(no subject)
an actual entry, because i'm in that kind of mood.
if i tell you i have a headache, it's likely i've brought it on myself by not taking my meds.
i get insanely sick if i miss a single dose, and thats bad. but when i do take them, these ones, the cipramil and talam, they actually work, unlike the zoloft or effexor or any of the others did.
when i read jephs newspost on QC the other day, it made me happy. sure its a very personal issue to bring up but just think how many people have anxiety disorders and struggle with this kind of thing every day of their lives. and that made me think maybe i should address it more. and then i was reading the QC_comic lj community and someone said this:
"It's a bit personal, but worth talking about. I personally love Jeph so much right now because I've had it up to fucking here with people telling me that prozac is bad and shit like that. It may well be overprescribed, but some of us happen to need it. When I take it regularly I'm a functional member of society, a nice person even. When I don't I normally end up crying for no reason and spending an awful lot of time in bed and eating, or bitching out people who've done nothing wrong. I'd rather be functional. I think the people around me would rather I be functional, too.
*cough* Sorry, my opinion on that matter is rather strong. I've just had so many people give me shit about being on drugs that to hear someone say it's alright to take them if you need them makes me uber-happy."
and i just felt how much i related to it. it was me. and i just want people to know that when i'm a complete and utter bitch or i get overly depressed about nothing, i'm really sorry but its not just me having an attitude problem or being an angsty teen, its a medical condition and i can't help it. i'm sick of people looking at me with a mix of disapproval confusion and pity when i say i'm going to the counsellor or the psychologist, or when i mention that i need to take my meds. they say i shouldn't rely on that shit, that i shouldn't need it to be happy, but the fact is, i do need it, damn right i shouldn't, but i fucking do, and i'd much prefer be taking it and being reasonably sane and functional then a complete wreck that can't even leave the house let alone socialise and function like a normal human being.
i've been struggling with these problems for as long as i can remember and i'm sick to death of it. i've had some very extreme episodes of anxiety. i've found myself too scared, worried, nervous, anxious, to leave my bed for an entire weekend. i've become so freaked out i've been trapped inside my house by the fear of the unknown that is beyond. i've frozen up in public and been unable to move. i shake, i cry, i scream, i break down entirely.
i just want to be open and honest about this from now on. i'm sick of saying "its complicated" or "don't worry" when i'm asked to explain why i can't go somewhere or do something or other. i can't do it anymore. this is the reason i'm doing distance ed next year. this is the reason i couldn't go in the drama competition. this is the reason i am away from school so often. this is the reason i get so freaked out about doing speeches and things. this is the reason i hardly ever go out. and honestly, this is the reason i never drink anymore, because my anti-depressants don't mix well with alcohol, and that could have really bad results.
in other news
my uncle had a heart attack a few days ago. i'm worried, but they say he'll be alright. i think i'm more worried about dad.
if i tell you i have a headache, it's likely i've brought it on myself by not taking my meds.
i get insanely sick if i miss a single dose, and thats bad. but when i do take them, these ones, the cipramil and talam, they actually work, unlike the zoloft or effexor or any of the others did.
when i read jephs newspost on QC the other day, it made me happy. sure its a very personal issue to bring up but just think how many people have anxiety disorders and struggle with this kind of thing every day of their lives. and that made me think maybe i should address it more. and then i was reading the QC_comic lj community and someone said this:
"It's a bit personal, but worth talking about. I personally love Jeph so much right now because I've had it up to fucking here with people telling me that prozac is bad and shit like that. It may well be overprescribed, but some of us happen to need it. When I take it regularly I'm a functional member of society, a nice person even. When I don't I normally end up crying for no reason and spending an awful lot of time in bed and eating, or bitching out people who've done nothing wrong. I'd rather be functional. I think the people around me would rather I be functional, too.
*cough* Sorry, my opinion on that matter is rather strong. I've just had so many people give me shit about being on drugs that to hear someone say it's alright to take them if you need them makes me uber-happy."
and i just felt how much i related to it. it was me. and i just want people to know that when i'm a complete and utter bitch or i get overly depressed about nothing, i'm really sorry but its not just me having an attitude problem or being an angsty teen, its a medical condition and i can't help it. i'm sick of people looking at me with a mix of disapproval confusion and pity when i say i'm going to the counsellor or the psychologist, or when i mention that i need to take my meds. they say i shouldn't rely on that shit, that i shouldn't need it to be happy, but the fact is, i do need it, damn right i shouldn't, but i fucking do, and i'd much prefer be taking it and being reasonably sane and functional then a complete wreck that can't even leave the house let alone socialise and function like a normal human being.
i've been struggling with these problems for as long as i can remember and i'm sick to death of it. i've had some very extreme episodes of anxiety. i've found myself too scared, worried, nervous, anxious, to leave my bed for an entire weekend. i've become so freaked out i've been trapped inside my house by the fear of the unknown that is beyond. i've frozen up in public and been unable to move. i shake, i cry, i scream, i break down entirely.
i just want to be open and honest about this from now on. i'm sick of saying "its complicated" or "don't worry" when i'm asked to explain why i can't go somewhere or do something or other. i can't do it anymore. this is the reason i'm doing distance ed next year. this is the reason i couldn't go in the drama competition. this is the reason i am away from school so often. this is the reason i get so freaked out about doing speeches and things. this is the reason i hardly ever go out. and honestly, this is the reason i never drink anymore, because my anti-depressants don't mix well with alcohol, and that could have really bad results.
in other news
my uncle had a heart attack a few days ago. i'm worried, but they say he'll be alright. i think i'm more worried about dad.