What's Left Inside Him?

[bloodiednbroken]

I sit here, I think what my efforts are all about, am I in vain? Is this all for nothing. Thinking back on what has happened, all the time I spent thinking about things. I really am lonely; But what is lonely anyways? I always thought it was not having anyone around... I see now that is not what loneliness is. Loneliness is knowing you can't do anything about how things are and despite how you may try.. it seems kind of for nothing. I try to make someone's life easier... Many people's actually... and you know what I get in return? "Fuck you, you suck". Some people do not need to be in my life. I hate it. I hate how I don't have to do anything for these people because they regard me in the category of less than dirt... I feel so incredibly empty... and so lonely... I help everyone, so someone please help me. I don't want to go on like this. I am torn between what I want and what others want. Perhaps it is time I get something I want? I hope so. I need to know what to do. Spending countless hours on the guitar lets me know how it is such a deep situation even though it may not seem like it. I am saying what I want to do. I want to be with Landra, it's different around her, I can just chill out and not have to worry about anything when I'm with her. I think I deserve something every once in a while. I want to be able to talk to my mom without my step father intervening. I miss her so much... I want to be forgiven for what I have done.

On another note: I'm so fed up with Jason. I don't need to deal with some selfish, immature, love sick punk who just fucking crys all the time. I'm willing to give up what I want for this asshole. But it's never good enough for him so you know what? Fuck him. I'm doing what I want. I am not afraid of anything, And I won't be any time soon. So bring it on life you mother fucker.