(no subject)
i am so freaking confused with my life right now. and i want to use this as an outlet. one minute im happy the next i find the need to flip out on my family just for utter painful amusment. i want to go back to school so badly and work my ass off just because here i feel like im worthless. yes, that includes preseason...the sound of it should make me cring but no i want to feel pain.
i dont know where i belong and evenmore so when im at school. i have so many friends but what does it matter if im in outterspace? i feel like everything is happening so quickly and im missing out on the fun. too anxious way ahead of the normal expectations.
i started to read this book my sister had from her women's studies class: Nympho mania. I like it a lot. It talks about women and their role in society from many perspectives or centuries rather. words like this are tossed around so freely today its insulting. it is ridiculous.
when im watching a movie its the only time i feel like im in the "right place". i guess i soak up the characters when they cry i cry its soapie. unexplainable but i just get into the film like its really happening. i wish i could be in movies forever. especially the tradgic ones becuase they make the life around me seem more beautiful and worth living.
i realized today that there was only one person on the face of this earth that i really can relate to. and we no longer really keep in touch but i always think about her and hope she is doing well.
i have longed for someone like her after our seperation and yet i didnt find that friend, because she is simply unique and wonderful. i miss her so much but sometimes i think that the past can and will never be in the future althought i "pray" that one day we will return to being two peas in a pod. but what am i saying that was in 8th grade and im going into 11th. old. i wish i could have those days back, they were so fun +
am i really falling into the downward spiral of my own demise??????????????? -
i dont know where i belong and evenmore so when im at school. i have so many friends but what does it matter if im in outterspace? i feel like everything is happening so quickly and im missing out on the fun. too anxious way ahead of the normal expectations.
i started to read this book my sister had from her women's studies class: Nympho mania. I like it a lot. It talks about women and their role in society from many perspectives or centuries rather. words like this are tossed around so freely today its insulting. it is ridiculous.
when im watching a movie its the only time i feel like im in the "right place". i guess i soak up the characters when they cry i cry its soapie. unexplainable but i just get into the film like its really happening. i wish i could be in movies forever. especially the tradgic ones becuase they make the life around me seem more beautiful and worth living.
i realized today that there was only one person on the face of this earth that i really can relate to. and we no longer really keep in touch but i always think about her and hope she is doing well.
i have longed for someone like her after our seperation and yet i didnt find that friend, because she is simply unique and wonderful. i miss her so much but sometimes i think that the past can and will never be in the future althought i "pray" that one day we will return to being two peas in a pod. but what am i saying that was in 8th grade and im going into 11th. old. i wish i could have those days back, they were so fun +
am i really falling into the downward spiral of my own demise??????????????? -