Feeling down
I have to re orient because I suck so much at my job. I've never even heard of re orientation I mean, you usually get fired when you suck. I suppose it is my communication abilities, I should have figured out how to do everything correctly. I don't know why it is so difficult for me, I mean you only need a high school degree it isn't like this should be beyond my mental capability. Why do I mess up.
And it is little things, it is how I hold myself my professionalism, everything about me it seems. I am also resistant to changing myself but something about me or maybe just me, is causing problems in the adult world. I was kind of an outcast in the teen kid world, just different but whatever it is that turns people off me is really affecting me. I have trouble fitting in, and doing what everyone else is doing. You'd think if everyone else was doing it you could too. Sociable maybe? I haven't made any friends in college either. Although the shallow-ness of relationships is kind of already self proclaimed, all those phrases about having one good friend in life means you are lucky. Everyone trying to find the ONE for them, why because by probability only one person will deal with you? :-p So it is not just a me thing, everyone has problems fitting in except some special people that are very personable or like able.. How do they do it. How do I walk the walk and talk the talk when I'm so.. me.
I haven't been feeling very good lately, I've been feeling.. lost. Detached. As if I wake up and wonder where I am and how I got here. As if it is a surprise every mourning to wake up and be alive. I don't want to stress out but I do, whatever bothers me in day haunts me at night. Somethings are just.. pointless.. these hauntings do not make me a better person or happy. Maybe I just need to spend more time with myself. It is amazing how fast a day goes by... I just don't know I feel like I'm rotting or something.. not growing, stagnate. Confused. Maybe people just get over the teen angst. Or commit suicide. Or take prozac. I felt that people in my life would enrich it but sometimes I feel more alone then ever. As if I am just not comfortable in my own skin. I'm not a child anymore, but I still feel.. strange about the world around me and growing up myself. According to Erikson 18-24 is young adult and the search for autonomy. Typical, normal. The next few years are romantic partner and mate selection. so yea.. I got an A in psychology. So what?
And it is little things, it is how I hold myself my professionalism, everything about me it seems. I am also resistant to changing myself but something about me or maybe just me, is causing problems in the adult world. I was kind of an outcast in the teen kid world, just different but whatever it is that turns people off me is really affecting me. I have trouble fitting in, and doing what everyone else is doing. You'd think if everyone else was doing it you could too. Sociable maybe? I haven't made any friends in college either. Although the shallow-ness of relationships is kind of already self proclaimed, all those phrases about having one good friend in life means you are lucky. Everyone trying to find the ONE for them, why because by probability only one person will deal with you? :-p So it is not just a me thing, everyone has problems fitting in except some special people that are very personable or like able.. How do they do it. How do I walk the walk and talk the talk when I'm so.. me.
I haven't been feeling very good lately, I've been feeling.. lost. Detached. As if I wake up and wonder where I am and how I got here. As if it is a surprise every mourning to wake up and be alive. I don't want to stress out but I do, whatever bothers me in day haunts me at night. Somethings are just.. pointless.. these hauntings do not make me a better person or happy. Maybe I just need to spend more time with myself. It is amazing how fast a day goes by... I just don't know I feel like I'm rotting or something.. not growing, stagnate. Confused. Maybe people just get over the teen angst. Or commit suicide. Or take prozac. I felt that people in my life would enrich it but sometimes I feel more alone then ever. As if I am just not comfortable in my own skin. I'm not a child anymore, but I still feel.. strange about the world around me and growing up myself. According to Erikson 18-24 is young adult and the search for autonomy. Typical, normal. The next few years are romantic partner and mate selection. so yea.. I got an A in psychology. So what?