(no subject)
why do i fall into these traps. these guys just tell me what i want to hear, then a couple days later, its like nothing ever happened to them, whatever im sick of it. actually FEELING sick. just because i cant bring myself to think that people actually WANT to treat you like that, what do they get off on it? fuck it, fuck the relationship thing, i cant trust anyone anymore, and thats my problem, i thought he was a good kid, everything about him was to good to be true, i should have known, but i was blinded by his kindness, his beautiful words. Mike was right, when i meet a man, i should think that he is total bullshit even before i try and trust him and all that. DAMNIT why do i let myself do this, get into this hole that i cant get my mind out of. my mind is just racing and racing. what is he thinking, what am i suppose to think. Actually im sick of blaming it on myself too, like what did i do, it wasnt even me, why did i think that, guys are just psycho, oh wait. EVERYONE is psycho.
Close the fucking door liz. i need to, i need to get away.
my dad came today, telling me all this bullshit, why is it that every man i know is full of bullshit. Telling me that 'oh yea we can move somewhere with you mom, just have her buy a two family house'. NO DAD, its not going to work, because i know you wont pay for it, who the fuck is going to pay for it. just makes me want to leave, take nicks offer up, but the thing is i have to finish school, i graduate in may, then i have to go to school for makeup, Blaine probably, but then..i will all for fucking leaving this shitty town, this obsolete fucking state.
Jess is in florida with josh, having a grand old time without liz of course, pft. well im glad shes happy tho for real, she called me yesterday and she was in south carolina, hahah, but now shes finally in florida looking at the beautiful water..beach..palm trees. im fucking jelous, but hey! i was invited, its just im a loser and have no job..so that equals no money, so i couldnt go.
My mom is telling me i need to get a job to help pay the bills, which i dont care about but still, she told me i dont have to worry about that shit, and now shes telling me i have too. which is understandable because my checks stop coming in about a month when i turn 18.
I need to get trashed. end of story..but how you say? i have no fucking clue either. someone help me..im lost in my own thoughts.