day by day
Well I'm worried about my grades as usual. I have a test in examination with bohannon on friday.. which i can only look forward to with the greatest of joy. I have bio mechanics to study for as well.. I feel stupid, like I just can't get anything more into my head. Though the examination stuff seemed to peculate in I have trouble with re call. I suppose I also have trouble with application, so being smart :-p I have trouble being smart! Awesome.. other then that life is awesome, trying to figure out how to get a damned turtle moved out coordinating multiple people and not having much luck or foresight. Why can't my brain work better?
meanwhile on planet whatever I have tried to be single and stop my melodramatic bullshit. The grand majority advice break down 1) It's your decision 2) Be single to figure out shit
ook... well that just makes everyone happy! Its like maximum misery, but pain is like what good for you? I'm pretty damned numb and fucked up so it's not like I can even feel suffering anymore it seems. I'm sure I'll fluctuate again. That is the only thing that seems to remain constant. I did like what Michael said about relationships being only between the two people involved, which is the take that Ryan took. Unfortunately I got into a situation where the relationships were not just between two people. I wonder if i can even figure this one out. It is nice to not have the stress but in a way it can be perceived as running away from a decision. What do I want. What do I want long term. Key things i'm supposed to figure out. I was thinking in class the other day that I should learn independence, at the same time I don't know about asking for and receiving help. And support. How do you support someone? Physically, emotionally and financially I guess are the normal relams. I want a relationship to work, to work out long term. At the same time with grad school I seem to be having to choose because when Im with someone, I want to be with them all the time. With kids I'd have to compete for attention and have responsibilities. I always kind of thought that one should establish a relationship with a partner before kids but doesnt work if they have their own obviously. I never really thought about kids, I suppose there are many things that I didnt and don't consider. I always thought about love, about my feelings for them, if they were a good person, treated other people well. I also wanted to click with them, have a feeling of them being my closest most intimate friend and companion. Supportive and loving, lavishing attention on me, respecting me. But these can be too general and continuum like. I know that most people could satisfy such criteria to a degree. Maybe I should think more, about who can fulfill them.
Can it all be so analytic? Often people say that they want someone who is funny, kind.. makes them laugh and what likes puppies? I have always looked at this and talked about it so much, but like everyone else I don't seem to know much about relationships.. hopefully I can figure out what I want soon.. as unclouded as possible. I feel less pressure and less clouded but the two might be just mimicking one. I feel better, I'm not sure what I can do for long term happiness. It seems I choose between grad school and love.
meanwhile on planet whatever I have tried to be single and stop my melodramatic bullshit. The grand majority advice break down 1) It's your decision 2) Be single to figure out shit
ook... well that just makes everyone happy! Its like maximum misery, but pain is like what good for you? I'm pretty damned numb and fucked up so it's not like I can even feel suffering anymore it seems. I'm sure I'll fluctuate again. That is the only thing that seems to remain constant. I did like what Michael said about relationships being only between the two people involved, which is the take that Ryan took. Unfortunately I got into a situation where the relationships were not just between two people. I wonder if i can even figure this one out. It is nice to not have the stress but in a way it can be perceived as running away from a decision. What do I want. What do I want long term. Key things i'm supposed to figure out. I was thinking in class the other day that I should learn independence, at the same time I don't know about asking for and receiving help. And support. How do you support someone? Physically, emotionally and financially I guess are the normal relams. I want a relationship to work, to work out long term. At the same time with grad school I seem to be having to choose because when Im with someone, I want to be with them all the time. With kids I'd have to compete for attention and have responsibilities. I always kind of thought that one should establish a relationship with a partner before kids but doesnt work if they have their own obviously. I never really thought about kids, I suppose there are many things that I didnt and don't consider. I always thought about love, about my feelings for them, if they were a good person, treated other people well. I also wanted to click with them, have a feeling of them being my closest most intimate friend and companion. Supportive and loving, lavishing attention on me, respecting me. But these can be too general and continuum like. I know that most people could satisfy such criteria to a degree. Maybe I should think more, about who can fulfill them.
Can it all be so analytic? Often people say that they want someone who is funny, kind.. makes them laugh and what likes puppies? I have always looked at this and talked about it so much, but like everyone else I don't seem to know much about relationships.. hopefully I can figure out what I want soon.. as unclouded as possible. I feel less pressure and less clouded but the two might be just mimicking one. I feel better, I'm not sure what I can do for long term happiness. It seems I choose between grad school and love.