Shut the fuck up.
AHH I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A WHILE T-T
Okay. Life.
Christmas has been more than hectic. I went out and shopped the other day and all, and I'm glad I did, but my mother was being such a bitch about it. She kept spewing some bullshit about how I didn't have enough money left over to send out my gifts and that I would have to pay her interest over time if I borrowed her money to send the presents. (Fuck that, really. I love my friends more than I can imagine loving her, which is sick.)
Finals are this week. I should be studying every night, but I know that I won't. I should be studying for all of them really hard, but... I can't concentrate. Not about school, anyways. I really should just ban myself from the computer until I've finished this week. After this week...it's over. No school. For how long I can't remember. I know a good part of it I will be in Peninsula, but I don't care~ Because I won't be at school. I'll be at home. Writing all day and just living in my own world. The world I LIKE as opposed to my mother's twisted reality. I'm going to study... But not too many hours as I should. I need to relax if I'm gonna survive. (I know this is super stupid of me, because freshman year matters a lot, but FUCK IT-)
Speaking of writing.
My mother found a note me and Charlie were passing. She freaked. First of all, how dare her to go through my pockets searching for my dirty little secrets. Secondly, how dare her to search through my desk for things of my personal stuff. The note was talking about my writing pornographic fanfiction. (My luck fucking sucks.) She searched my desk and found a print-out of some rather poetic NejiSaso myself and atomicochre wrote together. She was... Furious. God. It was sick. She and dad went all Kabbalah on my ass, yelling about the Left and Right side of the Tree of Life and how desperately Left I was going. Honestly... I didn't know what to say but give in. Yes, I write pornography. Yes, it's graphic. Yes, I like writing it. Yes, it is a form of therapy. No, I do not find it remotely twisted. No, I do not agree. I guess I should have lied. But. What would it have done? I'm not sure. They made me promise I wouldn't write it. (Hahahaha. As fucking if. They aren't going to strip me of whatever left that keeps me sane.) Though it was EXTREMELY humiliating to know they know that I write shit like that. Almost as much as them knowing I'm lesbian. (Almost.)
It feels like Friday. I'm so exhausted. I just want everyone to shut the fuck up and let me crawl in a hole and sleep. And when I'm done sleeping, let me crawl out of said hole to be with everyone I love. They exist. And I want to be with them. (This Christmas has been so dry of love it's depressing. More so than usual.)
I've barely gotten close to finishing ANYONE'S Christmas gifts. (Damn finals.) I have too many things to do. But when that's all done and said, OH HO HO. Marry Holidays, people. *will work hard*
We had to dissect rats today. It was absolutely disgusting.
Otherwise I'm dandy :D
(I really am. I'm so happy it's Christmas soon...)
I have also affirmed that I have a crush on someone. Gah, it's annoying. I don't like crushes. For your own sanity I won't keep rambling about it or anything else for that matter. (I just thought I should mention it.)
Okay. Life.
Christmas has been more than hectic. I went out and shopped the other day and all, and I'm glad I did, but my mother was being such a bitch about it. She kept spewing some bullshit about how I didn't have enough money left over to send out my gifts and that I would have to pay her interest over time if I borrowed her money to send the presents. (Fuck that, really. I love my friends more than I can imagine loving her, which is sick.)
Finals are this week. I should be studying every night, but I know that I won't. I should be studying for all of them really hard, but... I can't concentrate. Not about school, anyways. I really should just ban myself from the computer until I've finished this week. After this week...it's over. No school. For how long I can't remember. I know a good part of it I will be in Peninsula, but I don't care~ Because I won't be at school. I'll be at home. Writing all day and just living in my own world. The world I LIKE as opposed to my mother's twisted reality. I'm going to study... But not too many hours as I should. I need to relax if I'm gonna survive. (I know this is super stupid of me, because freshman year matters a lot, but FUCK IT-)
Speaking of writing.
My mother found a note me and Charlie were passing. She freaked. First of all, how dare her to go through my pockets searching for my dirty little secrets. Secondly, how dare her to search through my desk for things of my personal stuff. The note was talking about my writing pornographic fanfiction. (My luck fucking sucks.) She searched my desk and found a print-out of some rather poetic NejiSaso myself and atomicochre wrote together. She was... Furious. God. It was sick. She and dad went all Kabbalah on my ass, yelling about the Left and Right side of the Tree of Life and how desperately Left I was going. Honestly... I didn't know what to say but give in. Yes, I write pornography. Yes, it's graphic. Yes, I like writing it. Yes, it is a form of therapy. No, I do not find it remotely twisted. No, I do not agree. I guess I should have lied. But. What would it have done? I'm not sure. They made me promise I wouldn't write it. (Hahahaha. As fucking if. They aren't going to strip me of whatever left that keeps me sane.) Though it was EXTREMELY humiliating to know they know that I write shit like that. Almost as much as them knowing I'm lesbian. (Almost.)
It feels like Friday. I'm so exhausted. I just want everyone to shut the fuck up and let me crawl in a hole and sleep. And when I'm done sleeping, let me crawl out of said hole to be with everyone I love. They exist. And I want to be with them. (This Christmas has been so dry of love it's depressing. More so than usual.)
I've barely gotten close to finishing ANYONE'S Christmas gifts. (Damn finals.) I have too many things to do. But when that's all done and said, OH HO HO. Marry Holidays, people. *will work hard*
We had to dissect rats today. It was absolutely disgusting.
Otherwise I'm dandy :D
(I really am. I'm so happy it's Christmas soon...)
I have also affirmed that I have a crush on someone. Gah, it's annoying. I don't like crushes. For your own sanity I won't keep rambling about it or anything else for that matter. (I just thought I should mention it.)