As the world falls down....
Everything in my life has recently done a 180. Seems so odd to think that I now don't have a job. Hitting my head has seriously impacted my life. I don't think anyone really understands everything that came with this injury.
Every time my head hurts I think about the fight. I think about how horribly I did. Not only the fact that I was slower, weaker, and more out of practice than I realized but about how dishonorably I fought. How It turned into a fight instead of a friendly wrestling match.
Every time I get the pain behind my eye and my vision blurs and gets patchy I think about how I should have been a black belt several years ago. August was a great reminder of all of that (the month my instructor and his instructor got their black belts and when I was supposed to get mine several years ago). It just WOULDN'T END!
I think about how I had to quit my job. How much I'll miss all of it. How I need to find another. How we will be out of money soon.... Kim called today and left me a voice message saying she needed my keys for the new supervisor.... why does that hurt?
I think about how my father had a concussion and it completely devastated his life. His was much worse than mine, but it brings up the fact that I don't know who my father was because it happened before I remember him. His concussion killed "him". I remember when I was 4 or 5 and I heard him fall out of his chair having a seizure. I went in the kitchen a saw the blood pooling around his head too afraid to call 911 because he was convulsing in front of the phone. So I hid behind the couch until he stopped making noise and I got the courage to go see if he was alive. I cried over him until he woke up. He didn't remember any of it. That was all the repercussions of the concussion not the event. Then I think about how I haven't talked to him in years....
During all of this I really needed one person, and it's almost like she doesn't even care. I doubt she knew all of that, but I truly needed her and it's like she's no where to be found. She's busy with her own problems. I understand I just hate it.
I recently started talking (again) to a girl I met a year ago. We fell out of touch because of her controlling now ex bf. I had a huge crush on this girl for a while. She invited me to go to the tool concert as her date, but i decided to decline the free ticket as I was originally going to go with Ashley. She even remembered that Joe and I's one year anniversary is coming up. I invited her to come with us to fetish ball.
I've been doing alot of tarot lately and everything keeps telling me not to pass up relationship opportunities because all the makings for something great are there. I know that she is her. Now to find out if she is what I think she is.
Every time my head hurts I think about the fight. I think about how horribly I did. Not only the fact that I was slower, weaker, and more out of practice than I realized but about how dishonorably I fought. How It turned into a fight instead of a friendly wrestling match.
Every time I get the pain behind my eye and my vision blurs and gets patchy I think about how I should have been a black belt several years ago. August was a great reminder of all of that (the month my instructor and his instructor got their black belts and when I was supposed to get mine several years ago). It just WOULDN'T END!
I think about how I had to quit my job. How much I'll miss all of it. How I need to find another. How we will be out of money soon.... Kim called today and left me a voice message saying she needed my keys for the new supervisor.... why does that hurt?
I think about how my father had a concussion and it completely devastated his life. His was much worse than mine, but it brings up the fact that I don't know who my father was because it happened before I remember him. His concussion killed "him". I remember when I was 4 or 5 and I heard him fall out of his chair having a seizure. I went in the kitchen a saw the blood pooling around his head too afraid to call 911 because he was convulsing in front of the phone. So I hid behind the couch until he stopped making noise and I got the courage to go see if he was alive. I cried over him until he woke up. He didn't remember any of it. That was all the repercussions of the concussion not the event. Then I think about how I haven't talked to him in years....
During all of this I really needed one person, and it's almost like she doesn't even care. I doubt she knew all of that, but I truly needed her and it's like she's no where to be found. She's busy with her own problems. I understand I just hate it.
I recently started talking (again) to a girl I met a year ago. We fell out of touch because of her controlling now ex bf. I had a huge crush on this girl for a while. She invited me to go to the tool concert as her date, but i decided to decline the free ticket as I was originally going to go with Ashley. She even remembered that Joe and I's one year anniversary is coming up. I invited her to come with us to fetish ball.
I've been doing alot of tarot lately and everything keeps telling me not to pass up relationship opportunities because all the makings for something great are there. I know that she is her. Now to find out if she is what I think she is.