(no subject)
fucking christ. i need to get out of the house, meet people, do something, find a seller, drink some coffee, go to the beach. i've been pissed off lately, but i can't seem to pinpoint the sole cause of it. i guess there's plenty of reasons, but it's always as such when you continue to dwell on something and every minute detail that sprouts in your head seems as a viable cause. fuck my life.
why do i get like this. and why hasn't anything at all changed after all these years? seems as if i always find myself in some sort of fucked up circle. regardless, i feel socialy inept. as a matter of fact, i hate people. why so? because they're all the same. no matter how you dress or look or try to act, everyone's the same scuzzy piece of shit. i'm no better, but it doesn't mean i have to like it. so what do i have to show for my life and all the time when i could've been doing something but wasn't? not a goddamn thing. not a single new person met, nor tried to have gotten to know. nothing new written or thought up. maybe a couple of books in the expansive months, but nothing as concrete as it's something that i'll remember for the rest of my life.
is it my life that's boring, the people around me, me myself, or a combination there of?
i don't know. confusion. mind's rattling. my speech is a jumbled mumble which nine times out of ten i'll be asked, "what'd you say?", or the occasional clueless nod. fuck. ah fuck.
"but i'm not worried", i had said before," this summer will be different, i'll hack in my garage and smoke a spliff and let the my peachy life sail on through". i hate when i talk sometimes. the things that i think will come true or come to pass. hopes and dreams and all that goddamn spectacular bull shit. i guess after all these years i've just become a nihilistic piece of shit.
i'll smoke to that.
it's a beautiful windy day, with collosal clouds seperated by endless blue. this is hack weather, this is chill weather. goddamnit. sometimes i ask myself whether there's ever a point to making friends or meeting new people, if i wouldn't really just be happier finding somewhere and living there in isolation. whatever. regrets. nothing but regrets.
christ i haven't written in a while. fuck. i should seriously consider another hermitage.
why do i get like this. and why hasn't anything at all changed after all these years? seems as if i always find myself in some sort of fucked up circle. regardless, i feel socialy inept. as a matter of fact, i hate people. why so? because they're all the same. no matter how you dress or look or try to act, everyone's the same scuzzy piece of shit. i'm no better, but it doesn't mean i have to like it. so what do i have to show for my life and all the time when i could've been doing something but wasn't? not a goddamn thing. not a single new person met, nor tried to have gotten to know. nothing new written or thought up. maybe a couple of books in the expansive months, but nothing as concrete as it's something that i'll remember for the rest of my life.
is it my life that's boring, the people around me, me myself, or a combination there of?
i don't know. confusion. mind's rattling. my speech is a jumbled mumble which nine times out of ten i'll be asked, "what'd you say?", or the occasional clueless nod. fuck. ah fuck.
"but i'm not worried", i had said before," this summer will be different, i'll hack in my garage and smoke a spliff and let the my peachy life sail on through". i hate when i talk sometimes. the things that i think will come true or come to pass. hopes and dreams and all that goddamn spectacular bull shit. i guess after all these years i've just become a nihilistic piece of shit.
i'll smoke to that.
it's a beautiful windy day, with collosal clouds seperated by endless blue. this is hack weather, this is chill weather. goddamnit. sometimes i ask myself whether there's ever a point to making friends or meeting new people, if i wouldn't really just be happier finding somewhere and living there in isolation. whatever. regrets. nothing but regrets.
christ i haven't written in a while. fuck. i should seriously consider another hermitage.