head...hurts...please...I need....aspirin!!!
Damn...i've got so much crap in my system right now. I think I'll cry **crying**...
I'm pretty sure my best friend hates me with all of the passion in his entire body. For those of you that don't know him, that's a lot of hate. I broke up with Phil because, for a year and a half, I was so depressed that I would come to school near tears every day. I was cutting myself and taking sleeping pills to sleep. Now, he's gone. The depression should be over, right? No...it's not becasue I just ruined the one and only wonderful thing I had. Why, you might ask? Cuz Kayz is the stupidest, most cold-hearted bitch on the planet...and for some odd reason she's referring to herself in the third person...
I hate myself sometimes. I can't even say sometimes...it happens so much that it's nearly all of the time. I wish I knew how to get my emotions out without wanting to hurt someone else's feelings or without being utterly ambiguous.
My main problem with the whole **relationship** issue (this hit me like a shit load of brix just now) is that I'm so afraid that I could hurt someone else, that I pushed him away. Why should I be? First of all, I should be thinking about myself....kinda...not to sound conceded... it's just that I had my heart stepped on for a fucken year and a half...shouldn't I be allowed to enjoy SOMETHING about being a teenager? Then, second, I shouldn't have cared about anyone else's opinion's but his...I'm such a bad friend...Next to Taylor and my brother, he's the only real person that I truely care about. What was I thinking? ...'No, I don't want to hurt any of the friendships I've got...'
**more crying** If someone is a real friend, they'd want you to be happy, right? So, why should I have worried about ruining another friendship...the only one I ruined was the great one I have with him...I'll blame God, he's a good for nothing, right? ((sorry to any one I've just offended, but this is my journal AND I'M VENTING, DAMMIT!!!))
Not to mention, I've started up bad habits again. I all ready told Taylor, and she's upset with me now...only because she cares for me though. Besides, she's the main person I worry about. She's the only one that cares about me, sometimes...
I just can't handle all of the pressure this year dished out. Thank goodness it's almost over. I just want to be left alone...I'll start a new life on the East Coast and be happy...sorta
I'm pretty sure my best friend hates me with all of the passion in his entire body. For those of you that don't know him, that's a lot of hate. I broke up with Phil because, for a year and a half, I was so depressed that I would come to school near tears every day. I was cutting myself and taking sleeping pills to sleep. Now, he's gone. The depression should be over, right? No...it's not becasue I just ruined the one and only wonderful thing I had. Why, you might ask? Cuz Kayz is the stupidest, most cold-hearted bitch on the planet...and for some odd reason she's referring to herself in the third person...
I hate myself sometimes. I can't even say sometimes...it happens so much that it's nearly all of the time. I wish I knew how to get my emotions out without wanting to hurt someone else's feelings or without being utterly ambiguous.
My main problem with the whole **relationship** issue (this hit me like a shit load of brix just now) is that I'm so afraid that I could hurt someone else, that I pushed him away. Why should I be? First of all, I should be thinking about myself....kinda...not to sound conceded... it's just that I had my heart stepped on for a fucken year and a half...shouldn't I be allowed to enjoy SOMETHING about being a teenager? Then, second, I shouldn't have cared about anyone else's opinion's but his...I'm such a bad friend...Next to Taylor and my brother, he's the only real person that I truely care about. What was I thinking? ...'No, I don't want to hurt any of the friendships I've got...'
**more crying** If someone is a real friend, they'd want you to be happy, right? So, why should I have worried about ruining another friendship...the only one I ruined was the great one I have with him...I'll blame God, he's a good for nothing, right? ((sorry to any one I've just offended, but this is my journal AND I'M VENTING, DAMMIT!!!))
Not to mention, I've started up bad habits again. I all ready told Taylor, and she's upset with me now...only because she cares for me though. Besides, she's the main person I worry about. She's the only one that cares about me, sometimes...
I just can't handle all of the pressure this year dished out. Thank goodness it's almost over. I just want to be left alone...I'll start a new life on the East Coast and be happy...sorta