(no subject)
hey it's me again..... i just talked to my mom. and for those of you that don't know, i'll give a little background, my mother has my son. because i cannot take care of him right now. i didn't really have a choice. but it's the best for all involved. so anyways. i was talking to my mom today, and she was telling me about Andrew (my son) how he's a terror. lol and he looks just like me. and how spoiled he is. lol i didn't spoil him... he's been with them since birth. and she was telling me about how good he's walking and talking. and it just made me so sad..... cause i can't be there. and he doesn't know who i am. and i miss him so much. and how i wish i could go to virginia for thanksgiving. cause i would love to see him play in the leaves. and get his first taste of cranberry sauce and turkey. but i can't. and it kills me. it kills me everytime my mom calls. but i can't tell her that. cause i love hearing about him. it just hurts so bad. and i feel like a horrible mother because i can't give him what they can. i am a horrible mother. she just told me that the adoption papers i signed aren't any good. and she needs me to sign another before his first birthday so he can be put on her insurance. so i might get to see him for a litle while cause she said she's gonna bring him up to see me if i can't make it down for christmas. after i got off the phone with her i cried for about an hour. i want to see him but at the same time i don't know if i can deal with him crying when i pick him up. and how he always looks around for her. i don't know if i'm strong enough..
