I'll Take the Force of the Blow
Title: I'll Take the Force of the Blow 1/3
Author: safaiagem
Artist: shiroki_kun
Verse: First Class
Word Count: 25,156
Rating: hard R
Characters/Pairings: Charles, Erik, Angel, Alex, Sean, Moira, Raven, Hank, Emma Charles/Erik
Warnings Sexual content, torture (mental and physical), violence, language
Summary: Moira fired seven shots that day on the beach and Erik deflected five of them with ease. The sixth, however, was the one that made the entire world slow down as blood began to stain Charles' stomach. It was enough of a distraction that he barely felt the seventh bullet nor did he care what happened to it. Charles reached with bloodstained hands to remove the helmet just in time to tell Erik Sleep. When Erik woke up he could no make himself look Charles in the eye and he hid his thoughts behind the helmet. When he finally admitted to himself how much Charles meant to him, he was welcomed with open arms and forgiveness. However, they forget that just because they are hiding they cannot be found and that fear makes rational men do desperate things.
I'll Take the Force of the Blow
Present
The missiles were high in the air soaring toward some humans that had decided that he and half a dozen innocent, more or less, mutants deserved to die. Erik could not stand the idea that these people somehow thought they had the right to end his life simply because of what he was. The tattoo on his arm seemed to burn with the memory of the camps and it turned his stomach at the thought of being a lab rat again. The thought of the kids being exposed to that made his heart start pounding but it was the thought of Charles being exposed to someone like Shaw that made Erik’s blood run cold. Erik knew he could survive that again and he had some faith in one or two of the kids but for some reason he could not see Charles coming out even remotely the same person. He was not going to let these humans ruin his friend.
Moira, for all the use that she was here, was walking toward him with intent and the moment her gun moved Erik knew what she was planning. She fired five shots at him and as Erik deflected them he wondered why she even bothered. Firing a gun at him was pointless but he did not blame her. She was protecting her own race. The sixth bullet seemed no different from the others but a grunt of pain was enough to distract him. The entire world slowed down as Erik turned around.
Charles stood nearby looking down at his stomach as if he was not entirely sure what had just happened. The blue and yellow jumpsuit was beginning to stain red as Erik realized that he had deflected that sixth bullet and it had struck his friend. There was a seventh bullet but he hardly heard it fire and for half a moment Erik thought he felt some sort of pain but that did not matter because Charles was crumpling to the ground. Erik scrambled over and fell to his knees, placing a hand over the wound.
“Charles, Charles, hang on,” Erik managed to say but there was already so much blood staining the white sand. Charles reached up and touched Erik’s cheek and there was blood on his fingers, Erik could feel it on his skin, and he thought for sure he was going to be sick. He had done this, he had hurt his best friend, he had Charles’ blood all over his hands.
“Please, Erik, take it off,” Charles managed to say and for some reason nothing else mattered right now. It did not matter that mere moments ago they had been willing to beat each other with their fists or that Charles was trying to remove the helmet to take control because there was blood everywhere. Erik moved to toss the damned thing aside but when he started to move his arm he realized that a bullet, the seventh bullet, had passed through his shoulder; he had had no idea. Using his left hand Erik pushed the helmet aside and let it roll across the sand now stained with Charles’ blood.
“Hang on, okay? I’m going to get you help and we’re going to have a long fight about all of this,” Erik said though he was not sure who exactly he was trying to convince. Charles’ hand was on his cheek and it moved to his temple, smearing blood as it went.
Sleep, Charles’ voice said in his head and before Erik could protest the entire world faded to black.
Past
The first time Erik met Charles Xavier he was conflicted about how he felt for the man. On one hand he now knew that he was not alone, that there were other people in the world like him, and that brought a sense of comfort that Erik had not known existed anymore. It was like some great weight was lifted from his shoulders the moment Charles said ‘you’re not alone’ because he had always been alone. Ever since that gunshot rang out and took the only family he had left, when Shaw took his mother from him, there had been no one in his life.
However Erik could feel the submarine getting further and further away as he continued to tread water. In that moment he resented Charles Xavier for getting in the way of what he had to do. This was the closest he had gotten to Shaw since he had escaped all of those years ago and what right did this stranger have to get in the way of that? Now he could feel the man that destroyed his childhood getting away and there was nothing he could do.
“I can help you find him again,” Charles said suddenly as the boat moved closer to them. “I can read your mind and you’re currently projecting quite loudly. I can hear you and I’m telling you, I can help you find him again, Erik.”
“I don’t think my head is a wise place to be,” Erik said but Charles smiled at him and for some reason it looked a little sad.
“I’m afraid it’s a little late for that,” he said.
“Charles! Charles, are you okay?” a female voice called from up on the boat interrupting anything Erik would have said.
“I had a bit of a rough landing but I’m fine, Moira,” Charles called back but he did not look up to look at the woman. “I know you want to leave and you don’t trust me, Erik, but please listen to what I have to say first. Or at least get a cup of tea because this water is not as warm as I wish it was.” Every instinct Erik had told him that he should not follow this man. When a smaller boat came around and helped Charles in he contemplated just swimming back to shore on his own and leaving this entire thing behind him. Yet when Charles held out a hand to help Erik into the boat he stared at the stared at the man's open expression, seeing no deceit behind those eyes
Against his better judgment Erik Lehnsherr took Charles Xavier’s hand.
---
Looking at Cerebo now made Erik nervous. Hank had showed them how to work the machine the day before but he guessed that he had not meant for the two of them to use it on their own. After using the machine Charles had winced when he walked outside into the bright sunlight. If there was ever a sign of a wicked headache that was one but Charles never said anything. Later on Erik would notice how little the telepath ate and that he looked like he was not seeing the world properly. Erik ran all of these thoughts through his head as he watched Charles set up the machine. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was a bad idea but there was no stopping Charles when he got into this state. He was grinning like a kid on Christmas and seemed far too eager to use a machine that seemed too dangerous for Erik’s liking.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea to do this without McCoy?” Erik asked.
“We both learned how to use this yesterday,” Charles said waving him off. “Your memory is just as good as mine, right? So there’s nothing to worry about.”
“There’s plenty to worry about. We don’t know what kind of side effects this thing has on you; you’ve only tried it once,” Erik pointed out.
“There weren’t any--”
“That’s a lie; don’t lie to me, Charles.” Erik crossed his arms and stared Charles down, making sure that he did not break eye contact with the other man. For someone who could read minds and do god knows what else to an unsuspecting victim Charles was not a very good liar. The other man seemed to be thinking something over for a moment then heaved a sigh.
“Okay, I had a headache and I felt a little--” Charles waved his hand as if he was trying to come up with the right word “--detached? No, that’s not right, maybe a little spacey?”
“‘Spacey’ sounds about right since you looked like you were three universes away,” Erik replied. “This machine is impressive and I like the idea behind it but I think we should do more testing.”
“Yes, testing, like me using it for five minutes,” Charles said and Erik glared. “Just five minutes and then I’ll leave it alone. Promise.” He did not wait for Erik to respond as he walked around the center of the machine. Charles pulled the helmet of twisted wires over his head and put his hands on the railing. He could not turn on the machine from here and Erik was not sure if he wanted to do this. Using Cerebro they could quickly find Shaw or someone else who knew where the man was. Shaw was the goal and it should not matter to him if someone else got in the way. Erik tried to compartmentalize, tried to convince himself that this was the case, but there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach that Erik could not shake. Charles tilted his head to the side and looked a little pensive and for a horrible moment Erik thought Charles was reading him. Stay out of my head, he thought as loudly as he could. “I’m not in your head, Erik, you don’t need to shout.”
“And keep it that way.”
“I already said I wouldn’t go anywhere near your head without your express permission but don’t try to distract me. I need you to flip the switch. Will you do it?” Charles stared at him and Erik felt like he was being judged in some way. Without another word he walked over to the switchboard, tossed a last glance at Charles who nodded, and flipped the switch. Within seconds Charles’ grip on the railing was tight enough that his knuckles were turning white. Erik walked around so he was face to face with Charles as the telepath stared straight ahead. His eyes were so wide and yet looked so far away as if he was seeing something completely different than Erik a foot or so away. Coordinates did not print out though like they had before and Erik wondered what Charles was doing exactly. His lips began to move in silent conversation, something else that had not happened the previous time, and it was starting to make him nervous.
“Charles, can you hear me? Are you okay?” Erik asked. He was not too surprised that he did not get any sort of response because he could only imagine the level of concentration that went into this machine but that did not ease his worries. He checked his watch and saw that almost three minutes had passed. He was not giving Charles more time than that, and Erik started to count down the seconds when something in the air changed. There was metal in the air, iron, and there was only one thing that caused that feeling.
It was in that moment that Erik noticed the blood that was starting to ooze from Charles’ ear and that was all the motivation he needed to shut the machine down. Charles, can you hear me? Answer, do something, if you can hear me, Erik projected the best he could as the machine began to shut down. It took far too long and by the time the lights on the helmet died, blood stained the collar of Charles’ shirt. As soon as the machine died Charles collapsed onto the railing and Erik nearly missed catching the other man before he toppled to the floor headfirst. Erik laid Charles onto his back, noticing the blood from his ears, a little from his nose, how ashen gray his skin was and that his eyes were still wide and unseeing.
“Charles, Charles, are you still with me? Wake up.” Erik chose to ignore the hint of panic in his voice because he did not panic. When Charles stopped breathing a moment later, Eric very definitely began panicking. Erik wasted absolutely no time blowing blowing air into his into his friend’s mouth willing him to breath. He was about to call for help when Charles gasped a breath and blinked as if to clear his focus.
“Oh, hello, Erik,” Charles said.
“‘Hello, Erik?’ You stopped breathing on me and that’s what you have to say?” Erik asked flabbergasted.
“Well, I don’t remember not breathing.” Charles reached up, wiped his nose and stared at the blood. “When did that happen?”
“Just now while you were using the damned machine. You’re bleeding here, too.” Erik reached forward, touching Charles’ ear and showing him the blood.
“Oh, that’s not good.” Charles moved to sit up but Erik nearly shoved him back down to the ground with a palm over his heart. Charles’ heartbeat was frantic, as if he had just run a marathon, and that did not calm his nerves.
“Stay right there and don’t move.” Erik stood and managed to find a water bottle and a glass on the desk, left by Hank most likely, but he did not really care about the potential for germs. When he brought them back the telepath was still on his back staring at the ceiling as Erik knelt down next to him. “Sit up slowly or you might black out with how fast your heart is beating. “
“Yes, sir,” Charles replied and Erik resisted the temptation to hit him. Instead he put a hand between the other man’s shoulder blades and helped him sit up. Charles took the glass of water and drank it slowly, the color slowly returning to his face.
“What did you do differently?” Erik asked and Charles looked a little embarrassed.
“I was trying to find Shaw. I might have touched him, I don’t know, but something completely locked me out. The sudden cut off must have backfired on me,” Charles explained. “I wanted to get a location for you as soon as possible.”
“You did that for me?” Erik asked bewildered.
“Of course, Erik, why wouldn’t I?” Charles took another drink from the glass of water. Erik was suddenly hyper aware of several things. The first was the slight tremble of his hand on Charles’ back and how hard his heart was beating. I was scared, Erik thought as quietly as possible so maybe Charles would not overhear. The last time he had genuinely been scared for another person was the day Shaw shot his mother. After that moment there had been no one in his life that he feared for. Yet here he was with this man he hardly knew, nerves shattered to the point that he was physically affected. It was almost too much to handle and coupled with the fact that Charles had also been harmed trying to do something for him made it even worse.
“We’re not ready for him yet and it sounds like he hurt you. Don’t worry about him for now,” Erik said his voice surprisingly even. “Don’t do that again.” Charles looked up from his water and met Erik’s eyes; they were only inches apart.
“Promise,” Charles replied sincerely. Erik stood and offered a hand, helping an unsteady Charles to his feet. He cared about this man and in that moment Erik realized he could not compartmentalize when it came to Charles. If Charles heard Erik swear to himself rather loudly he did not comment on it.
---
They were on the recruitment trip but it felt like more of a scavenger hunt. Charles found them coordinates but by the time they got to the location, the mutant they were looking for had had more than likely moved on. That meant that they walked around a lot, asking questions while Charles read minds and Erik acted intimidating when needed. So far anyone that declined their offer had done so in a fairly civilized manner which was fine with Erik. Charles berated him the first time when he wanted to try and talk to the young man again. ‘We won’t convince them all’ Charles had said but that did not sit well with Erik. There were too many people out there that were willing to sit back and do nothing. He could not understand that and told Charles as much.
“We’re asking a lot from these people,” Charles said over dinner taking another sip of wine. “You weren’t exactly enthusiastic at first.”
“Until you convinced me otherwise,” Erik replied. “Sometimes I think you really did go in my head and force me to stay.” He was smiling when he said it because he was not serious but something dark crossed Charles’ features.
“I didn’t force anything on you,” Charles said seriously. Erik realized that just inferring that Charles would do something like that was an insult and something that was not a joking matter.
“I know you didn’t, Charles, I was just kidding,” Erik clarified the smile fading. Charles blinked and flashed a brief smile that looked forced.
“Sorry, sorry, I just don’t want you to think I would ever betray you like that.” They sat in silence for a moment because a couple had sat down at the table next to them and could possibly hear what they were saying. As much as both of them talked about not hiding who they were they did not want someone overhearing all of this yet.
I think I’m going to go back to the hotel, Charles’ voice said in Erik’s head and despite how many times they had communicated telepathically it was still a little eerie. Charles, however, seemed to find his reaction amusing because there was a chuckle in his head that was so soft that Erik was sure he had not been meant to hear it. He also chose to ignore the way that laugh made his stomach twist into a knot.
Very funny, Charles, Erik projected back. I need to use the restroom and I’ll meet up with you outside. Charles nodded and called the waiter over for their check. Erik felt no guilt when they left a generous tip because it was all on the American government’s tab. Charles nodded and they parted ways. Erik leaned against the bathroom sink heavily and closed his eyes. They had been traveling together for almost a week now and Erik found himself constantly trying to convince himself that Charles did not mean that much to him. He could not deny that he cared for the man but he had surprised himself when Charles was struck with a crippling migraine. The mutant that he had tried to communicate with had managed to lash out and take Charles by surprise. For the rest of the day Erik had felt like nothing in the world mattered because Charles Xavier was curled in the fetal position whimpering in pain. He did not know where that sudden desire to protect came from but it was not helping ease this feeling in his gut. The fine food sat like a lump of lead in his stomach and Erik splashed some water on his face. He had to get this sorted out and fast.
Erik knew something was wrong the second he stepped out of the restaurant. Charles was nowhere to be seen and throughout the trip, Charles had always waited for him. Now there was no sign of the man and that set Erik on edge. He closed his eyes and listened to the metal around him, waiting for some sort of sign. The instant he felt a gun he started to panic a little. I seem to panic a lot when it comes to Charles, Erik thought as he followed the gun. He turned a corner and froze. A man was pressing Charles against a wall with an arm against his throat. Charles did not look worried but in the dim light Erik could see the man’s rage.
“You listen to me, you government fucker; you stay away from my family or this is going to get ugly,” the man said and Erik recognized him as the father of a mutant they had talked to earlier in the day.
“We never meant any harm, Mr. Johnson, we just wanted to help. We could help you, too, if you wanted,” Charles said evenly but Mr. Johnson was was not listening. He pulled the gun out of the holster on his hip and pressed the muzzle to Charles' temple. Erik reacted without thinking twice. He tore the gun from the man's fingers and it went off, shooting at a wall several feet above Charles. Mr. Johnson turned and stared at Erik with wide eyes.
“It would be in your best interest to walk away right now,” Erik said keeping his voice low and even.
“Erik, don't--” Whatever Charles was about to say did not matter the moment Mr. Johnson rushed toward him. Erik ducked right, narrowing avoiding a punch, when he realized what Charles had meant when he said that they could help him too. This man was a mutant and it appeared that his mutation was increased speed. It was because of that that Erik did not berate himself for the punches to the face and stomach that sent him stumbling back a few steps. The man moved forward with deadly intent, a look Erik knew all too well, and he was not going to die in a back alley because some father was pitching a fit. He pulled the nearest metal object, a trash can lid, and hit Mr. Johnson in the head hard enough that he hit the floor. Without thinking twice Erik crushed the lid into a ball with every intention of driving it though the man's skull.
“Stop,” and Erik's body froze. He could not move, blink, anything as he stood over the man. He could still move his eyes and he saw Charles walking toward him looking too casual. He's controlling me, Erik thought. “I'm sorry, Erik, you know I don't like doing this, but I'm not letting you get more blood on your hands.” Charles knelt down next to Mr. Johnson and touched his temple, his brow creasing in concentration. “He's not dead, thankfully, and he doesn't remember us now.” Charles stood and Erik could move again.
“Charles, you promised--”
“Yes, I promised, and I'm sorry to break that promise but you were out of control,” Charles replied and he walked away from the body on the ground, evidently moving this conversation to another location. They walked in silence back to the hotel and when they closed the door Charles turned with anger in his eyes. “What were you thinking, Erik?”
“He had a gun on you, how was I supposed to react?” Erik asked.
“Yes, he had a gun, and I also could have taken control of him at any time.” Charles ran his fingers through his hair looking frustrated. “I'm not helpless, Erik, I don't need you to swoop in and protect me like some maiden in distress.”
“Maybe if you showed some semblance of survival instinct I wouldn't feel the need to,” Erik said his voice hard. “I mean honestly, Charles, how long were you going to just sit there and let him wave a gun at you? His finger was on the trigger, it could have fired at any time, you think you could have taken control when that happened? First you use Cerebro and nearly melt your brain now you have some crazed mutant, with enhanced speed I might add, put a gun to your temple.” Erik was not sure where this rant was coming from but he stepped forward into Charles' space, leaning down so he dwarfed the other man using only his height and body. “Don't think I haven't noticed how hard you've been pushing yourself.”
“There are mutants out there that need my help--”
“Shut up, Charles,” Erik said cutting the other man off. “You're going to drive yourself into the ground and I'm not going to let you, are we clear? Read my mind right now, go ahead, and just see how serious I am.” Charles stared at him, eyes wide, as he slowly placed a hand to his temple. Erik tried to control all of the emotions that were rushing through him but judging by the way Charles suddenly jerked back he was not succeeding.
“I'm sorry,” he said softly and something in Erik's stomach twisted at that voice.
“You get some rest and we'll take a break in the morning. Alex Summers is in prison so I don't think we need to worry about losing him,” Erik said and he moved out of Charles' space. They did not speak another word for the rest of the night but when Erik glanced over he saw Charles sleeping soundly. In that moment Erik knew, without a doubt, that he was completely screwed and there was no going back.
---
The ride back to the hotel through the Russian country side was completely silent. While they had captured Emma Frost she had not revealed the location of Shaw, only what his intentions were. When Charles explained it to him it made Erik’s stomach drop. There would be no talking Shaw out of this kind of madness and they both knew it. Whatever Shaw’s next step was they were going to have to deal with him head on. "Erik didn't mind since this had been his plan all along, but the realization was beginning to set in for Charles. Something was changing in his friend, and Erik was okay with calling the telepath a friend, as he became more and more aware of just what they were dealing with. He also seemed to be becoming more aware of what Erik was willing to do to reach Shaw which was fine by him; better that there was no gray area.
When they arrived back at their base of operations Erik was not at all surprised when Moira and and her superior, whose name he could not bother to remember pulled him off to the side. Charles watched them, hands hanging at his side, and did not move.
“You could have compromised the entire mission,” Moira scolded.
“The mission was over for you but not for me,” Erik replied.
“It was reckless and out of line; I should have you arrested,” her superior said and that made his blood run cold. He could not spend time in a cell, not again, and he was willing to bolt across Russia to avoid it.
“He got you Shaw’s telepath,” Charles said intervening.
“This does not concern you, Mr. Xavier, though you should be punished as well,” the superior said but Charles narrowed his eyes.
“Actually it does concern me because without me you wouldn’t know what Shaw was planning and without Erik you wouldn’t have her at all. We are civilians helping you of our own volition despite the fact that it is becoming more and more clear that our lives are at stake. So I think it would be in your best interest to show some gratitude since we are doing all of the work.” Erik raised both of his eyebrows and smiled a little at him; he had never heard Charles go off like that and the two CIA members looked just as surprised.
“Are you threatening a member of the CIA, Mr. Xavier?” the superior asked evenly.
“No, I’m telling you that you are going to lose your only assets if you keep acting this way,” Charles replied his voice almost eerily calm. Without waiting for another word the telepath turned on his heels and walked away from the two agents. Erik could feel Moira’s gaze burning through the back of his head but did not let it bother him. He walked in silence with Charles until they were outside and away from the building. “I could really use a drink.”
“I thought you didn’t agree with me storming the place like that,” Erik said as Charles massaged his temples.
“I didn’t and I don’t like how you went about disabling Miss Frost but that doesn’t make it any less of a success,” Charles replied sighing heavily.
“So you were defending me.” Erik smiled to himself as he remembered their last conversation concerning ‘protection’ and ‘defending.’ Charles seemed to remember it as well and he looked a little sheepish.
“I guess that makes me something of a hypocrite but I would do it again in a heartbeat,” he replied.
“You’re going to get yourself on the bad side of the CIA,” Erik warned but Charles waved him off.
“You’re worth it,” Charles said, his hands in his pockets all too casual. Erik said nothing and they stood in silence until they were called back in by a nervous Moira.
---
Erik was having a nightmare. By this point in his life he was used to them and accepted that they were going to happen every night. That did not change now that he was at the Xavier mansion training to take out Shaw. He tried not to get too distracted by the way each of the children smiled when they realized that they were in control of their powers and not the other way around. Erik was almost envious of them because it had taken him years to think of his powers as anything less than an asset or a convenient weapon. So he watched Sean fall out of a window and Alex set half the bunker on fire and he could not help but feel a swell of pride for them. He was with them, right now, but they were not training. They were dead before him, eyes staring up, mouths open in shock. They died quickly, they were given that luxury, and Erik stepped carefully around them until he found Charles. He was completely still on the ground, the blood a pool around him, and another bullet hole in his chest. This one was aimed though, he could tell, because it hit vital organs but not enough for him to die quickly. No, unlike the others he was not given that mercy.
“I’m proud of you,” an all too familiar voice said and Erik’s head snapped up to see Shaw standing before him.
“I killed them, I killed him,” Erik replied because it was true.
“They were in the way of our goals; you did the right thing.” Shaw offered him a hand and Erik stared at it. There was blood on it, Charles’ blood, and the thought of touching it, of having that blood on his hands again, made him feel ill.
As quickly as the scene unfolded before him it vanished. Erik stood and there were no bodies, no blood, and Shaw was gone. He was just standing in the garden behind the mansion. Vaguely he could hear them talking, he could hear Charles, which was a relief. However, the sudden feeling of peace was not something normal. This was not how his nightmares ended, he woke up screaming or crushing something metal in his room, this was not right and he wanted to wake up .
Erik sat up straight and hit something with his forehead. Without thinking he called the small pocket knife he carried with him and rolled the person, he thought it was a person, onto their back and held the knife to their neck. A lump formed in his throat when he stared down at Charles who staring at him with wide eyes and a cut on his forehead that was already starting to bleed.
“Only you would find peace in a dream wrong,” Charles said.
“What are you doing here?” Erik asked as he tossed the knife away but did not let Charles up from where he was pinned. “I could have killed you.”
“But you didn’t,” he said as if that was enough to dismiss the issue. “And I felt your nightmare and wanted to help.” Erik closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. This felt like a betrayal because here Charles was admitting that he had been in Erik’s head. A hand touched his cheek gently and Erik slapped it away.
“Get out of here, Charles,” he said evenly. “Put some ice on your head and go back to your own room.” Erik leaned back and let Charles sit up. He looked like he wanted to say something but whatever it was Erik did not want to hear it. Charles seemed to understand that and left the room with a hand to his forehead. When he was alone he risked a glance to the spot on the bed where Charles had been; there were a few drops of blood on the pillowcase.
I won’t hurt you again, Erik thought to himself and closed his eyes.
---
“Listen to me very carefully, my friend, killing Shaw will not bring you peace.”
“Peace was never an option.”
Present
Erik opened his eyes slowly as he tried to clear the haze from his mind. The first thing he became aware of was the pain in his shoulder and that he was no longer on a beach. Erik sat up slowly and looked around the room; it was his bedroom back at the mansion. Something like dread clenched his stomach when he realized that his hands had been stained with Charles’ blood the last time he was awake. Panic clawed at him (always panic, always, always with Charles) when the door opened and Raven stepped through. She was wearing her blue form and in a long skirt and a form fitting t-shirt. She stopped short when she saw him, a book in her hand, and stared.
“You’re awake,” she said flatly as if that was an important thing.
“What happened? Where is Charles?” Erik asked as he started to climb out of bed. Raven was next to him pushing him back into the bed faster than he thought possible. The entire world seemed hazy and he knew this feeling; he was on painkillers.
“Stay in bed for god’s sake. Your shoulder is a mess and you’re going to ruin all of the work we did to make it functional again.” Raven set her book on the end table and leaned over, looking at the bandages but did not say anything.
“Raven, please, tell me; where is he?” he asked again his voice softer. She did not look up from changing his bandages.
“You deflected the bullets that Moira fired at you when you decided launching dozens of rockets at military fleets of two of the biggest world powers was a good idea,” Raven said and thinking about it now it was not exactly a good way of going about that situation. “One of the bullets hit Charles in the side. It tore him up really badly but it was enough to distract you. Then Moira fired again and hit you in the shoulder. Charles managed to get you to take the helmet off and put you to sleep.”
“How is he?” Erik asked his mouth dry.
“Alive though it was a close call.” Raven finished changing the bandage and stood up straight to stare down at him. “His heart stopped on the operating table but they managed to get it started again. He’s more or less functional now and there wasn’t any permanent damage. That was three weeks ago and he thought it would be best if you slept for some reason.” There was a long pause as Erik tried to collect his thoughts, tried to come up with something to say, to find the right words to apologize, to ask to see Charles, to tell him to stay away because he could not face his best friend after he had nearly killed him. He knew why Charles had kept him asleep; the telepath had not wanted him to run while injured. Raven walked over to the suitcase with all of his things and pulled the helmet out. It was the thing that kept Charles out, it would protect him from Charles reading the mess of his thoughts right now.
“Raven, I need that,” Erik said evenly and she simply stared at him.
“He thought you would for some reason,” Raven replied but she handed him the helmet nevertheless. The moment the cold metal touched his head Erik felt much safer. He could not let Charles see how pained he was at the thought that he had nearly killed the one person he cared about in the world. “You’re both more or less useless right now so get some sleep. I can send him by later.” She paused to stare at him with that same look Charles got when he was reading someone’s mind. “But something tells me you don’t want that.” Without waiting for confirmation Raven turned and walked out of the room. Erik stared at the ceiling, almost thankful that Raven was as good at reading people as her brother was at times. The helmet was cold and uncomfortable but as long as it served its purpose, as long as it served its purpose and kept Charles out of his head, then it was worth it.
Erik closed his eyes but stayed in bed because he did not want to risk seeing Charles; he could not face the other man, not yet.
---
Erik began to suspect that he was not exactly permitted to leave the house when he noticed how reluctant they were to let him out of bed at all. In the end he did not know who gave the okay but after that it was impossible to be alone. Someone was always with him or close by. He had a feeling that if he tried to leave the mansion none of them would hesitate to use force on him. Erik could accept that, to a degree, as Raven had said he had almost attacked two world powers and something like that could not be ignored. It was why he spent the majority of his time in the bunker trying to hone his skills.
It was also easy to avoid Charles this way as well. He resented himself a little for avoiding the other man like this but he also could not stomach the idea of seeing Charles. The helmet never came off and despite how uncomfortable it was the assurance that Charles could not pick up even a stray thought was worth it. The betrayal in Charles’ eyes when he had turned the missiles on the humans, when he had been bleeding out on the beach, Erik did not want to see that again. Eventually, he figured, they would believe he was not a threat and let him leave. Shaw was dead and he was not sure where to go from there because that had been his entire life. Now he needed to find another reason for living and he had no idea what it could possibly be. Erik clenched his fist as he lifted a metal table off of the ground. The muscles in his shoulder immediately screamed at him for it and Hank winced.
"It's going to take a while before you're able to do anything with your dominant hand," he said.
"I don't like that," Erik replied
"There isn't anything you can do about it. For heavy things you need to use your body, you know that, so you're going to have to accept that you aren't going to be able to move satellite dishes anytime soon." Erik felt his entire body tense up at the thought. It had been the first time Charles had been in his head in a long time and the first time the telepath had gone looking for something. What he had brought to the surface had been a memory that made tears fall from both of their eyes. It had seemed like such a private moment And Erik was not sure he was okay with other people knowing about it. It must have shown in his eyes that he was lost in his own head because Hank put his clipboard down a little harder than necessary, drawing Erik's attention out of his own head. "I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something." Erik turned and stared at the mutant before him; it was so hard to tell now how Hank was reacting, if he was angry, and if something was going to set him off.
"What is it?" Erik asked walking over to look at some papers on the table. He instantly knew what it was and it made his stomach twist into a tight knot. "Those are the plans for Cerebro."
"Yes, they are, I took them from the CIA when we left. It seemed like a good idea at the time," Hank replied.
"It probably was." Erik did not mention the CIA much and what little information he had managed to get out of Sean was that Charles had wiped Moira’s mind once he regained consciousness. All it had taken was some convincing and she walked out the door none the wiser
"Anyway, I think we're going to need it. Charles doesn't want to leave mutants in the hands of the government and he wants to help as many as he can. We have a few pages of locations but we're going to need to look elsewhere eventually. I was wondering what you think of the changes I made." Erik creased his eyebrows and looked at the plans. Hank had carefully marked all of the metal pieces, what would be going where, and made it as simple as possible in his scribble.
"This would work but I don't like that machine," Erik said. "We don't know what it could do to him if he contacted someone he shouldn't or something like that." He did not mention the time Charles had passed out and stopped breathing. That was something that Charles needed to say and if he did not then Erik had no qualms telling Hank the dangers of this machine.
"Professor thinks it's okay and it is his head." Hank gathered the papers and put them all in a pile. "If you're willing you would be a big help." Neither of them mentioned whether or not he would still be there but Erik did not comment on the matter. He did not reply at all and Hank did not seem surprised. All of them seemed on edge, as if they wanted to tell him to go patch things up with Charles, but none of them were willing actually say it.
Erik parted with Hank and headed upstairs to gather some of his things. He had waited around long enough and he wanted to leave. If they wanted to stop him then he was more than willing to give the kids a run for their money. As he walked he passed by a cracked door and caught a glimpse of Charles. Erik froze and looked in because Charles was pulling on a button down shirt with his chest exposing the ugly wound on his side, which was bruised and bandaged still. For some reason he was transfixed by the sight and could not move. It was a minute or so before he realized that Charles was standing there watching him. Against his better judgment Erik walked into the room without bothering to knock.
"Hello, Erik, I was wondering when I would see you," Charles said. How could he possibly sound so casual with such an ugly wound on his side? The bullet was not clean, it had torn through his side, and it really was a miracle he had not bled out. With the helmet Charles could not read his mind but that did not set Erik at ease.
"I did that," was all he managed to say. Charles looked down at the wound as if he had forgotten it was there at all, as if it somehow did not matter, and finished buttoning up his shirt.
"It was an accident, Erik. I don't blame you for it," Charles replied as he pulled a sweater on as well. "You were defending yourself, I know that, and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." There was no possible way that this was not bothering him at all because the scar was terrible and Charles had been briefly dead on an operating table. Erik moved forward and got directly into Charles' space and was surprised that the telepath did not flinch or hesitate.
"I did this to you, I nearly killed you, how can you be so casual about that?" he asked bewildered.
"I trust you, Erik, I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose." Charles reached up to touch the helmet. "I wish you'd take this damnable thing off; it's very disorienting to not hear you." Erik snatched Charles' wrist before he could touch the metal of the helmet and held it there. They stood together for a moment staring at each other.
"You trust me?" Erik asked taking a step forward, forcing Charles to take a step back. "After I cut you off when I went after Shaw?"
"I had a feeling something like that would happen; you were facing the man that tortured you and killed your mother. I wasn't expecting rationality," Charles replied but Erik continued to take a step forward as Charles slowly backed up.
"Even after I tried to rally everyone into going to war with the humans?"
"You want what's best for us, all of us, I just don't agree with your methods." They were close to the wall now and Erik did not release Charles' wrist, wondering why he was trying to convince Charles not to trust him.
"Even after I turned all of those missiles on the boats? Even after I was condemning thousands of men to die?" Erik stayed in Charles' space as the telepath's back hit the wall. If Charles was afraid or nervous he was doing a very good job of not showing it. Erik took Charles' other wrist and pinned both of them to the wall, his hands up as if in a surrender. "I could kill you right now before any of the kids could get up here."
"You won't though," Charles replied with all the confidence in the world.
"How do you know that? You can't read my mind," Erik said tightening his grip.
"Because I trust you and even though I can't read your mind I'm 100% confident that you won't hurt me." The words were spoken with such conviction that it left Erik breathless. Charles was staring down a man that could kill him with his bare hands with no means of defense and he was not even nervous. He looked as certain in this as he had when he told Erik he could move the satellite dish. For what felt like a long time all Erik could do was stare at the man before him, flabbergasted and frustrated because he could not understand this level of trust and how Charles was still so naive. The moment he took off the helmet Charles could take control of him, make him forget everything, bend him to his will. Charles had confessed that he trusted in Erik and now it was his turn to trust in Charles. He needed this man more than he had ever imagined and the twisted feelings inside could not be ignored anymore.
Erik released one of Charles’ wrists, pulled the helmet off, tossed it aside, and before Charles could say anything, Erik reclaimed the wrist and pressed their lips together. If the sound of surprise Charles made was any indication, he had not been expecting this and Erik felt almost smug knowing he had caught the great Charles Xavier by surprise. For a moment Charles did not react and Erik tried to come up with some sort of explanation until Charles began to kiss him back. It was as if Charles melted into him and he opened his mouth willingly. It was the most natural kiss of Erik’s entire life; it felt right. In his head all he could think about was why it had taken them this long to get here. If Charles’ enthusiasm for the kiss was any indication this was not one sided. Erik felt Charles try to move his hands, to do something, but held them in place tightening his grip. They were an anchor, he could feel Charles’ pulse underneath his fingers, so he was 100% sure that the telepath was there. They only broke for oxygen and stared at each other.
“I was not expecting that,” Charles said his voice already breathy; it made his head spin.
“I took the great Professor Charles Xavier by surprise? I feel like this should be a great accomplishment,” Erik replied smirking.
Kiss me again, Charles’ voice in his head ordered and Erik was more than happy to comply. He locked their lips together and released Charles’ wrist to take a step back from the wall. From there it was like Charles’ hands were everywhere at once, clutching Erik’s shirt and holding on as if for dear life. Erik could only wonder if Charles was an desperate to know that he was here, he was real, as well. Yes, I do, Charles said.
I told you to stay out of my head, Erik projected back never breaking their kiss.
You’re projecting as if that was the only problem that they had. Erik dropped his hands to Charles’ waist and pulled them so they were flush against each other. For a second he thought he felt a dull prick in the back of his head but he was too distracted by Charles’ mouth. Erik managed to tear himself away from that mouth and latched onto a spot on the other man’s neck. The collar of the shirt was in the way and he wanted it off right now, he wanted all of Charles right now, and he began to walk them backwards toward the bed. It was in that moment that he felt Charles tense up for the first time.
“I’ve got you,” Erik whispered as Charles’ legs hit the back of the bed.
“Erik, I--” but Charles was cut off when Erik pushed him back on the bed. To his horror Erik watched as Charles curled up in pain, wincing to the point that there were almost tears in his eyes and he suddenly felt so stupid. He realized that Charles landed on his hurt side, the wound still new and painful.
“It’s okay, Erik,” Charles said but it sounded forced. Erik leaned over Charles carefully and started to unbutton the shirt. He could feel the telepath’s confusion and Erik smiled.
“I said I’ve got you,” he replied as he finished unbuttoning the shirt. Now he could see the real damage done to Charles’ torso. The wound was ugly and the amount of blood loss must have been must have been quite high. “How did you get to a hospital in time?”
“The teleporter, Azazel, took me without hesitation. After I was on the operating table and he got everyone off of the beach he and the other man both vanished. Angel stayed for a few days but when they found out that Sean’s arm was badly injured she left. I think she’ll be back eventually.” Charles shifted on the bed but he did not look uncomfortable. Erik leaned over him, bracing himself on his hands so as to avoid putting any weight on Charles, and looked into his eyes. He was not a romantic man and if he was completely honest with himself he really had no idea what he was doing. Sex had always been means to an end for him, something to cure an itch or get information, that was forgotten hours later. “I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Charles said and Erik leaned down so they were nose to nose.
“Are you in my head?” he asked though he knew the answer.
“Of course not; you’re projecting again,” Charles replied.
“Do you want to be?” Erik asked and Charles’ eyes went wide. “I know what I’m asking and I’m saying it’s okay.” If Charles’ fingers trembled a bit as he reached for his temple Erik chose not to comment on it. Instead he laid kisses along the telepath’s bare chest, stopping every now and then to suck a mark into his skin. Erik knew the moment Charles was in his head because it felt calm, like someone was soothing a headache, and he could feel the other man’s emotions. Erik truly understood the level of confidence and trust that Charles had in him and he did his best to project those back. He felt Charles breath hitch when his teeth found the other man’s collarbone but he was not sure if it was from physical or mental stimulation.
“Get up here,” Charles managed to say as two surprisingly strong hands grasped his shoulders and pulled Erik up so their mouths could meet again. Somehow they managed to move to the top of the bed so they could stretch out side by side together. Charles stared at the ceiling, breathing hard after they broke their kiss. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Erik was stretched out on his stomach feeling sedated despite the fact that they had not done anything outside of kissing.
“For letting me in like that. No one has ever done that before,” Charles said with a ghost of a smile on his lips. There was that same distant look in his eyes that was there that was there the four or five times he had used Cerebro. For some reason it worried Erik and he reached forward to touch Charles’ shoulder. “I can feel your worry and I’m sorry. I just haven’t dived in like that before and it’s overwhelming. I get hit with everything; not just memories but emotions, dreams, wishes, anything that you can think might be in your head at any given time. That coupled with us--” Charles actually blushed a little “--what we were doing at the time really hit me hard. I’m okay though just a little overly sensitive I suppose.” Erik had no words to offer a telepath on what kind of things they must go through on a regular basis so he tried to keep his thoughts quiet. They lay in silence until Charles fell asleep and Erik watched him carefully wondering if this burning need to shield Charles from the world would ever go away.
forward
Author: safaiagem
Artist: shiroki_kun
Verse: First Class
Word Count: 25,156
Rating: hard R
Characters/Pairings: Charles, Erik, Angel, Alex, Sean, Moira, Raven, Hank, Emma Charles/Erik
Warnings Sexual content, torture (mental and physical), violence, language
Summary: Moira fired seven shots that day on the beach and Erik deflected five of them with ease. The sixth, however, was the one that made the entire world slow down as blood began to stain Charles' stomach. It was enough of a distraction that he barely felt the seventh bullet nor did he care what happened to it. Charles reached with bloodstained hands to remove the helmet just in time to tell Erik Sleep. When Erik woke up he could no make himself look Charles in the eye and he hid his thoughts behind the helmet. When he finally admitted to himself how much Charles meant to him, he was welcomed with open arms and forgiveness. However, they forget that just because they are hiding they cannot be found and that fear makes rational men do desperate things.
I'll Take the Force of the Blow
Present
The missiles were high in the air soaring toward some humans that had decided that he and half a dozen innocent, more or less, mutants deserved to die. Erik could not stand the idea that these people somehow thought they had the right to end his life simply because of what he was. The tattoo on his arm seemed to burn with the memory of the camps and it turned his stomach at the thought of being a lab rat again. The thought of the kids being exposed to that made his heart start pounding but it was the thought of Charles being exposed to someone like Shaw that made Erik’s blood run cold. Erik knew he could survive that again and he had some faith in one or two of the kids but for some reason he could not see Charles coming out even remotely the same person. He was not going to let these humans ruin his friend.
Moira, for all the use that she was here, was walking toward him with intent and the moment her gun moved Erik knew what she was planning. She fired five shots at him and as Erik deflected them he wondered why she even bothered. Firing a gun at him was pointless but he did not blame her. She was protecting her own race. The sixth bullet seemed no different from the others but a grunt of pain was enough to distract him. The entire world slowed down as Erik turned around.
Charles stood nearby looking down at his stomach as if he was not entirely sure what had just happened. The blue and yellow jumpsuit was beginning to stain red as Erik realized that he had deflected that sixth bullet and it had struck his friend. There was a seventh bullet but he hardly heard it fire and for half a moment Erik thought he felt some sort of pain but that did not matter because Charles was crumpling to the ground. Erik scrambled over and fell to his knees, placing a hand over the wound.
“Charles, Charles, hang on,” Erik managed to say but there was already so much blood staining the white sand. Charles reached up and touched Erik’s cheek and there was blood on his fingers, Erik could feel it on his skin, and he thought for sure he was going to be sick. He had done this, he had hurt his best friend, he had Charles’ blood all over his hands.
“Please, Erik, take it off,” Charles managed to say and for some reason nothing else mattered right now. It did not matter that mere moments ago they had been willing to beat each other with their fists or that Charles was trying to remove the helmet to take control because there was blood everywhere. Erik moved to toss the damned thing aside but when he started to move his arm he realized that a bullet, the seventh bullet, had passed through his shoulder; he had had no idea. Using his left hand Erik pushed the helmet aside and let it roll across the sand now stained with Charles’ blood.
“Hang on, okay? I’m going to get you help and we’re going to have a long fight about all of this,” Erik said though he was not sure who exactly he was trying to convince. Charles’ hand was on his cheek and it moved to his temple, smearing blood as it went.
Sleep, Charles’ voice said in his head and before Erik could protest the entire world faded to black.
Past
The first time Erik met Charles Xavier he was conflicted about how he felt for the man. On one hand he now knew that he was not alone, that there were other people in the world like him, and that brought a sense of comfort that Erik had not known existed anymore. It was like some great weight was lifted from his shoulders the moment Charles said ‘you’re not alone’ because he had always been alone. Ever since that gunshot rang out and took the only family he had left, when Shaw took his mother from him, there had been no one in his life.
However Erik could feel the submarine getting further and further away as he continued to tread water. In that moment he resented Charles Xavier for getting in the way of what he had to do. This was the closest he had gotten to Shaw since he had escaped all of those years ago and what right did this stranger have to get in the way of that? Now he could feel the man that destroyed his childhood getting away and there was nothing he could do.
“I can help you find him again,” Charles said suddenly as the boat moved closer to them. “I can read your mind and you’re currently projecting quite loudly. I can hear you and I’m telling you, I can help you find him again, Erik.”
“I don’t think my head is a wise place to be,” Erik said but Charles smiled at him and for some reason it looked a little sad.
“I’m afraid it’s a little late for that,” he said.
“Charles! Charles, are you okay?” a female voice called from up on the boat interrupting anything Erik would have said.
“I had a bit of a rough landing but I’m fine, Moira,” Charles called back but he did not look up to look at the woman. “I know you want to leave and you don’t trust me, Erik, but please listen to what I have to say first. Or at least get a cup of tea because this water is not as warm as I wish it was.” Every instinct Erik had told him that he should not follow this man. When a smaller boat came around and helped Charles in he contemplated just swimming back to shore on his own and leaving this entire thing behind him. Yet when Charles held out a hand to help Erik into the boat he stared at the stared at the man's open expression, seeing no deceit behind those eyes
Against his better judgment Erik Lehnsherr took Charles Xavier’s hand.
---
Looking at Cerebo now made Erik nervous. Hank had showed them how to work the machine the day before but he guessed that he had not meant for the two of them to use it on their own. After using the machine Charles had winced when he walked outside into the bright sunlight. If there was ever a sign of a wicked headache that was one but Charles never said anything. Later on Erik would notice how little the telepath ate and that he looked like he was not seeing the world properly. Erik ran all of these thoughts through his head as he watched Charles set up the machine. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was a bad idea but there was no stopping Charles when he got into this state. He was grinning like a kid on Christmas and seemed far too eager to use a machine that seemed too dangerous for Erik’s liking.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea to do this without McCoy?” Erik asked.
“We both learned how to use this yesterday,” Charles said waving him off. “Your memory is just as good as mine, right? So there’s nothing to worry about.”
“There’s plenty to worry about. We don’t know what kind of side effects this thing has on you; you’ve only tried it once,” Erik pointed out.
“There weren’t any--”
“That’s a lie; don’t lie to me, Charles.” Erik crossed his arms and stared Charles down, making sure that he did not break eye contact with the other man. For someone who could read minds and do god knows what else to an unsuspecting victim Charles was not a very good liar. The other man seemed to be thinking something over for a moment then heaved a sigh.
“Okay, I had a headache and I felt a little--” Charles waved his hand as if he was trying to come up with the right word “--detached? No, that’s not right, maybe a little spacey?”
“‘Spacey’ sounds about right since you looked like you were three universes away,” Erik replied. “This machine is impressive and I like the idea behind it but I think we should do more testing.”
“Yes, testing, like me using it for five minutes,” Charles said and Erik glared. “Just five minutes and then I’ll leave it alone. Promise.” He did not wait for Erik to respond as he walked around the center of the machine. Charles pulled the helmet of twisted wires over his head and put his hands on the railing. He could not turn on the machine from here and Erik was not sure if he wanted to do this. Using Cerebro they could quickly find Shaw or someone else who knew where the man was. Shaw was the goal and it should not matter to him if someone else got in the way. Erik tried to compartmentalize, tried to convince himself that this was the case, but there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach that Erik could not shake. Charles tilted his head to the side and looked a little pensive and for a horrible moment Erik thought Charles was reading him. Stay out of my head, he thought as loudly as he could. “I’m not in your head, Erik, you don’t need to shout.”
“And keep it that way.”
“I already said I wouldn’t go anywhere near your head without your express permission but don’t try to distract me. I need you to flip the switch. Will you do it?” Charles stared at him and Erik felt like he was being judged in some way. Without another word he walked over to the switchboard, tossed a last glance at Charles who nodded, and flipped the switch. Within seconds Charles’ grip on the railing was tight enough that his knuckles were turning white. Erik walked around so he was face to face with Charles as the telepath stared straight ahead. His eyes were so wide and yet looked so far away as if he was seeing something completely different than Erik a foot or so away. Coordinates did not print out though like they had before and Erik wondered what Charles was doing exactly. His lips began to move in silent conversation, something else that had not happened the previous time, and it was starting to make him nervous.
“Charles, can you hear me? Are you okay?” Erik asked. He was not too surprised that he did not get any sort of response because he could only imagine the level of concentration that went into this machine but that did not ease his worries. He checked his watch and saw that almost three minutes had passed. He was not giving Charles more time than that, and Erik started to count down the seconds when something in the air changed. There was metal in the air, iron, and there was only one thing that caused that feeling.
It was in that moment that Erik noticed the blood that was starting to ooze from Charles’ ear and that was all the motivation he needed to shut the machine down. Charles, can you hear me? Answer, do something, if you can hear me, Erik projected the best he could as the machine began to shut down. It took far too long and by the time the lights on the helmet died, blood stained the collar of Charles’ shirt. As soon as the machine died Charles collapsed onto the railing and Erik nearly missed catching the other man before he toppled to the floor headfirst. Erik laid Charles onto his back, noticing the blood from his ears, a little from his nose, how ashen gray his skin was and that his eyes were still wide and unseeing.
“Charles, Charles, are you still with me? Wake up.” Erik chose to ignore the hint of panic in his voice because he did not panic. When Charles stopped breathing a moment later, Eric very definitely began panicking. Erik wasted absolutely no time blowing blowing air into his into his friend’s mouth willing him to breath. He was about to call for help when Charles gasped a breath and blinked as if to clear his focus.
“Oh, hello, Erik,” Charles said.
“‘Hello, Erik?’ You stopped breathing on me and that’s what you have to say?” Erik asked flabbergasted.
“Well, I don’t remember not breathing.” Charles reached up, wiped his nose and stared at the blood. “When did that happen?”
“Just now while you were using the damned machine. You’re bleeding here, too.” Erik reached forward, touching Charles’ ear and showing him the blood.
“Oh, that’s not good.” Charles moved to sit up but Erik nearly shoved him back down to the ground with a palm over his heart. Charles’ heartbeat was frantic, as if he had just run a marathon, and that did not calm his nerves.
“Stay right there and don’t move.” Erik stood and managed to find a water bottle and a glass on the desk, left by Hank most likely, but he did not really care about the potential for germs. When he brought them back the telepath was still on his back staring at the ceiling as Erik knelt down next to him. “Sit up slowly or you might black out with how fast your heart is beating. “
“Yes, sir,” Charles replied and Erik resisted the temptation to hit him. Instead he put a hand between the other man’s shoulder blades and helped him sit up. Charles took the glass of water and drank it slowly, the color slowly returning to his face.
“What did you do differently?” Erik asked and Charles looked a little embarrassed.
“I was trying to find Shaw. I might have touched him, I don’t know, but something completely locked me out. The sudden cut off must have backfired on me,” Charles explained. “I wanted to get a location for you as soon as possible.”
“You did that for me?” Erik asked bewildered.
“Of course, Erik, why wouldn’t I?” Charles took another drink from the glass of water. Erik was suddenly hyper aware of several things. The first was the slight tremble of his hand on Charles’ back and how hard his heart was beating. I was scared, Erik thought as quietly as possible so maybe Charles would not overhear. The last time he had genuinely been scared for another person was the day Shaw shot his mother. After that moment there had been no one in his life that he feared for. Yet here he was with this man he hardly knew, nerves shattered to the point that he was physically affected. It was almost too much to handle and coupled with the fact that Charles had also been harmed trying to do something for him made it even worse.
“We’re not ready for him yet and it sounds like he hurt you. Don’t worry about him for now,” Erik said his voice surprisingly even. “Don’t do that again.” Charles looked up from his water and met Erik’s eyes; they were only inches apart.
“Promise,” Charles replied sincerely. Erik stood and offered a hand, helping an unsteady Charles to his feet. He cared about this man and in that moment Erik realized he could not compartmentalize when it came to Charles. If Charles heard Erik swear to himself rather loudly he did not comment on it.
---
They were on the recruitment trip but it felt like more of a scavenger hunt. Charles found them coordinates but by the time they got to the location, the mutant they were looking for had had more than likely moved on. That meant that they walked around a lot, asking questions while Charles read minds and Erik acted intimidating when needed. So far anyone that declined their offer had done so in a fairly civilized manner which was fine with Erik. Charles berated him the first time when he wanted to try and talk to the young man again. ‘We won’t convince them all’ Charles had said but that did not sit well with Erik. There were too many people out there that were willing to sit back and do nothing. He could not understand that and told Charles as much.
“We’re asking a lot from these people,” Charles said over dinner taking another sip of wine. “You weren’t exactly enthusiastic at first.”
“Until you convinced me otherwise,” Erik replied. “Sometimes I think you really did go in my head and force me to stay.” He was smiling when he said it because he was not serious but something dark crossed Charles’ features.
“I didn’t force anything on you,” Charles said seriously. Erik realized that just inferring that Charles would do something like that was an insult and something that was not a joking matter.
“I know you didn’t, Charles, I was just kidding,” Erik clarified the smile fading. Charles blinked and flashed a brief smile that looked forced.
“Sorry, sorry, I just don’t want you to think I would ever betray you like that.” They sat in silence for a moment because a couple had sat down at the table next to them and could possibly hear what they were saying. As much as both of them talked about not hiding who they were they did not want someone overhearing all of this yet.
I think I’m going to go back to the hotel, Charles’ voice said in Erik’s head and despite how many times they had communicated telepathically it was still a little eerie. Charles, however, seemed to find his reaction amusing because there was a chuckle in his head that was so soft that Erik was sure he had not been meant to hear it. He also chose to ignore the way that laugh made his stomach twist into a knot.
Very funny, Charles, Erik projected back. I need to use the restroom and I’ll meet up with you outside. Charles nodded and called the waiter over for their check. Erik felt no guilt when they left a generous tip because it was all on the American government’s tab. Charles nodded and they parted ways. Erik leaned against the bathroom sink heavily and closed his eyes. They had been traveling together for almost a week now and Erik found himself constantly trying to convince himself that Charles did not mean that much to him. He could not deny that he cared for the man but he had surprised himself when Charles was struck with a crippling migraine. The mutant that he had tried to communicate with had managed to lash out and take Charles by surprise. For the rest of the day Erik had felt like nothing in the world mattered because Charles Xavier was curled in the fetal position whimpering in pain. He did not know where that sudden desire to protect came from but it was not helping ease this feeling in his gut. The fine food sat like a lump of lead in his stomach and Erik splashed some water on his face. He had to get this sorted out and fast.
Erik knew something was wrong the second he stepped out of the restaurant. Charles was nowhere to be seen and throughout the trip, Charles had always waited for him. Now there was no sign of the man and that set Erik on edge. He closed his eyes and listened to the metal around him, waiting for some sort of sign. The instant he felt a gun he started to panic a little. I seem to panic a lot when it comes to Charles, Erik thought as he followed the gun. He turned a corner and froze. A man was pressing Charles against a wall with an arm against his throat. Charles did not look worried but in the dim light Erik could see the man’s rage.
“You listen to me, you government fucker; you stay away from my family or this is going to get ugly,” the man said and Erik recognized him as the father of a mutant they had talked to earlier in the day.
“We never meant any harm, Mr. Johnson, we just wanted to help. We could help you, too, if you wanted,” Charles said evenly but Mr. Johnson was was not listening. He pulled the gun out of the holster on his hip and pressed the muzzle to Charles' temple. Erik reacted without thinking twice. He tore the gun from the man's fingers and it went off, shooting at a wall several feet above Charles. Mr. Johnson turned and stared at Erik with wide eyes.
“It would be in your best interest to walk away right now,” Erik said keeping his voice low and even.
“Erik, don't--” Whatever Charles was about to say did not matter the moment Mr. Johnson rushed toward him. Erik ducked right, narrowing avoiding a punch, when he realized what Charles had meant when he said that they could help him too. This man was a mutant and it appeared that his mutation was increased speed. It was because of that that Erik did not berate himself for the punches to the face and stomach that sent him stumbling back a few steps. The man moved forward with deadly intent, a look Erik knew all too well, and he was not going to die in a back alley because some father was pitching a fit. He pulled the nearest metal object, a trash can lid, and hit Mr. Johnson in the head hard enough that he hit the floor. Without thinking twice Erik crushed the lid into a ball with every intention of driving it though the man's skull.
“Stop,” and Erik's body froze. He could not move, blink, anything as he stood over the man. He could still move his eyes and he saw Charles walking toward him looking too casual. He's controlling me, Erik thought. “I'm sorry, Erik, you know I don't like doing this, but I'm not letting you get more blood on your hands.” Charles knelt down next to Mr. Johnson and touched his temple, his brow creasing in concentration. “He's not dead, thankfully, and he doesn't remember us now.” Charles stood and Erik could move again.
“Charles, you promised--”
“Yes, I promised, and I'm sorry to break that promise but you were out of control,” Charles replied and he walked away from the body on the ground, evidently moving this conversation to another location. They walked in silence back to the hotel and when they closed the door Charles turned with anger in his eyes. “What were you thinking, Erik?”
“He had a gun on you, how was I supposed to react?” Erik asked.
“Yes, he had a gun, and I also could have taken control of him at any time.” Charles ran his fingers through his hair looking frustrated. “I'm not helpless, Erik, I don't need you to swoop in and protect me like some maiden in distress.”
“Maybe if you showed some semblance of survival instinct I wouldn't feel the need to,” Erik said his voice hard. “I mean honestly, Charles, how long were you going to just sit there and let him wave a gun at you? His finger was on the trigger, it could have fired at any time, you think you could have taken control when that happened? First you use Cerebro and nearly melt your brain now you have some crazed mutant, with enhanced speed I might add, put a gun to your temple.” Erik was not sure where this rant was coming from but he stepped forward into Charles' space, leaning down so he dwarfed the other man using only his height and body. “Don't think I haven't noticed how hard you've been pushing yourself.”
“There are mutants out there that need my help--”
“Shut up, Charles,” Erik said cutting the other man off. “You're going to drive yourself into the ground and I'm not going to let you, are we clear? Read my mind right now, go ahead, and just see how serious I am.” Charles stared at him, eyes wide, as he slowly placed a hand to his temple. Erik tried to control all of the emotions that were rushing through him but judging by the way Charles suddenly jerked back he was not succeeding.
“I'm sorry,” he said softly and something in Erik's stomach twisted at that voice.
“You get some rest and we'll take a break in the morning. Alex Summers is in prison so I don't think we need to worry about losing him,” Erik said and he moved out of Charles' space. They did not speak another word for the rest of the night but when Erik glanced over he saw Charles sleeping soundly. In that moment Erik knew, without a doubt, that he was completely screwed and there was no going back.
---
The ride back to the hotel through the Russian country side was completely silent. While they had captured Emma Frost she had not revealed the location of Shaw, only what his intentions were. When Charles explained it to him it made Erik’s stomach drop. There would be no talking Shaw out of this kind of madness and they both knew it. Whatever Shaw’s next step was they were going to have to deal with him head on. "Erik didn't mind since this had been his plan all along, but the realization was beginning to set in for Charles. Something was changing in his friend, and Erik was okay with calling the telepath a friend, as he became more and more aware of just what they were dealing with. He also seemed to be becoming more aware of what Erik was willing to do to reach Shaw which was fine by him; better that there was no gray area.
When they arrived back at their base of operations Erik was not at all surprised when Moira and and her superior, whose name he could not bother to remember pulled him off to the side. Charles watched them, hands hanging at his side, and did not move.
“You could have compromised the entire mission,” Moira scolded.
“The mission was over for you but not for me,” Erik replied.
“It was reckless and out of line; I should have you arrested,” her superior said and that made his blood run cold. He could not spend time in a cell, not again, and he was willing to bolt across Russia to avoid it.
“He got you Shaw’s telepath,” Charles said intervening.
“This does not concern you, Mr. Xavier, though you should be punished as well,” the superior said but Charles narrowed his eyes.
“Actually it does concern me because without me you wouldn’t know what Shaw was planning and without Erik you wouldn’t have her at all. We are civilians helping you of our own volition despite the fact that it is becoming more and more clear that our lives are at stake. So I think it would be in your best interest to show some gratitude since we are doing all of the work.” Erik raised both of his eyebrows and smiled a little at him; he had never heard Charles go off like that and the two CIA members looked just as surprised.
“Are you threatening a member of the CIA, Mr. Xavier?” the superior asked evenly.
“No, I’m telling you that you are going to lose your only assets if you keep acting this way,” Charles replied his voice almost eerily calm. Without waiting for another word the telepath turned on his heels and walked away from the two agents. Erik could feel Moira’s gaze burning through the back of his head but did not let it bother him. He walked in silence with Charles until they were outside and away from the building. “I could really use a drink.”
“I thought you didn’t agree with me storming the place like that,” Erik said as Charles massaged his temples.
“I didn’t and I don’t like how you went about disabling Miss Frost but that doesn’t make it any less of a success,” Charles replied sighing heavily.
“So you were defending me.” Erik smiled to himself as he remembered their last conversation concerning ‘protection’ and ‘defending.’ Charles seemed to remember it as well and he looked a little sheepish.
“I guess that makes me something of a hypocrite but I would do it again in a heartbeat,” he replied.
“You’re going to get yourself on the bad side of the CIA,” Erik warned but Charles waved him off.
“You’re worth it,” Charles said, his hands in his pockets all too casual. Erik said nothing and they stood in silence until they were called back in by a nervous Moira.
---
Erik was having a nightmare. By this point in his life he was used to them and accepted that they were going to happen every night. That did not change now that he was at the Xavier mansion training to take out Shaw. He tried not to get too distracted by the way each of the children smiled when they realized that they were in control of their powers and not the other way around. Erik was almost envious of them because it had taken him years to think of his powers as anything less than an asset or a convenient weapon. So he watched Sean fall out of a window and Alex set half the bunker on fire and he could not help but feel a swell of pride for them. He was with them, right now, but they were not training. They were dead before him, eyes staring up, mouths open in shock. They died quickly, they were given that luxury, and Erik stepped carefully around them until he found Charles. He was completely still on the ground, the blood a pool around him, and another bullet hole in his chest. This one was aimed though, he could tell, because it hit vital organs but not enough for him to die quickly. No, unlike the others he was not given that mercy.
“I’m proud of you,” an all too familiar voice said and Erik’s head snapped up to see Shaw standing before him.
“I killed them, I killed him,” Erik replied because it was true.
“They were in the way of our goals; you did the right thing.” Shaw offered him a hand and Erik stared at it. There was blood on it, Charles’ blood, and the thought of touching it, of having that blood on his hands again, made him feel ill.
As quickly as the scene unfolded before him it vanished. Erik stood and there were no bodies, no blood, and Shaw was gone. He was just standing in the garden behind the mansion. Vaguely he could hear them talking, he could hear Charles, which was a relief. However, the sudden feeling of peace was not something normal. This was not how his nightmares ended, he woke up screaming or crushing something metal in his room, this was not right and he wanted to wake up .
Erik sat up straight and hit something with his forehead. Without thinking he called the small pocket knife he carried with him and rolled the person, he thought it was a person, onto their back and held the knife to their neck. A lump formed in his throat when he stared down at Charles who staring at him with wide eyes and a cut on his forehead that was already starting to bleed.
“Only you would find peace in a dream wrong,” Charles said.
“What are you doing here?” Erik asked as he tossed the knife away but did not let Charles up from where he was pinned. “I could have killed you.”
“But you didn’t,” he said as if that was enough to dismiss the issue. “And I felt your nightmare and wanted to help.” Erik closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. This felt like a betrayal because here Charles was admitting that he had been in Erik’s head. A hand touched his cheek gently and Erik slapped it away.
“Get out of here, Charles,” he said evenly. “Put some ice on your head and go back to your own room.” Erik leaned back and let Charles sit up. He looked like he wanted to say something but whatever it was Erik did not want to hear it. Charles seemed to understand that and left the room with a hand to his forehead. When he was alone he risked a glance to the spot on the bed where Charles had been; there were a few drops of blood on the pillowcase.
I won’t hurt you again, Erik thought to himself and closed his eyes.
---
“Listen to me very carefully, my friend, killing Shaw will not bring you peace.”
“Peace was never an option.”
Present
Erik opened his eyes slowly as he tried to clear the haze from his mind. The first thing he became aware of was the pain in his shoulder and that he was no longer on a beach. Erik sat up slowly and looked around the room; it was his bedroom back at the mansion. Something like dread clenched his stomach when he realized that his hands had been stained with Charles’ blood the last time he was awake. Panic clawed at him (always panic, always, always with Charles) when the door opened and Raven stepped through. She was wearing her blue form and in a long skirt and a form fitting t-shirt. She stopped short when she saw him, a book in her hand, and stared.
“You’re awake,” she said flatly as if that was an important thing.
“What happened? Where is Charles?” Erik asked as he started to climb out of bed. Raven was next to him pushing him back into the bed faster than he thought possible. The entire world seemed hazy and he knew this feeling; he was on painkillers.
“Stay in bed for god’s sake. Your shoulder is a mess and you’re going to ruin all of the work we did to make it functional again.” Raven set her book on the end table and leaned over, looking at the bandages but did not say anything.
“Raven, please, tell me; where is he?” he asked again his voice softer. She did not look up from changing his bandages.
“You deflected the bullets that Moira fired at you when you decided launching dozens of rockets at military fleets of two of the biggest world powers was a good idea,” Raven said and thinking about it now it was not exactly a good way of going about that situation. “One of the bullets hit Charles in the side. It tore him up really badly but it was enough to distract you. Then Moira fired again and hit you in the shoulder. Charles managed to get you to take the helmet off and put you to sleep.”
“How is he?” Erik asked his mouth dry.
“Alive though it was a close call.” Raven finished changing the bandage and stood up straight to stare down at him. “His heart stopped on the operating table but they managed to get it started again. He’s more or less functional now and there wasn’t any permanent damage. That was three weeks ago and he thought it would be best if you slept for some reason.” There was a long pause as Erik tried to collect his thoughts, tried to come up with something to say, to find the right words to apologize, to ask to see Charles, to tell him to stay away because he could not face his best friend after he had nearly killed him. He knew why Charles had kept him asleep; the telepath had not wanted him to run while injured. Raven walked over to the suitcase with all of his things and pulled the helmet out. It was the thing that kept Charles out, it would protect him from Charles reading the mess of his thoughts right now.
“Raven, I need that,” Erik said evenly and she simply stared at him.
“He thought you would for some reason,” Raven replied but she handed him the helmet nevertheless. The moment the cold metal touched his head Erik felt much safer. He could not let Charles see how pained he was at the thought that he had nearly killed the one person he cared about in the world. “You’re both more or less useless right now so get some sleep. I can send him by later.” She paused to stare at him with that same look Charles got when he was reading someone’s mind. “But something tells me you don’t want that.” Without waiting for confirmation Raven turned and walked out of the room. Erik stared at the ceiling, almost thankful that Raven was as good at reading people as her brother was at times. The helmet was cold and uncomfortable but as long as it served its purpose, as long as it served its purpose and kept Charles out of his head, then it was worth it.
Erik closed his eyes but stayed in bed because he did not want to risk seeing Charles; he could not face the other man, not yet.
---
Erik began to suspect that he was not exactly permitted to leave the house when he noticed how reluctant they were to let him out of bed at all. In the end he did not know who gave the okay but after that it was impossible to be alone. Someone was always with him or close by. He had a feeling that if he tried to leave the mansion none of them would hesitate to use force on him. Erik could accept that, to a degree, as Raven had said he had almost attacked two world powers and something like that could not be ignored. It was why he spent the majority of his time in the bunker trying to hone his skills.
It was also easy to avoid Charles this way as well. He resented himself a little for avoiding the other man like this but he also could not stomach the idea of seeing Charles. The helmet never came off and despite how uncomfortable it was the assurance that Charles could not pick up even a stray thought was worth it. The betrayal in Charles’ eyes when he had turned the missiles on the humans, when he had been bleeding out on the beach, Erik did not want to see that again. Eventually, he figured, they would believe he was not a threat and let him leave. Shaw was dead and he was not sure where to go from there because that had been his entire life. Now he needed to find another reason for living and he had no idea what it could possibly be. Erik clenched his fist as he lifted a metal table off of the ground. The muscles in his shoulder immediately screamed at him for it and Hank winced.
"It's going to take a while before you're able to do anything with your dominant hand," he said.
"I don't like that," Erik replied
"There isn't anything you can do about it. For heavy things you need to use your body, you know that, so you're going to have to accept that you aren't going to be able to move satellite dishes anytime soon." Erik felt his entire body tense up at the thought. It had been the first time Charles had been in his head in a long time and the first time the telepath had gone looking for something. What he had brought to the surface had been a memory that made tears fall from both of their eyes. It had seemed like such a private moment And Erik was not sure he was okay with other people knowing about it. It must have shown in his eyes that he was lost in his own head because Hank put his clipboard down a little harder than necessary, drawing Erik's attention out of his own head. "I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something." Erik turned and stared at the mutant before him; it was so hard to tell now how Hank was reacting, if he was angry, and if something was going to set him off.
"What is it?" Erik asked walking over to look at some papers on the table. He instantly knew what it was and it made his stomach twist into a tight knot. "Those are the plans for Cerebro."
"Yes, they are, I took them from the CIA when we left. It seemed like a good idea at the time," Hank replied.
"It probably was." Erik did not mention the CIA much and what little information he had managed to get out of Sean was that Charles had wiped Moira’s mind once he regained consciousness. All it had taken was some convincing and she walked out the door none the wiser
"Anyway, I think we're going to need it. Charles doesn't want to leave mutants in the hands of the government and he wants to help as many as he can. We have a few pages of locations but we're going to need to look elsewhere eventually. I was wondering what you think of the changes I made." Erik creased his eyebrows and looked at the plans. Hank had carefully marked all of the metal pieces, what would be going where, and made it as simple as possible in his scribble.
"This would work but I don't like that machine," Erik said. "We don't know what it could do to him if he contacted someone he shouldn't or something like that." He did not mention the time Charles had passed out and stopped breathing. That was something that Charles needed to say and if he did not then Erik had no qualms telling Hank the dangers of this machine.
"Professor thinks it's okay and it is his head." Hank gathered the papers and put them all in a pile. "If you're willing you would be a big help." Neither of them mentioned whether or not he would still be there but Erik did not comment on the matter. He did not reply at all and Hank did not seem surprised. All of them seemed on edge, as if they wanted to tell him to go patch things up with Charles, but none of them were willing actually say it.
Erik parted with Hank and headed upstairs to gather some of his things. He had waited around long enough and he wanted to leave. If they wanted to stop him then he was more than willing to give the kids a run for their money. As he walked he passed by a cracked door and caught a glimpse of Charles. Erik froze and looked in because Charles was pulling on a button down shirt with his chest exposing the ugly wound on his side, which was bruised and bandaged still. For some reason he was transfixed by the sight and could not move. It was a minute or so before he realized that Charles was standing there watching him. Against his better judgment Erik walked into the room without bothering to knock.
"Hello, Erik, I was wondering when I would see you," Charles said. How could he possibly sound so casual with such an ugly wound on his side? The bullet was not clean, it had torn through his side, and it really was a miracle he had not bled out. With the helmet Charles could not read his mind but that did not set Erik at ease.
"I did that," was all he managed to say. Charles looked down at the wound as if he had forgotten it was there at all, as if it somehow did not matter, and finished buttoning up his shirt.
"It was an accident, Erik. I don't blame you for it," Charles replied as he pulled a sweater on as well. "You were defending yourself, I know that, and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." There was no possible way that this was not bothering him at all because the scar was terrible and Charles had been briefly dead on an operating table. Erik moved forward and got directly into Charles' space and was surprised that the telepath did not flinch or hesitate.
"I did this to you, I nearly killed you, how can you be so casual about that?" he asked bewildered.
"I trust you, Erik, I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose." Charles reached up to touch the helmet. "I wish you'd take this damnable thing off; it's very disorienting to not hear you." Erik snatched Charles' wrist before he could touch the metal of the helmet and held it there. They stood together for a moment staring at each other.
"You trust me?" Erik asked taking a step forward, forcing Charles to take a step back. "After I cut you off when I went after Shaw?"
"I had a feeling something like that would happen; you were facing the man that tortured you and killed your mother. I wasn't expecting rationality," Charles replied but Erik continued to take a step forward as Charles slowly backed up.
"Even after I tried to rally everyone into going to war with the humans?"
"You want what's best for us, all of us, I just don't agree with your methods." They were close to the wall now and Erik did not release Charles' wrist, wondering why he was trying to convince Charles not to trust him.
"Even after I turned all of those missiles on the boats? Even after I was condemning thousands of men to die?" Erik stayed in Charles' space as the telepath's back hit the wall. If Charles was afraid or nervous he was doing a very good job of not showing it. Erik took Charles' other wrist and pinned both of them to the wall, his hands up as if in a surrender. "I could kill you right now before any of the kids could get up here."
"You won't though," Charles replied with all the confidence in the world.
"How do you know that? You can't read my mind," Erik said tightening his grip.
"Because I trust you and even though I can't read your mind I'm 100% confident that you won't hurt me." The words were spoken with such conviction that it left Erik breathless. Charles was staring down a man that could kill him with his bare hands with no means of defense and he was not even nervous. He looked as certain in this as he had when he told Erik he could move the satellite dish. For what felt like a long time all Erik could do was stare at the man before him, flabbergasted and frustrated because he could not understand this level of trust and how Charles was still so naive. The moment he took off the helmet Charles could take control of him, make him forget everything, bend him to his will. Charles had confessed that he trusted in Erik and now it was his turn to trust in Charles. He needed this man more than he had ever imagined and the twisted feelings inside could not be ignored anymore.
Erik released one of Charles’ wrists, pulled the helmet off, tossed it aside, and before Charles could say anything, Erik reclaimed the wrist and pressed their lips together. If the sound of surprise Charles made was any indication, he had not been expecting this and Erik felt almost smug knowing he had caught the great Charles Xavier by surprise. For a moment Charles did not react and Erik tried to come up with some sort of explanation until Charles began to kiss him back. It was as if Charles melted into him and he opened his mouth willingly. It was the most natural kiss of Erik’s entire life; it felt right. In his head all he could think about was why it had taken them this long to get here. If Charles’ enthusiasm for the kiss was any indication this was not one sided. Erik felt Charles try to move his hands, to do something, but held them in place tightening his grip. They were an anchor, he could feel Charles’ pulse underneath his fingers, so he was 100% sure that the telepath was there. They only broke for oxygen and stared at each other.
“I was not expecting that,” Charles said his voice already breathy; it made his head spin.
“I took the great Professor Charles Xavier by surprise? I feel like this should be a great accomplishment,” Erik replied smirking.
Kiss me again, Charles’ voice in his head ordered and Erik was more than happy to comply. He locked their lips together and released Charles’ wrist to take a step back from the wall. From there it was like Charles’ hands were everywhere at once, clutching Erik’s shirt and holding on as if for dear life. Erik could only wonder if Charles was an desperate to know that he was here, he was real, as well. Yes, I do, Charles said.
I told you to stay out of my head, Erik projected back never breaking their kiss.
You’re projecting as if that was the only problem that they had. Erik dropped his hands to Charles’ waist and pulled them so they were flush against each other. For a second he thought he felt a dull prick in the back of his head but he was too distracted by Charles’ mouth. Erik managed to tear himself away from that mouth and latched onto a spot on the other man’s neck. The collar of the shirt was in the way and he wanted it off right now, he wanted all of Charles right now, and he began to walk them backwards toward the bed. It was in that moment that he felt Charles tense up for the first time.
“I’ve got you,” Erik whispered as Charles’ legs hit the back of the bed.
“Erik, I--” but Charles was cut off when Erik pushed him back on the bed. To his horror Erik watched as Charles curled up in pain, wincing to the point that there were almost tears in his eyes and he suddenly felt so stupid. He realized that Charles landed on his hurt side, the wound still new and painful.
“It’s okay, Erik,” Charles said but it sounded forced. Erik leaned over Charles carefully and started to unbutton the shirt. He could feel the telepath’s confusion and Erik smiled.
“I said I’ve got you,” he replied as he finished unbuttoning the shirt. Now he could see the real damage done to Charles’ torso. The wound was ugly and the amount of blood loss must have been must have been quite high. “How did you get to a hospital in time?”
“The teleporter, Azazel, took me without hesitation. After I was on the operating table and he got everyone off of the beach he and the other man both vanished. Angel stayed for a few days but when they found out that Sean’s arm was badly injured she left. I think she’ll be back eventually.” Charles shifted on the bed but he did not look uncomfortable. Erik leaned over him, bracing himself on his hands so as to avoid putting any weight on Charles, and looked into his eyes. He was not a romantic man and if he was completely honest with himself he really had no idea what he was doing. Sex had always been means to an end for him, something to cure an itch or get information, that was forgotten hours later. “I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Charles said and Erik leaned down so they were nose to nose.
“Are you in my head?” he asked though he knew the answer.
“Of course not; you’re projecting again,” Charles replied.
“Do you want to be?” Erik asked and Charles’ eyes went wide. “I know what I’m asking and I’m saying it’s okay.” If Charles’ fingers trembled a bit as he reached for his temple Erik chose not to comment on it. Instead he laid kisses along the telepath’s bare chest, stopping every now and then to suck a mark into his skin. Erik knew the moment Charles was in his head because it felt calm, like someone was soothing a headache, and he could feel the other man’s emotions. Erik truly understood the level of confidence and trust that Charles had in him and he did his best to project those back. He felt Charles breath hitch when his teeth found the other man’s collarbone but he was not sure if it was from physical or mental stimulation.
“Get up here,” Charles managed to say as two surprisingly strong hands grasped his shoulders and pulled Erik up so their mouths could meet again. Somehow they managed to move to the top of the bed so they could stretch out side by side together. Charles stared at the ceiling, breathing hard after they broke their kiss. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Erik was stretched out on his stomach feeling sedated despite the fact that they had not done anything outside of kissing.
“For letting me in like that. No one has ever done that before,” Charles said with a ghost of a smile on his lips. There was that same distant look in his eyes that was there that was there the four or five times he had used Cerebro. For some reason it worried Erik and he reached forward to touch Charles’ shoulder. “I can feel your worry and I’m sorry. I just haven’t dived in like that before and it’s overwhelming. I get hit with everything; not just memories but emotions, dreams, wishes, anything that you can think might be in your head at any given time. That coupled with us--” Charles actually blushed a little “--what we were doing at the time really hit me hard. I’m okay though just a little overly sensitive I suppose.” Erik had no words to offer a telepath on what kind of things they must go through on a regular basis so he tried to keep his thoughts quiet. They lay in silence until Charles fell asleep and Erik watched him carefully wondering if this burning need to shield Charles from the world would ever go away.
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