R.I.P Chris June 19, 1994 - February 26 2010
I know I should have had this up a week ago, but I have been so busy, so I am going to do it now. I know I have been posting nothing but sad things, but I need to do this, for myself.
Here's a video of us, i have the red in my hair [it was so short back then!], Chris is the first person shown in the red shirt. The blonde at the end making the crazy face is my friend Miranda <3
Some how I feel so nostalgic when I watch this, because it was so simple. Then suddenly I am informed at 9:36PM about a group in remembrance for Chris Jacobs, my first thought was 'that's not the Chris I know, right?' and I was quick to grabbed the drawing he did of this dragon looking at the name, I didn't want to believe. I was in shock, I convinced myself that it was some other Chris Jacobs, not my friend. No, not mine. The next day at my old job, one of the cats had had kittens and one was dead and I was bawling because I didn't want to believe he was dead. When I got home I got a text, it was forward for him and I texted my friend [who made the video above] asking if it was true and she confirmed it. Then on Sunday my fears were once again confirmed when my old boss asked me about him saying she saw it on the news. I ended up crying in the shower when i got and all day for the rest of the day. That night, I was outside in 20 degree weather [Fahrenheit] in shorts, a coat and sneakers at the park crying on the swing set, I texted my friend but she pretty much blew me off for her fucking boyfriend at the time. Our friendship since then has pretty much gone down the drain. She wasn't there for me when I needed her most, but every time that boyfriend broke her heart, I was there and she couldn't even do that for me and be there for me when I needed someone most. She didn't even attend his funeral, because this one girl couldn't go who she was going to go with, she didn't bother asking me either.
School the next day was terrible, I felt like someone ripped my heart out and smashed it with a meat tenderizer. My friend and I, who I had texted Saturday were hugging and crying. we couldn't believe it, someone who we spent a whole first semester with, someone we saw almost everyday was suddenly gone. I was so pissed all day, like I was snapping at everyone, even people who were trying to be nice. It was such a horrible feeling. Then someone called him a dumbass and I went off, in fit of rage and sadness, I was screaming obscenities and my friends were holding me back and hugging me as I was trying so hard to get free and kick those people's asses. I was so pissed at the world. At his visitation I was so scared to see him, I didn't want to remember him as lifeless. I finally went up there, returning the dragon drawing to his mom, she asked me if I wanted to keep it, but I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to, I have a copy of it anyways on my dA. But seeing him, I bawled, there he was, his normally messy hair all neat, face covered in so much foundation to hide the pale grey he had most likely become over the past three days. My friends and I sobbed together, I had finally told him goodbye and my friend, he told me words I won't ever forget 'Don't think of it as goodbye, but just a long see you later' and I cried again, he was hugging me, the sweetest that friend had ever been.
At his funeral, before I arrived, I heard his youngest sister, who was four at the time, was trying to wake him, shaking his casket, screaming "I want to hug him! Why can't I hug him!?" she had to be taken out for awhile. I also am proud of his girlfriend of three years, she was so strong I have no idea how she did it. I would have died. They were the epitome of real love. The songs they played 'If I Close My Eyes Forever" by Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford, "Time Of Dying" by Three Days Grace and lastly "Life is Beautiful" By SIXX:AM, that one had me bawling, because the lyrics "Will You Swear On Your Life, That No One Will Cry At My Funeral" because I know that's something he would say, he wouldn't want people crying for him. At the end everyone of his friends went tot he casket, but I couldn't I felt frozen i was scared. I regret not going up there with everyone else. I left right early with my cousin, I couldn't be there when they removed the casket from the Funeral Home to the hearse. So, she and I went to the skate park, he loved the skate park, skating was his life. Just as much as tacos were, haha.
The one song they played during his slide show was 'What If You' by Joshua Radin, that song is so beautiful, the lyrics "But when the sun, hits your eyes through your window, there'll be nothing you can do" are so moving. I never believed my first funeral would be for a friend.. Not once.
I find myself on the verge of tears writing this, but I needed to get this off my chest. I feel as if I don't I will forget him and I don't want to forget him.
Links to other things:
Poem: bloodwolfgirl.deviantart.com/art/Never-Disappear-R-I-P-Chris-156032682
Picture: bloodwolfgirl.deviantart.com/art/Dragon-by-Chris-Jacobs-160155869
Here's a video of us, i have the red in my hair [it was so short back then!], Chris is the first person shown in the red shirt. The blonde at the end making the crazy face is my friend Miranda <3
Click to viewSome how I feel so nostalgic when I watch this, because it was so simple. Then suddenly I am informed at 9:36PM about a group in remembrance for Chris Jacobs, my first thought was 'that's not the Chris I know, right?' and I was quick to grabbed the drawing he did of this dragon looking at the name, I didn't want to believe. I was in shock, I convinced myself that it was some other Chris Jacobs, not my friend. No, not mine. The next day at my old job, one of the cats had had kittens and one was dead and I was bawling because I didn't want to believe he was dead. When I got home I got a text, it was forward for him and I texted my friend [who made the video above] asking if it was true and she confirmed it. Then on Sunday my fears were once again confirmed when my old boss asked me about him saying she saw it on the news. I ended up crying in the shower when i got and all day for the rest of the day. That night, I was outside in 20 degree weather [Fahrenheit] in shorts, a coat and sneakers at the park crying on the swing set, I texted my friend but she pretty much blew me off for her fucking boyfriend at the time. Our friendship since then has pretty much gone down the drain. She wasn't there for me when I needed her most, but every time that boyfriend broke her heart, I was there and she couldn't even do that for me and be there for me when I needed someone most. She didn't even attend his funeral, because this one girl couldn't go who she was going to go with, she didn't bother asking me either.
School the next day was terrible, I felt like someone ripped my heart out and smashed it with a meat tenderizer. My friend and I, who I had texted Saturday were hugging and crying. we couldn't believe it, someone who we spent a whole first semester with, someone we saw almost everyday was suddenly gone. I was so pissed all day, like I was snapping at everyone, even people who were trying to be nice. It was such a horrible feeling. Then someone called him a dumbass and I went off, in fit of rage and sadness, I was screaming obscenities and my friends were holding me back and hugging me as I was trying so hard to get free and kick those people's asses. I was so pissed at the world. At his visitation I was so scared to see him, I didn't want to remember him as lifeless. I finally went up there, returning the dragon drawing to his mom, she asked me if I wanted to keep it, but I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to, I have a copy of it anyways on my dA. But seeing him, I bawled, there he was, his normally messy hair all neat, face covered in so much foundation to hide the pale grey he had most likely become over the past three days. My friends and I sobbed together, I had finally told him goodbye and my friend, he told me words I won't ever forget 'Don't think of it as goodbye, but just a long see you later' and I cried again, he was hugging me, the sweetest that friend had ever been.
At his funeral, before I arrived, I heard his youngest sister, who was four at the time, was trying to wake him, shaking his casket, screaming "I want to hug him! Why can't I hug him!?" she had to be taken out for awhile. I also am proud of his girlfriend of three years, she was so strong I have no idea how she did it. I would have died. They were the epitome of real love. The songs they played 'If I Close My Eyes Forever" by Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford, "Time Of Dying" by Three Days Grace and lastly "Life is Beautiful" By SIXX:AM, that one had me bawling, because the lyrics "Will You Swear On Your Life, That No One Will Cry At My Funeral" because I know that's something he would say, he wouldn't want people crying for him. At the end everyone of his friends went tot he casket, but I couldn't I felt frozen i was scared. I regret not going up there with everyone else. I left right early with my cousin, I couldn't be there when they removed the casket from the Funeral Home to the hearse. So, she and I went to the skate park, he loved the skate park, skating was his life. Just as much as tacos were, haha.
The one song they played during his slide show was 'What If You' by Joshua Radin, that song is so beautiful, the lyrics "But when the sun, hits your eyes through your window, there'll be nothing you can do" are so moving. I never believed my first funeral would be for a friend.. Not once.
I find myself on the verge of tears writing this, but I needed to get this off my chest. I feel as if I don't I will forget him and I don't want to forget him.
Links to other things:
Poem: bloodwolfgirl.deviantart.com/art/Never-Disappear-R-I-P-Chris-156032682
Picture: bloodwolfgirl.deviantart.com/art/Dragon-by-Chris-Jacobs-160155869