and boy could he play guitar
A big envelope from UT on the couch next to me. I’m thinking of directions, cities, student permits, flight costs and perhaps I should look through their websites, see what info the fair country of N-Z can mail me. Mother wants me to stay nearby, says I’ll have all the time in the world to travel once I’m through and through thoroughly finished with universities, that I don’t have enough money, how am I going to get all the required money, how will I live on my own in a strange country - but she did it, and she wasn’t even alone, she had a husband and a daughter and she did it, why can’t I, why can’t I, alone is always easier than together with too many responsibilities. It's so easy for them to forget that it's their blood I have within me - she couldn't stop my father, how does she think she can stop me?
(And Utrecht is lovely, eerlijk waar, but not for a lifetime.)
Today I got out of bed far too late, dressed and ran to the car. Spontaneous swimming pool days ahoy.
Yesterday Carnaval: all alone for an hour, ending up in front of LM's flat, ringing and ringing and nobody home to open the door, at the same time he called me from the Stad, telling me which café they were going to and would I join them? On my way there I found Tad and Jim sitting on the street, leaning against a wall, as drunk as can be. They were waiting for SvV and his new boyfriend to come out of De Drie Gezusters. I ran to LM, told him I'd be joining them later with Tad, Jim, SvV and the boytoy. Jim is adorable when he's drunk. He was dressed up as a vampire. And he ended up biting and kissing his mask when we were in the snackbar getting them some fries. In the end we did get to LM's café - where we found Martina, but not LM himself before I had to drop them off to get their respective last train/bus.
On Saturday I was at Jasmijn's place, where we watched Pan's Labyrinth. On Thursday I saw Lucille, officially for the last time, unofficially I don't think I'll be better off staying away from there forever: and she told me I could always drop in for tea or chocolate milk, a chat. I've know the woman since I was twelve, yet, with only seeing her once every year or two, I never got to tell her about my publications, my pro-writing, my successes and my new ideas. She was thrilled and proud and I'm sending her one of my two copies of my poem-postcard.
Tad still hasn't e-mailed me the poems she entered the 2dime competition with.