(no subject)
so its been only a couple of days since my graduation and its already feeling like I'm back in the same trap again. So far the only place i can think to apply is the Movie gallery which is a movie rental place in town and its minimum wage and they aren't looking for work right now. And I've applied before and i got interviewed and they turned me down. I'm thinking maybe cause i just wanted to be there for the summer, but it still makes me think that i won't get it again. i have a few weeks at the daycare and after school program which i can handle a few hours but i absolutely hate working for a full day there which i have two this week. what also sucks is i spent all this money on a degree and so far i don't think that i can get a job in my field. Our economy really sucks right now.
People also keep congratulating me and asking me how i feel now that I've graduated but i don't feel like celebrating or happy or filled with joy that I've accomplished this great thing. It just means that I'm stuck at home for a while again, with no good job and a mother that has already threatened to kick me out. It happened today. She is being controlling telling me and my brother that we have to pick days on which we can do our laundry and we can't do it if it's someone else's day. I got upset by this and didn't pick a day. This is incredibly stupid. I just wanted to leave after a couple of cracks from my brother and my mom wouldn't let me leave. She literally yelled at me to get back in the room. Then she told me to pack my things and get out. Of course she says this a lot when we get into fights, so i half don't believe it. but I am afraid of the day if it actually comes. But she also is allowed to get upset and leave the room when she needs to. if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to. this is also incredibly stupid.
i also get a lot of people telling me to move out and then i will get a better job then what Randolph has to offer and so i don't have to deal with this. but what people don't get is that i need a job first to save up money, and i will have all these loans to pay in a few months and i just can't afford it right now. And i know that Robin says I can stay with them until i can afford my own place, but i don't want to put them out. i would feel bad.
life just sucks. People and our country just don't care about the average person and their struggles. It's everyone for themselves. sometimes i feel like i would be better off dead.
No more blame I am destined to keep you sane
Gotta rescue the flame
Gotta rescue the flame in your heart
No more blood, I will be there for you my love
I will stand by your side
The world has forsaken my girl
I should have seen it would be this way
I should have known from the start what she's up to
When you have loved and you've lost someone
You know what it feels like to lose
She's fading away
Away from this world
Drifting like a feather
She's not like the other girls
She lives in the clouds
She talks to the birds
Hopeless little one
She's not like the other girls I know
No more shame, she has felt too much pain, in her life
In her mind she's repeating the words
All the love you put out will return to you
People also keep congratulating me and asking me how i feel now that I've graduated but i don't feel like celebrating or happy or filled with joy that I've accomplished this great thing. It just means that I'm stuck at home for a while again, with no good job and a mother that has already threatened to kick me out. It happened today. She is being controlling telling me and my brother that we have to pick days on which we can do our laundry and we can't do it if it's someone else's day. I got upset by this and didn't pick a day. This is incredibly stupid. I just wanted to leave after a couple of cracks from my brother and my mom wouldn't let me leave. She literally yelled at me to get back in the room. Then she told me to pack my things and get out. Of course she says this a lot when we get into fights, so i half don't believe it. but I am afraid of the day if it actually comes. But she also is allowed to get upset and leave the room when she needs to. if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to. this is also incredibly stupid.
i also get a lot of people telling me to move out and then i will get a better job then what Randolph has to offer and so i don't have to deal with this. but what people don't get is that i need a job first to save up money, and i will have all these loans to pay in a few months and i just can't afford it right now. And i know that Robin says I can stay with them until i can afford my own place, but i don't want to put them out. i would feel bad.
life just sucks. People and our country just don't care about the average person and their struggles. It's everyone for themselves. sometimes i feel like i would be better off dead.
No more blame I am destined to keep you sane
Gotta rescue the flame
Gotta rescue the flame in your heart
No more blood, I will be there for you my love
I will stand by your side
The world has forsaken my girl
I should have seen it would be this way
I should have known from the start what she's up to
When you have loved and you've lost someone
You know what it feels like to lose
She's fading away
Away from this world
Drifting like a feather
She's not like the other girls
She lives in the clouds
She talks to the birds
Hopeless little one
She's not like the other girls I know
No more shame, she has felt too much pain, in her life
In her mind she's repeating the words
All the love you put out will return to you