a poem from 10/21/08 the darkest oneeee
I remember I was eating somas and most likely drinking whiskey and smoking pot(the usual). And I started talking to the somas like they were my only friends....the somas inspired this poem. but now looking at it 9/11/15.... 7 years in the future....I was obviously covering up another kind of pain...but I remember acting out this poem... it took a while but it was real. I remember trying to use the hurt so bad...and not let it slip out of my mind. I can still see myself on the floor.
(I'm typing it the way I wrote it)
::looks at somas::
"For the night I take your company. The sounds of spirals & deep depressions grab a hold of my mind. All these little white polka dots surround my hands, throat, and stomach, and split into my veins. I lay down...take you in. My soul is at rest and I truly believe its all my fault. I grab a hold of my grey charcoal planning to sketch the negativity that lives around me...and the lives of others.
Oh! Look at all these creatures! They lurk to spoil the love in the world. Do they know better? or these are true demons? I'm dizzy with sadness and my tears turn these devils into black holes. Music leads to emotions and the emotions make these black holes larger. I stand up to cry out loud, but my kneecaps snap, and I've fallen into the darkness. The hole where I scream all the way down. Evil laughing and spirits tease me and touch me. Pull my hair and disgust me.
I don't want to be afraid...I command you out of my head!!!! You're not there!!!
As they scratch me with fire, my physicality bleeds. But I'm still breathing. My ceiling light is under my feet and I'm flying further away from the cause I wanted to heal. Maybe I'm just rolling around on the floor twitching, or on another astral plane. I prefer to go to...either one. So all of this living is nonsense! Living for other people's dreams and concerns. Just drop what a man has to say. They only make it worse if you listen to them.
What am I? floating around in this fish tank of funk. like the deep oceans glowing bacteria... I strive for more... need to be seen. But I'm so small."
I remember the ceiling light being under my feet because I was up-side-down in the black hole.
(I'm typing it the way I wrote it)
::looks at somas::
"For the night I take your company. The sounds of spirals & deep depressions grab a hold of my mind. All these little white polka dots surround my hands, throat, and stomach, and split into my veins. I lay down...take you in. My soul is at rest and I truly believe its all my fault. I grab a hold of my grey charcoal planning to sketch the negativity that lives around me...and the lives of others.
Oh! Look at all these creatures! They lurk to spoil the love in the world. Do they know better? or these are true demons? I'm dizzy with sadness and my tears turn these devils into black holes. Music leads to emotions and the emotions make these black holes larger. I stand up to cry out loud, but my kneecaps snap, and I've fallen into the darkness. The hole where I scream all the way down. Evil laughing and spirits tease me and touch me. Pull my hair and disgust me.
I don't want to be afraid...I command you out of my head!!!! You're not there!!!
As they scratch me with fire, my physicality bleeds. But I'm still breathing. My ceiling light is under my feet and I'm flying further away from the cause I wanted to heal. Maybe I'm just rolling around on the floor twitching, or on another astral plane. I prefer to go to...either one. So all of this living is nonsense! Living for other people's dreams and concerns. Just drop what a man has to say. They only make it worse if you listen to them.
What am I? floating around in this fish tank of funk. like the deep oceans glowing bacteria... I strive for more... need to be seen. But I'm so small."
I remember the ceiling light being under my feet because I was up-side-down in the black hole.