Until we see this eye to eye..I dont want you
Yeah so I'm really pissed off.....I would kill someone if I had the chance. If anything I'm more pissed at myself for letting everything get fucked up. Yeah nothing new everything is ALWAYS my fault.......at least it feels like it. And you know what I'm pretty fed up with it all its a fucking two way street. So stop blaming everything on me. Im not a fucking brick wall I do have feelings and get fucking pissed and sad. Im really truely at my fucking breaking point. Im getting so sick of this and everything else. I'm sick of trying to make people happy when Im not so fucking happy myself so Im living a lie....if you wanna look at it that way. I want to make myself happy but I cant because I freaking care to much about how everyone else is doing. For once in my life I think Im gonna do something for myself and thats to get the fuck away from everything......no its not running away from my problems.......I just need a week or two to myself in a different state or freaking town to get my mind off of everything and think about the right thing to do. It would be great there would be no one but me Id turn off my cell phone and be all alone to freaking sit and think and do what I want to do not worrying about how it will effect others. now if only that could really fucking happen it would be freaking perfect. No one not boys or friends or anything.........for two whole weeks............funny thing is I bet if I asked my mom if I could get out for a week or two she would let me. So I think I will ask. Oh and speaking of boys......I think I'm done with them for a while..........Its not worth it at all. Do I really want all the added stress??? no I dont...........but of course that doesnt stop me from caring about this person so fuck that..............cant I freaking turn off my brain..........or hit a pause button or numb button so I dont have to care so much. No I cant tho Cause Life isnt THAT simple and not THAT fair. So I guess I will just deal and face up to the fact I will most likely be alone all my life cause I'm such a fucking bitch. And in a way I am okay with that because then no one else can bother me and I would just have a ton of dogs. But it would suck becuase no one would really care about be besides myself. Honestly I am fed up with everything.........just everything sucks and it just doesnt seem like its gonna get better. It wont and I know it wont but one can only fucking hope right?........I really dont even expect anyone to read all of this so its really pointless for me to drag this on so I'm stoping now