) are viewed as a curse because I know it's just going "Look at this hand!" while the other one pulls the rug out from under me.
I just want to crawl into a dark hole and waste away.
I can't even trust myself anymore. How can I trust anyone else?