"Avalanche is sullen and much too thin, she starves herself to rid herself of sin..."
So... I just ate and I feel like total crap now.
I want to go throw up, but Beth bought me the food (even though I had cash and tried to pay her back). I can't throw up food someone else buys me... It's suck-y... Not that I can't do it, just that someone bought me food and I'm thinking about throwing it up.
I know I said I wouldn't go back into my Eating Disorder, and I'm not. I don't look as bad as I did when I was all skeletal and at my worst. I just... I feel sick all the time, now and I can't sleep. And now I just feel crappy after eating and for eating.
Wtf, why didn't I get over this after going to the Emergency Room? What the hell's wrong with me? Shouldn't that have been enough to stop this junk completely?
This is ridiculous... I'm ridiculous.
Ugh.
Quote: "One should never direct people towards happiness, because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to." - Alexander Solzhenitsyn...
♥
I want to go throw up, but Beth bought me the food (even though I had cash and tried to pay her back). I can't throw up food someone else buys me... It's suck-y... Not that I can't do it, just that someone bought me food and I'm thinking about throwing it up.
I know I said I wouldn't go back into my Eating Disorder, and I'm not. I don't look as bad as I did when I was all skeletal and at my worst. I just... I feel sick all the time, now and I can't sleep. And now I just feel crappy after eating and for eating.
Wtf, why didn't I get over this after going to the Emergency Room? What the hell's wrong with me? Shouldn't that have been enough to stop this junk completely?
This is ridiculous... I'm ridiculous.
Ugh.
Quote: "One should never direct people towards happiness, because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to." - Alexander Solzhenitsyn...
♥