I've Been Doing This A Lot...
All this ranting. So here's another one. Just got off the phone with a special someone and now I need to unload.
If you love someone, if you're committed to someone, if you've made a promise to someone- show it, keep it, fulfill it. Don't say that you care and then let your actions show everything but. Do not disappear on your wife for two days, spend all of the money you have on drugs, show up a couple of days later without calling and then lie that your money was stolen. Do not get angry at the one person who has stood by you, despite all that you've done wrong, when they try to help you and it isn't what you want to hear.
You're sorry? Show it. Prove it. Fucking be it. Apologies are empty and meaningless unless you are willing to actually change the situation and your ways. Otherwise, they are simply words that you use to get out of a tight spot so you can run off to commit the same crime again. They'll only be accepted so many times.
Stop saying that you've changed when all you've become is an older, more embittered version of the child you always were. If it's more important to you to get high than to take care of your wife and kids, do them a favor and leave. At least that way the money you'll be forced to pay through child support will go somewhere other than your nose. Maybe then, at least, your kids can live in a real home and your wife won't have to worry about you at least once a week because you've disappeared for a few days again.
No one put you in this situation but YOU. YOU fucked without protection. YOU chose this life. No one else. So STOP acting like everyone owes you something, like you're some great martyr, or like you're a sad soul for having to endure such pain. Go fuck yourself. Own up to your responsibilities and stop expecting everyone around you to just accept that you're an irresponsible druggie with his sights set on only one thing: getting high. Or getting laid, I suppose. But I think even now the drugs means more to you. And why wouldn't they? Sex is free, you can't possibly fuck your entire family over with that.
You disgust me. You always have, and yet I've stuck by you through everything. I've put everything aside to help you, to be there for you. And for what? So you can destroy the lives of two children and their mother with your selfish ignorance? And now I'm the one to blame? For being there for you? Don't give me your bullshit. I've heard it all. And I've never believed a word of it. I had faith and hope that you could be something better. But I knew you couldn't be. Oh, how I hate to be right all the time.
I am so sad for your kids and your wife. I hope that she realizes what you are and why you stay and takes the steps to better life for her and her children. Whether you go along or not is up to you. But I can already see it. She'll leave you and that will prompt a binge of epic proportions. Where everyone in the world is out to get you, and so the only thing you can do is suck down more alcohol and more drugs. Will you acknowledge that it was this behaviour that put you in this position? No. Because nothing YOU do is ever wrong. Everyone's reaction is.
Get over yourself. Do something right for once. For someone else, and not yourself. When you chose to have children, you put your life on the back burner and theirs became the all important. When are you going to get that through your thick skull? My money is on never. For their sake, I hope it's soon. Or that, in the very least, you leave them enough money to live on for a while when you finally succeed in killing yourself.
Megan has be pissed on.
If you love someone, if you're committed to someone, if you've made a promise to someone- show it, keep it, fulfill it. Don't say that you care and then let your actions show everything but. Do not disappear on your wife for two days, spend all of the money you have on drugs, show up a couple of days later without calling and then lie that your money was stolen. Do not get angry at the one person who has stood by you, despite all that you've done wrong, when they try to help you and it isn't what you want to hear.
You're sorry? Show it. Prove it. Fucking be it. Apologies are empty and meaningless unless you are willing to actually change the situation and your ways. Otherwise, they are simply words that you use to get out of a tight spot so you can run off to commit the same crime again. They'll only be accepted so many times.
Stop saying that you've changed when all you've become is an older, more embittered version of the child you always were. If it's more important to you to get high than to take care of your wife and kids, do them a favor and leave. At least that way the money you'll be forced to pay through child support will go somewhere other than your nose. Maybe then, at least, your kids can live in a real home and your wife won't have to worry about you at least once a week because you've disappeared for a few days again.
No one put you in this situation but YOU. YOU fucked without protection. YOU chose this life. No one else. So STOP acting like everyone owes you something, like you're some great martyr, or like you're a sad soul for having to endure such pain. Go fuck yourself. Own up to your responsibilities and stop expecting everyone around you to just accept that you're an irresponsible druggie with his sights set on only one thing: getting high. Or getting laid, I suppose. But I think even now the drugs means more to you. And why wouldn't they? Sex is free, you can't possibly fuck your entire family over with that.
You disgust me. You always have, and yet I've stuck by you through everything. I've put everything aside to help you, to be there for you. And for what? So you can destroy the lives of two children and their mother with your selfish ignorance? And now I'm the one to blame? For being there for you? Don't give me your bullshit. I've heard it all. And I've never believed a word of it. I had faith and hope that you could be something better. But I knew you couldn't be. Oh, how I hate to be right all the time.
I am so sad for your kids and your wife. I hope that she realizes what you are and why you stay and takes the steps to better life for her and her children. Whether you go along or not is up to you. But I can already see it. She'll leave you and that will prompt a binge of epic proportions. Where everyone in the world is out to get you, and so the only thing you can do is suck down more alcohol and more drugs. Will you acknowledge that it was this behaviour that put you in this position? No. Because nothing YOU do is ever wrong. Everyone's reaction is.
Get over yourself. Do something right for once. For someone else, and not yourself. When you chose to have children, you put your life on the back burner and theirs became the all important. When are you going to get that through your thick skull? My money is on never. For their sake, I hope it's soon. Or that, in the very least, you leave them enough money to live on for a while when you finally succeed in killing yourself.
Megan has be pissed on.