life sucks

[bloodychambers]

well my weekend was a bit boring and nothing usefull happend ya know oh freaking well just watched movies and ate talked some on line and just was the boring old me like usually,ya know what is really driving me up the wall it seems everyone in the world that i know is either getting together with some one or getting engaged/married having kids and everything they all have jobs and drive and have suck wonderful lifes and then i look at my self and im just waisting my life away doing nothing no job,money,car nothing yes i know i have to go out and change it but its like i dont know where to go its like people dont see me as being worthy of getting a job since i dont have a car or any thing to drive to work in and then its like well how in the hell am i suppose to get a car w/no money or job so it just a stupid double standerd in my eyes really ya know but hey maybe im just a loser who doesnt know any thing that is right who knows i just wish i could do something and i really want to do something with my self cause i sure didnt see my self doing what im doing back when i though about what i wanted to do in my life ya know i wanted to have a job and car and a life and be on my own around this time have a gf and everything and just being happy in life but maybe its just not reachable with me maybe im suppose to be a loser and have no life and just go thru life being nothing who knows i dont really i guess any one who reads this will think im being a pity person but i dont want any pity i know i gotta change something i just dont know how and well maybe i should get my self a reality check cause well i had the though and how i should do it before but after getting my ass kicked back in july i havent been the same i try and hide that im not hte same but im not i changed im like a total paranoid person and scared and everything i dont even leave my house at all really i jsut stay inside 99% of the time and just shut out the world maybe my mom should just kick me out or something and make me live on the street or something to make me realize i need to get better and do something with my self instead of staying home all the time and never leaving and just spiraling down to nothing and stop being a lazy person i want to i just dont know how i dont know waht kind of job to get to start or any thing ya know its not so easy for me like most everyone else in the world i just dont know how to do it, yeah my dad wants me to just move down there with him to get one no thanx i dont wana do that till its the last thing i have to do ya know
well hey im gonna stop this horribly long post about my shitty lifestyle rihgt now