i can scream LOUDER than your last one
Tomorrow is my birthday.
I'll put on the first VHS/DVD at fourteen oh hundred sharp (14:00) and everyone's invited.
I don't want to get older, but I am, and I'm okay now about it.
En ik dacht dat ik wist wie ik was. Dat verklaart niet waarom ik vandaag eerst een half uur aan het ratelen was over hoe boos ik was op alles en iedereen, en toen verwoed mijn tranen inhield terwijl WP dingen zei die me nooit eerder verteld waren. Het voelt aan als mijn schuld, zei ik, en misschien is het dat ook, iedereen zegt me dat altijd, misschien hebben ze allemaal gelijk.
Ik ga morgen mensen in mijn kamer binnenlaten terwijl ik het liefst alleen wil zijn en ik ga niemand uit het raam gooien en ik ga me niet in een coma drinken en ik ga verdomme lachen lachen lachen en iedereen zal verdomme plezier hebben.
Catching up from Sam's journal from skip100 because I had no idea why he was moving out of R's place. Thinking of my own Lowlands-Sam, needing to open up a Hyves page to keep in touch with him and his friends and the whole dance club, only I have no idea how Hyves works. I miss his smiles and his hands and the way I had to tip my hat to the side to kiss him and the way he grinned at me as the little group of us started a Lowlands riot that after half an hour consisted of about six hundred people, and we took down a wall. Dozens of people took photographs of us. All night long, wherever we went we formed a huge group that caught everyone's attention. Oh, Hyves. You sound and feel like an std. I haven't felt this hopeless on the internet in years. I think I told Chris pretty clearly that I didn't want to talk about the subject he had in mind, as if we never talked about anything else, what bullshit, we used to talk every night about everything but that. How I told him months ago that this wasn't healthy, didn't he see, and now he acts like he'd understood it all along but he still doesn't. Now we're talking about normal things, thank God. Marcus accusing me of megalomania again. Photoshoot today, unexpectedly, also some with Wieteke. I'm starting to set dates and figure out details for UP. Roel already confirmed, Roel is still in trouble and I still haven't edited Roel's work, I still need to do that. Tomorrow meeting Diederik and visiting Pink Lemon. I am surrounded by people and I do not want to think about next week. I want a new job. I want to set things on fire and I want to lock myself up somewhere, where's the door and where's the key, I've got some haunting to do.