Fic: Living With Guilt
Title - Living with Guilt (1/?)
Author - Bloodyfire
Disclaimer - Do not own, no profit made, yaddy yadda
Rating - PG-13
Character/Pairing(s) - Daniel/Rory
A/N - The first chapter in my first ever watchmen fic. It’s set post movieverse, with a bit of GN mixed in. Thanks to many wonderful people who helped me and beta’d my fic foxypope and Downfall35
Summary - A year has passed since Rorschach’s death and Daniel can’t deal with it.
A year has passed since Antarctica, a year where he cannot scrub the image of bloodied snow from his mind. A year that he has felt alone in his safe house bored and tired of his life with Laurie. She might possibly be able to understand what he is going though, or at least she might if Jon still didn’t visit her in her dreams.
Daniel didn’t have that luxury however, he hated sleeping. He loathed it for the images it brought forth, forcing him to relive them over and over. Every night he’d wake at least once, panting, coated in cold sweat and feeling just as helpless as he had a year ago, as helpless as he had felt watching his friend be reduced to a mere stain upon the snow.
Sometimes he’d go into the kitchen, other times he’d take a long hot shower, but usually he’d go and sit in Archie all the while wondering, “What if?”
Daniel tried to seem normal, happy, or at least content with his fake life. Laurie was a good friend and lover, but even she didn’t have the power to help him sleep better at night. Half a year ago he suggested they sleep in separate rooms because he knew he kept her awake; he didn’t need her suffering along with him.
Living now was worse than when the Keene Act had come into effect. He at least knew then that somewhere, out in New York, Rorschach was cleaning up the scum of the earth. He had known that the masked vigilante was alive and well…as well as Rorschach could be anyway. Now there was nothing, except the bloody image and terrible twisted dreams.
It wasn’t always Doctor Manhattan, Jon, that actually killed Rorschach in his dreams, mostly it was Daniel himself, just Daniel Dreiberg not even Nite Owl.
Night after night he killed Rorschach, killed him because Daniel had failed to convince Rorschach to stop, that the world did not need to know. No matter what he tried to come up with, the ending was always the same. Rorschach was dead and Daniel was left alone tormented with guilt.
Tonight he would walk the streets attempting to clear his mind, unworried for his safety; he could still take care of himself. Clearing his mind was never an easy task, never had been, but the moonlit walks help. Anything helped, at least a little, if only for a short time.
He tried not to let his mind wonder into a dark place, even as he himself wandered into a dark ally. The dark had become a friend, a trusty companion, a wonderful distraction from the white and red that plagued his mind.
A loud sound drew his attention to a nearby garbage can in the otherwise quiet night. Even though he didn’t sense any danger, Daniel cautiously made his way over. His instincts weren’t exactly what they had once been so he didn’t trust them.
Luckily his instincts were right, as what he discovered was no more than an alley cat seeking out the night’s meal. Heaving a sigh and stuffing his hands in his pockets, Daniel turned around and left the alley, heading home to return to his life as Sam Hollis.
He lived with Laurie in Florida, they had fake names, a fake and broken relationship, but they did have their lives. The weather was always hot, it was smoldering, but Daniel embraced it, enjoyed it, because heat was nothing like the bitterness of cold, was nothing like snow.
During the night they kept the windows open, let the air keep the house cooled, while during the day the blinds were shut along with the windows for the same reason. On the rare occasions when he did go for a walk at night, he almost felt silly locking the door, what was the point with the windows all open?
Standing on the doorstep he fumbled for his keys, looking them over as if they were alien, finally finding the right key (there weren’t many) he sunk it into the lock and turned, allowing him entrance to the dark and quiet house. It was modest, and small, but it was comfortable, fit for two people, or maybe even a couple and a single child to live in. He liked the house itself; he just didn’t like the empty feeling it had. Laurie visited her mom frequently and when she wasn’t doing that her new job kept her busy traveling leaving Daniel mostly on his own; not that he truly minded.
Removing his jacket and hanging it up he relocked the door behind him when, for a second time that night, a loud crash captured his attention.
TBC
Author - Bloodyfire
Disclaimer - Do not own, no profit made, yaddy yadda
Rating - PG-13
Character/Pairing(s) - Daniel/Rory
A/N - The first chapter in my first ever watchmen fic. It’s set post movieverse, with a bit of GN mixed in. Thanks to many wonderful people who helped me and beta’d my fic foxypope and Downfall35
Summary - A year has passed since Rorschach’s death and Daniel can’t deal with it.
A year has passed since Antarctica, a year where he cannot scrub the image of bloodied snow from his mind. A year that he has felt alone in his safe house bored and tired of his life with Laurie. She might possibly be able to understand what he is going though, or at least she might if Jon still didn’t visit her in her dreams.
Daniel didn’t have that luxury however, he hated sleeping. He loathed it for the images it brought forth, forcing him to relive them over and over. Every night he’d wake at least once, panting, coated in cold sweat and feeling just as helpless as he had a year ago, as helpless as he had felt watching his friend be reduced to a mere stain upon the snow.
Sometimes he’d go into the kitchen, other times he’d take a long hot shower, but usually he’d go and sit in Archie all the while wondering, “What if?”
Daniel tried to seem normal, happy, or at least content with his fake life. Laurie was a good friend and lover, but even she didn’t have the power to help him sleep better at night. Half a year ago he suggested they sleep in separate rooms because he knew he kept her awake; he didn’t need her suffering along with him.
Living now was worse than when the Keene Act had come into effect. He at least knew then that somewhere, out in New York, Rorschach was cleaning up the scum of the earth. He had known that the masked vigilante was alive and well…as well as Rorschach could be anyway. Now there was nothing, except the bloody image and terrible twisted dreams.
It wasn’t always Doctor Manhattan, Jon, that actually killed Rorschach in his dreams, mostly it was Daniel himself, just Daniel Dreiberg not even Nite Owl.
Night after night he killed Rorschach, killed him because Daniel had failed to convince Rorschach to stop, that the world did not need to know. No matter what he tried to come up with, the ending was always the same. Rorschach was dead and Daniel was left alone tormented with guilt.
Tonight he would walk the streets attempting to clear his mind, unworried for his safety; he could still take care of himself. Clearing his mind was never an easy task, never had been, but the moonlit walks help. Anything helped, at least a little, if only for a short time.
He tried not to let his mind wonder into a dark place, even as he himself wandered into a dark ally. The dark had become a friend, a trusty companion, a wonderful distraction from the white and red that plagued his mind.
A loud sound drew his attention to a nearby garbage can in the otherwise quiet night. Even though he didn’t sense any danger, Daniel cautiously made his way over. His instincts weren’t exactly what they had once been so he didn’t trust them.
Luckily his instincts were right, as what he discovered was no more than an alley cat seeking out the night’s meal. Heaving a sigh and stuffing his hands in his pockets, Daniel turned around and left the alley, heading home to return to his life as Sam Hollis.
He lived with Laurie in Florida, they had fake names, a fake and broken relationship, but they did have their lives. The weather was always hot, it was smoldering, but Daniel embraced it, enjoyed it, because heat was nothing like the bitterness of cold, was nothing like snow.
During the night they kept the windows open, let the air keep the house cooled, while during the day the blinds were shut along with the windows for the same reason. On the rare occasions when he did go for a walk at night, he almost felt silly locking the door, what was the point with the windows all open?
Standing on the doorstep he fumbled for his keys, looking them over as if they were alien, finally finding the right key (there weren’t many) he sunk it into the lock and turned, allowing him entrance to the dark and quiet house. It was modest, and small, but it was comfortable, fit for two people, or maybe even a couple and a single child to live in. He liked the house itself; he just didn’t like the empty feeling it had. Laurie visited her mom frequently and when she wasn’t doing that her new job kept her busy traveling leaving Daniel mostly on his own; not that he truly minded.
Removing his jacket and hanging it up he relocked the door behind him when, for a second time that night, a loud crash captured his attention.
TBC