Adrienne Rich - For The Dead + Meme: Five People I Haven't Quite Forgotten (About)

[bloodrebel333]

For The Dead

Adrienne Rich

I dreamed I called you on the telephone
to say: Be kinder to yourself
but you were sick and would not answer

The waste of my love goes on this way
trying to save you from yourself

I have always wondered about the left-over
energy, the way water goes rushing down a hill
long after the rains have stopped

or the fire you want to go

Comments

[lavinialavender]

I dreamed you called me just to get ahold of Chris. I dreamed you were in my house and not looking at me. (Your dream does not seem outlandish. The last time you saw me I was crying.)

WHY did you stop talking to me? I emailed and IMed you and you didn't respond and then you wrote an entry sort of responding but it was so cold and it hurt and not understanding and your just not caring enough to tell me hurts worse of all. I'm tired of being hurt by you, I'm tired of you just stopping talking to me and I have no idea why and you won't tell me so I can avoid it. I don't want to make up just so I can keep wondering, keep having brilliant conversations and then nothing. Don't you understand what that feels like. So once again, if you don't want to talk to me then I won't beg, nothing will make me beg because we might make up and then the same thing will happen again.

Instead I lay awake at night and realized I would literally write a letter in my blood to you - not just to make you talk to me again, but to make you stop doing that. I did write a letter to you, not in blood, which I didn’t send. There's also something for you which I tried back in August to send but it wouldn't send so it'll get to you in a package sometime.

I wanted to prove I can live without you. Of course I can. But I would rather have you in my life. But only if you stop fucking with me, because I won't let myself be pulled around.

And no matter what, you owe me those pages from my notebook. Send them.