Who am I
Who am I? Am I no body who are you, are you no body too? I wonder who am I. What I have done. What I have shown I am.. what I have found out about who I am. I learned that there are some people who genuinely like me, but most people seem distant. I feel distant though so, maybe I am just.. perceiving it that way. Not feeling alone when you're with the one you love, but I feel detached from my own self. Who am I.. more importantly who do I want to be. I feel like I have lost the feelings that made me grounded and me. The feeling of security and love. I am chaotic now, in a mad rush to survive.. but what am I saving? Who is this that is living? I try to stay alive by keeping up this pace but, when I stop I look at myself and what I am and I don't recognize me. that person that was ever me that does these things, that does these things that will only bring regret and pain. This person is not wise. This person is unstable in a bad way. This person has come undone and needs to be put back together. This person needs to get it together.
I remember feeling love, feeling content. I remember feeling grounded and connected to my world. I lost that feeling, and started to feel undone, as if my connection to the world was severed. In some ways that connection was not real. That the love that was there might not have been so, deep. People are relatively shallow. People that you can rely on, that you can trust. I never used to have problems trusting people. Now I don't even trust myself. I don't have faith in my own abilities to do things, to see if other people are deceiving me. Who and what i believe has been.. under question. Who I want to be.. who I choose to be around. I do not want to be around negativity. I do not want to be too judgmental, I do not want to have anger and hate and arrogance, but i find that anger helps me do things.. move.. depression holds me still, anger makes me charge forth. Love.. made me vulnerable.. maybe I should have just been more careful.. or distant, just a bit more of distance. No.. that doesn't work when you love someone.. when you love them you take them all into you. You embrace them. You take chances..
A year ago I was hurt this time too. I was getting better, then I was hurt really bad.. now.. I'm hurt again.. but i have more of myself this time. This is just another new thing I don't know how to deal with that I will. I found love to be the most.. relieving. Love for myself, for other people, the connection to everything around me. My connection still feels very damaged. Obviously so is my concentration.. i should be in class now.. yesterday was a long day.. all my days are long and exhausting though they go by fast. Time is precious and slipping away.. no time for regrets. Only time for important things. People are stupid. people make mistakes. But someone that makes you happy.. is most appreciated.. where is my person. Its not even my someone.. it is me.. then my someone.. it is always something isnt it..
I remember feeling love, feeling content. I remember feeling grounded and connected to my world. I lost that feeling, and started to feel undone, as if my connection to the world was severed. In some ways that connection was not real. That the love that was there might not have been so, deep. People are relatively shallow. People that you can rely on, that you can trust. I never used to have problems trusting people. Now I don't even trust myself. I don't have faith in my own abilities to do things, to see if other people are deceiving me. Who and what i believe has been.. under question. Who I want to be.. who I choose to be around. I do not want to be around negativity. I do not want to be too judgmental, I do not want to have anger and hate and arrogance, but i find that anger helps me do things.. move.. depression holds me still, anger makes me charge forth. Love.. made me vulnerable.. maybe I should have just been more careful.. or distant, just a bit more of distance. No.. that doesn't work when you love someone.. when you love them you take them all into you. You embrace them. You take chances..
A year ago I was hurt this time too. I was getting better, then I was hurt really bad.. now.. I'm hurt again.. but i have more of myself this time. This is just another new thing I don't know how to deal with that I will. I found love to be the most.. relieving. Love for myself, for other people, the connection to everything around me. My connection still feels very damaged. Obviously so is my concentration.. i should be in class now.. yesterday was a long day.. all my days are long and exhausting though they go by fast. Time is precious and slipping away.. no time for regrets. Only time for important things. People are stupid. people make mistakes. But someone that makes you happy.. is most appreciated.. where is my person. Its not even my someone.. it is me.. then my someone.. it is always something isnt it..