Fic: Adventures in Solitude [6/11]
Title: Adventures in Soltiude [6/11]
Author: bloodism
Fandom/Genre: Supernatural/post-Season 4 canon-au, romance, hurt/comfort
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 30, 708
Warnings: fallen!cas, OC's, sexual content, canon-au
18th July 2010
Dean and Sam are asleep, and Cas is leaning out of the large window in the lounge, breathing in the night air. He’s thinking, his mind scrambled and unordered. As an angel, it was so easy to get one thing and focus on it. Now, it was like grasping sand. He would think about one thing and then it would slip through his fingers. He’d try to grasp it again, but he’d get grains of a new thought.
He thought of Dean. How, earlier, when he had said those harsh things, it had been Sam that had snapped at him. Sam, who had never glared at Cas with so much aggression. That was how he had known that he had gone too far; Sam’s tone and Dean’s silence. But, it was too late now.
“You’re up late.” It’s Jude. Castiel doesn’t turn around. He knows she’s going to join him. “Dee’s a piece of work.”
Castiel smiles. “You could say that.”
“I dunno, I guess... I was expecting this blonde-haired, blue-eyed, overly-polite, perfect man. But instead it was...”
“Dean is... If you could see his soul, you would know.” Cas looks up and he can see the stars clearly through the unlatched window. “It’s hard to describe. Imagine... cold rain after a drought. A warm bed in the winter. A touchable star. It’s tainted, but beautifully so.”
Jude’s got that expression again - that bewildered, loving smile.
“You always look so happy when you talk about him,” Jude says softly and Cas ducks his head, a little abashed. Her smile falls. “But he makes you angry. I’ve never seen you angry.”
Cas doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how else he can describe why it is Dean is special to him, when he can elicit emotions in him that others can’t.
“Cas...” Cas looks at Jude, and he realises that she’s using the nickname that Dean had given him. “What they said... about you being an angel. Is that true?”
Cas feels his elation drop, but he knows that Jude hadn’t intentionally killed the mood. He doesn’t say anything. He’s clutching at sand again and then he gets a firm grip on his decision.
“Yes,” he confirms, and he waits, because Jude and Fae... they believed what they saw. And he had no wings to show them.
She takes it, but still has trouble believing it completely.
“And the thing hunting you... That’s an angel, too?” she asks. Cas is staring at the ground on the other side of the window, watching the blades of grass blow in the wind.
“Yes.”
“What Dee said too... about them... they were your family?”
“Yes.”
“They... made you human. Why?” She seems saddened by the thought.
“It’s my punishment.”
“What did you do?”
Cas presses his thumbs and index fingers together, forming the shape of a halo.
“I lost faith in God and found faith in the Winchesters.”
“Gosh,” she breathes out. “You... Your family just... How can you live with that? ”
It’s a question that stings, because Cas can live with it. Living without his family was something that was going to hurt, because he’d been with them since the beginning of his existence. But they had wanted to end the world that his Father had made and that was something that his family wouldn’t do. Not the family he had flown with. The Winchesters were his new salvation and not being with them... that was what he couldn’t live with.
“He’s a trooper.” There’s a new voice in the room. Jude and Cas turn and see Dean. Though it’s dark, Cas can see that he’s leaning against the doorframe, eyes lidded with sleep, hair mussed, boxers hanging low on his hips and black t-shirt skewed. Cas brings his fallen gaze back up to Dean’s face, cheeks warm.
“Nightmares?” Cas asks with a frown. He can see the haunted, drained light in Dean’s eyes. Dean’s smirk falls and he starts to look around the room, avoiding their gazes. That’s answer enough.
“You guys having trouble sleeping?” he asks, moving over to the table. Cas watches him pour out a glass of whiskey and he feels his own throat clench with a thirst that’s new and strange.
“Yeah,” Jude leans back against the window ledge and blows her short fringe up. “Nightmares.”
“Oh?” Dean raises an eyebrow and gulps down some liquid. Castiel follows the bob of his Adam’s apple, mouth dry. He licks his lips.
“Yup. Mine’s all bright white light and rumbling and screeching. Like, a ringing in my ears. Not exactly pleasant.” Dean’s eyebrow’s shoot up and he seems thoughtful. Castiel doesn’t realise. He’s moving forwards, eyes on the bottle of alcohol. Jude casts him a strange look, but keeps on talking. “What about yours? Can’t be any worse than mine?”
Dean seems to dispel his suspicion and snorts, shaking his head. He looks down at the floor with a sad smile.
“Yeah. Right. Trust me, you ain’t got nothing on-“ Dean stops. Cas is staring at his glass and he looks up at Dean questioningly. He doesn’t have to say anything. Dean adds it up, hands it to him and watches him swallow a mouthful.
There’s a pleasant burn and bitterness. It’s... addictive. He chugs down the rest of it, his eyes closed in delight, and slams the glass down onto the table, a dazed smile on his face.
“It’s good,” he says, more to himself than to Dean. The burn has thinned out to cover his entire body and now he’s warm. It’s a wonderful feeling.
“Yeah it is,” Dean replies, turning to pour out another glass. He peers over his shoulder to look at Jude.“I think it’s time you went to bed, little girl.” She flips him off with a grin and he fakes shock. “Well, that’s not very ladylike.”
“Bite me,” she retorts, pushing herself off of the wall with a yawn. “Alright, whatever, I’m gonna catch a few more Z’s. You two have fun and remember,” She points at them, “I’m right next door and I don’t have ear plugs. Keep it down.”
She shuts the door before Dean can respond. Cas doesn’t know why Dean mutters under his breath, or why he swallows the whiskey in his hand like a thirsty child. Cas reaches out, grabs the glass before he can finish it and gulps the rest down. They start to make their way through the bottle in silence, sharing the same glass and sharing the same darkness. Cas doesn’t know how long they stand there, just drinking, without speaking. It must be long enough for the alcohol to take effect, because he can’t focus on one thing before it runs away from him.
“So,” Dean starts awkwardly, looking down at his feet. He’s leaning backwards against the table with Cas, their shoulders almost pressed together. “You been okay? I mean with the whole...” He trails off and waves a hand in Cas’s direction.
“It was hard, at first. But I’d been watching you and Sam for so long. I knew enough to get by.”
Dean nods. “And, uh... the chicks? How’d you meet ‘em?”
“I started hunting and Jude saved me.”
Dean surprises Cas with a laugh. “Really? You started hunting? How’d that work out?”
Cas smiles at the floor. “Not so well.”
Dean refills the glass and knocks it back. Refills it again, hands it to Cas. Cas gulps it down and revels in the heat, the looseness, and when he opens his eyes again, they focus uneasily.
“And..., um. The angels.... you miss ‘em?”
Cas laughs breathlessly. It’s not amusement, more... realisation.
“They tried to destroy the world that I love. That my father loves. I miss them, but I won’t ever be able to forgive them for that. You and Sam, however.” He looks up and Dean’s staring at him with bright green eyes, sympathetic and soft. “I missed you.”
Dean starts to smile, but it collapses, and he drops his head. Cas reaches behind him and starts to drink straight from the bottle of whiskey, passing it over to Dean. Dean swigs back a mouthful and goes back to the staring at the carpet.
“It was hard, you know. Did you really think me and Sammy would just get over it?”
Cas wants to concentrate on his words, because they’re important, but he’s getting dizzier. He’s feeling warm and happy. Dean’s next to him, he’s found his family and sure, he’s mortal, but he’s one of his Father’s greatest creations. He can spend a lifetime with the Winchesters instead of an eternity with his traitorous family.
“You and Sam... You’re a pair. It’s always been you two, the Winchester brothers. There was no place for me,” he slurs. Dean scoffs and it’s worn. Like he’s tired of being angry.
“Three Musketeers. The Golden Trio. The Fellowship. More than two, Cas.” Cas lets out another breathless laugh and shakes his head. “What?”
“You... I was right, you are very similar.”
Dean finishes off the last of the whiskey and folds his arms, the tension gone from his body. The alcohol is thrumming through both his and Cas’s system.
“To who?”
Cas lifts his head and when he looks at Dean, he feels warmer. It’s those eyes and that smile. The things he’d never thought he’d see again.
“No one,” he brushes off with a breath. They look at each other in silence and Cas wishes he had the power to see into Dean’s mind, because he can’t tell what the hunter is thinking. So instead of trying to figure it out, Cas starts to pick out every little detail on Dean’s face. His freckles; his eyelashes; his eyebrows; the little strand of hair that’s flat against his forehead; the tiny grains of stubble; his moist, slightly-parted lips...
It happens fast, and Cas is completely unaware of what he’s doing.
He leans forwards, plants a kiss on Dean’s lips, and then passes out.
-
Dean stands there, stunned, fingers brushing against the fresh blood on his bottom lip.
Had that just happened? Had Cas just fallen onto his lips, and then passed out? He hisses when he presses too hard on the cut that had been the results of the ‘kiss’.
“Well, that was entertaining.”
Dean swerves around and Jude’s standing in the doorway of her room, phone raised and a sleepy smile on her face.
“How long you been standing there?” he snaps. She grins.
“Long enough.” Dean scowls at her and lunges for the phone. She dodges him and shoves it into the pockets of her pyjamas. “No way. This is my little treasure.”
“You are one creepy chick, you know that?” Dean growls as threateningly as he can manage. Jude shrugs. Her gaze drops to Cas, who’s snoring peacefully on the floor.
“You want some help getting his ass up?”
Dean nudges Cas with his foot. He doesn’t even flinch. Sighing, Dean bends over to grab Cas’s arm.
“Yeah.”
Jude’s at his side, grabbing Cas’s other arm and hauling it over her shoulder. They’re silent as they drag him over to the sofa, where they allow him to drop heavily onto it. He snuggles his face closer to the pillow.
“He’ll be feeling that fall tomorrow,” Jude whispers and Dean snorts softly. They stare down at Cas and Dean should find it strange, that he’s sleeping. But... it fits. And it’s nice, because he’s never look so relaxed. Dean catches the affectionate look that Jude is giving to the sleeping not-quite-angel and his curiosity peaks.
“So... how’d you get so buddy buddy?”
Jude smiles down at her feet.
“I dunno. It’s weird. Me and Fae don’t let a lotta people get close, ‘cos we just get hurt in the end. But with the pup, he...”
“...Gets in deep before you know what’s hit you.” Dean finishes and she grins at him.
“Yeah.”
Cas snorts in his sleep and jerks, curling his arms underneath the pillow.
“Ain’t he adorable,” Dean quips and he snuffs a laugh to himself. Jude’s careful gaze moves to him, though, and she’s got a quirk to her lips. She doesn’t say anything. She keeps her words and makes a silent promise.
Time passes and when the sun comes up outside, it casts a shadow down onto Dean and Jude. At some point in the night, they’d seated themselves on the floor. They’d talked, and talked, and talked.
When Cas wakes up, his head is pounding, his mouth is dry, there’s a cut on his lip, and he’s hungry. But he has to smile, because underneath the open window, he sees Dean and Jude. They’re asleep, heads pressed together, legs sprawled out in front of them, the same bundle of frowns marring their foreheads.
He discards the image he’d kept of Sam and Dean clutching each other in relief, and replaces it with a new one.
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Author: bloodism
Fandom/Genre: Supernatural/post-Season 4 canon-au, romance, hurt/comfort
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 30, 708
Warnings: fallen!cas, OC's, sexual content, canon-au
18th July 2010
Dean and Sam are asleep, and Cas is leaning out of the large window in the lounge, breathing in the night air. He’s thinking, his mind scrambled and unordered. As an angel, it was so easy to get one thing and focus on it. Now, it was like grasping sand. He would think about one thing and then it would slip through his fingers. He’d try to grasp it again, but he’d get grains of a new thought.
He thought of Dean. How, earlier, when he had said those harsh things, it had been Sam that had snapped at him. Sam, who had never glared at Cas with so much aggression. That was how he had known that he had gone too far; Sam’s tone and Dean’s silence. But, it was too late now.
“You’re up late.” It’s Jude. Castiel doesn’t turn around. He knows she’s going to join him. “Dee’s a piece of work.”
Castiel smiles. “You could say that.”
“I dunno, I guess... I was expecting this blonde-haired, blue-eyed, overly-polite, perfect man. But instead it was...”
“Dean is... If you could see his soul, you would know.” Cas looks up and he can see the stars clearly through the unlatched window. “It’s hard to describe. Imagine... cold rain after a drought. A warm bed in the winter. A touchable star. It’s tainted, but beautifully so.”
Jude’s got that expression again - that bewildered, loving smile.
“You always look so happy when you talk about him,” Jude says softly and Cas ducks his head, a little abashed. Her smile falls. “But he makes you angry. I’ve never seen you angry.”
Cas doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how else he can describe why it is Dean is special to him, when he can elicit emotions in him that others can’t.
“Cas...” Cas looks at Jude, and he realises that she’s using the nickname that Dean had given him. “What they said... about you being an angel. Is that true?”
Cas feels his elation drop, but he knows that Jude hadn’t intentionally killed the mood. He doesn’t say anything. He’s clutching at sand again and then he gets a firm grip on his decision.
“Yes,” he confirms, and he waits, because Jude and Fae... they believed what they saw. And he had no wings to show them.
She takes it, but still has trouble believing it completely.
“And the thing hunting you... That’s an angel, too?” she asks. Cas is staring at the ground on the other side of the window, watching the blades of grass blow in the wind.
“Yes.”
“What Dee said too... about them... they were your family?”
“Yes.”
“They... made you human. Why?” She seems saddened by the thought.
“It’s my punishment.”
“What did you do?”
Cas presses his thumbs and index fingers together, forming the shape of a halo.
“I lost faith in God and found faith in the Winchesters.”
“Gosh,” she breathes out. “You... Your family just... How can you live with that? ”
It’s a question that stings, because Cas can live with it. Living without his family was something that was going to hurt, because he’d been with them since the beginning of his existence. But they had wanted to end the world that his Father had made and that was something that his family wouldn’t do. Not the family he had flown with. The Winchesters were his new salvation and not being with them... that was what he couldn’t live with.
“He’s a trooper.” There’s a new voice in the room. Jude and Cas turn and see Dean. Though it’s dark, Cas can see that he’s leaning against the doorframe, eyes lidded with sleep, hair mussed, boxers hanging low on his hips and black t-shirt skewed. Cas brings his fallen gaze back up to Dean’s face, cheeks warm.
“Nightmares?” Cas asks with a frown. He can see the haunted, drained light in Dean’s eyes. Dean’s smirk falls and he starts to look around the room, avoiding their gazes. That’s answer enough.
“You guys having trouble sleeping?” he asks, moving over to the table. Cas watches him pour out a glass of whiskey and he feels his own throat clench with a thirst that’s new and strange.
“Yeah,” Jude leans back against the window ledge and blows her short fringe up. “Nightmares.”
“Oh?” Dean raises an eyebrow and gulps down some liquid. Castiel follows the bob of his Adam’s apple, mouth dry. He licks his lips.
“Yup. Mine’s all bright white light and rumbling and screeching. Like, a ringing in my ears. Not exactly pleasant.” Dean’s eyebrow’s shoot up and he seems thoughtful. Castiel doesn’t realise. He’s moving forwards, eyes on the bottle of alcohol. Jude casts him a strange look, but keeps on talking. “What about yours? Can’t be any worse than mine?”
Dean seems to dispel his suspicion and snorts, shaking his head. He looks down at the floor with a sad smile.
“Yeah. Right. Trust me, you ain’t got nothing on-“ Dean stops. Cas is staring at his glass and he looks up at Dean questioningly. He doesn’t have to say anything. Dean adds it up, hands it to him and watches him swallow a mouthful.
There’s a pleasant burn and bitterness. It’s... addictive. He chugs down the rest of it, his eyes closed in delight, and slams the glass down onto the table, a dazed smile on his face.
“It’s good,” he says, more to himself than to Dean. The burn has thinned out to cover his entire body and now he’s warm. It’s a wonderful feeling.
“Yeah it is,” Dean replies, turning to pour out another glass. He peers over his shoulder to look at Jude.“I think it’s time you went to bed, little girl.” She flips him off with a grin and he fakes shock. “Well, that’s not very ladylike.”
“Bite me,” she retorts, pushing herself off of the wall with a yawn. “Alright, whatever, I’m gonna catch a few more Z’s. You two have fun and remember,” She points at them, “I’m right next door and I don’t have ear plugs. Keep it down.”
She shuts the door before Dean can respond. Cas doesn’t know why Dean mutters under his breath, or why he swallows the whiskey in his hand like a thirsty child. Cas reaches out, grabs the glass before he can finish it and gulps the rest down. They start to make their way through the bottle in silence, sharing the same glass and sharing the same darkness. Cas doesn’t know how long they stand there, just drinking, without speaking. It must be long enough for the alcohol to take effect, because he can’t focus on one thing before it runs away from him.
“So,” Dean starts awkwardly, looking down at his feet. He’s leaning backwards against the table with Cas, their shoulders almost pressed together. “You been okay? I mean with the whole...” He trails off and waves a hand in Cas’s direction.
“It was hard, at first. But I’d been watching you and Sam for so long. I knew enough to get by.”
Dean nods. “And, uh... the chicks? How’d you meet ‘em?”
“I started hunting and Jude saved me.”
Dean surprises Cas with a laugh. “Really? You started hunting? How’d that work out?”
Cas smiles at the floor. “Not so well.”
Dean refills the glass and knocks it back. Refills it again, hands it to Cas. Cas gulps it down and revels in the heat, the looseness, and when he opens his eyes again, they focus uneasily.
“And..., um. The angels.... you miss ‘em?”
Cas laughs breathlessly. It’s not amusement, more... realisation.
“They tried to destroy the world that I love. That my father loves. I miss them, but I won’t ever be able to forgive them for that. You and Sam, however.” He looks up and Dean’s staring at him with bright green eyes, sympathetic and soft. “I missed you.”
Dean starts to smile, but it collapses, and he drops his head. Cas reaches behind him and starts to drink straight from the bottle of whiskey, passing it over to Dean. Dean swigs back a mouthful and goes back to the staring at the carpet.
“It was hard, you know. Did you really think me and Sammy would just get over it?”
Cas wants to concentrate on his words, because they’re important, but he’s getting dizzier. He’s feeling warm and happy. Dean’s next to him, he’s found his family and sure, he’s mortal, but he’s one of his Father’s greatest creations. He can spend a lifetime with the Winchesters instead of an eternity with his traitorous family.
“You and Sam... You’re a pair. It’s always been you two, the Winchester brothers. There was no place for me,” he slurs. Dean scoffs and it’s worn. Like he’s tired of being angry.
“Three Musketeers. The Golden Trio. The Fellowship. More than two, Cas.” Cas lets out another breathless laugh and shakes his head. “What?”
“You... I was right, you are very similar.”
Dean finishes off the last of the whiskey and folds his arms, the tension gone from his body. The alcohol is thrumming through both his and Cas’s system.
“To who?”
Cas lifts his head and when he looks at Dean, he feels warmer. It’s those eyes and that smile. The things he’d never thought he’d see again.
“No one,” he brushes off with a breath. They look at each other in silence and Cas wishes he had the power to see into Dean’s mind, because he can’t tell what the hunter is thinking. So instead of trying to figure it out, Cas starts to pick out every little detail on Dean’s face. His freckles; his eyelashes; his eyebrows; the little strand of hair that’s flat against his forehead; the tiny grains of stubble; his moist, slightly-parted lips...
It happens fast, and Cas is completely unaware of what he’s doing.
He leans forwards, plants a kiss on Dean’s lips, and then passes out.
-
Dean stands there, stunned, fingers brushing against the fresh blood on his bottom lip.
Had that just happened? Had Cas just fallen onto his lips, and then passed out? He hisses when he presses too hard on the cut that had been the results of the ‘kiss’.
“Well, that was entertaining.”
Dean swerves around and Jude’s standing in the doorway of her room, phone raised and a sleepy smile on her face.
“How long you been standing there?” he snaps. She grins.
“Long enough.” Dean scowls at her and lunges for the phone. She dodges him and shoves it into the pockets of her pyjamas. “No way. This is my little treasure.”
“You are one creepy chick, you know that?” Dean growls as threateningly as he can manage. Jude shrugs. Her gaze drops to Cas, who’s snoring peacefully on the floor.
“You want some help getting his ass up?”
Dean nudges Cas with his foot. He doesn’t even flinch. Sighing, Dean bends over to grab Cas’s arm.
“Yeah.”
Jude’s at his side, grabbing Cas’s other arm and hauling it over her shoulder. They’re silent as they drag him over to the sofa, where they allow him to drop heavily onto it. He snuggles his face closer to the pillow.
“He’ll be feeling that fall tomorrow,” Jude whispers and Dean snorts softly. They stare down at Cas and Dean should find it strange, that he’s sleeping. But... it fits. And it’s nice, because he’s never look so relaxed. Dean catches the affectionate look that Jude is giving to the sleeping not-quite-angel and his curiosity peaks.
“So... how’d you get so buddy buddy?”
Jude smiles down at her feet.
“I dunno. It’s weird. Me and Fae don’t let a lotta people get close, ‘cos we just get hurt in the end. But with the pup, he...”
“...Gets in deep before you know what’s hit you.” Dean finishes and she grins at him.
“Yeah.”
Cas snorts in his sleep and jerks, curling his arms underneath the pillow.
“Ain’t he adorable,” Dean quips and he snuffs a laugh to himself. Jude’s careful gaze moves to him, though, and she’s got a quirk to her lips. She doesn’t say anything. She keeps her words and makes a silent promise.
Time passes and when the sun comes up outside, it casts a shadow down onto Dean and Jude. At some point in the night, they’d seated themselves on the floor. They’d talked, and talked, and talked.
When Cas wakes up, his head is pounding, his mouth is dry, there’s a cut on his lip, and he’s hungry. But he has to smile, because underneath the open window, he sees Dean and Jude. They’re asleep, heads pressed together, legs sprawled out in front of them, the same bundle of frowns marring their foreheads.
He discards the image he’d kept of Sam and Dean clutching each other in relief, and replaces it with a new one.
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