Im not going anywhere

[bloodhalo]

My job is leaving me so exhausted. Im sleeping all the time and feeling so tired when im not. My dreams have been really fucked up and im not sleeping good when Jons not there. I cant wait till I get my paycheck Im not getting my cigarette intake either

Comments

[draco_insygnus]

Goodbye? well then that seems to be an answer. Before you wanted to talk, but well that's all over now. You said you wanted to be my friend. I was here. You called last night, but i was busy I'm sorry. When I got back home they told me you were sleeping, so i couldn't talk to you. I'm guessing you don't want anything back or what? I mean the cats and clothes are here. How do you want to settle this now? I mean seriously Jen? I am still here, but it's over it seems now. I mean I was and am still open for talking, but that is up to you. I mean your the one who wants to have to talk. Either way I hope you stay happy. It's just nice to see somebody turn on me like that. Well you need to call me about your stuff if you're no longer going to be coming around. The cat thing stays the same. Once you get your place you can have them. That's not changing. The other stuff however most likely will need to get out. I can drop it down there when I know you guys will be there. It was fine staying here, but if it's going to be like this then it needs to be out. If you're not going to be my friend then your stuff can't be here. You need to answer this back and tell me what's up on this. Sorry to see you go, but well things happen I guess.

posted only to me by draco_insygnus

[bloodhalo]

Don't be around me cause you want me to be happy. Just leave me be. You have friends that keep you up. You have Jon that you can talk to, and make you happier then I ever did in the whole time we were together. You already said he was a better choice then me, and that he makes you happier then I ever did. Just let me be alone. I don't want to burdon you anymore. I don't want to bring you down. I've lost Nancy. I lost Pink. There really isn't anything left for me. You said I want a relationship. Well I do. I wanted one with you, but you didn't want one with me. You really didn't give me another chance to make things better. You didn't give me a chance to really fix things. You told it to Jon but not to me. I don't want to hear how many chances you gave me. Giving someone a chance is telling them about it. Just leave me alone like all the rest. I told you how much you've hurt me. The closure is done with. I love you and I still want to be with you. That is why I can't be around you or Jon or anybody.

You have no idea how much I want to hate you. You have no idea how much I want to forget about you, but I never will. The reason why Pink didn't want to be with me was because of you. She told me that. Nancy doesn't want to be with me cause she wants to be alone, but because I'm not over you. You're over me. You got over me the second you kissed Jon. You have no idea how much you hurt me by doing that, and you didn't know this was going to happen. You should have. No one can be that inept to things. Don't tell me you never thought about it, cause you went to him, and you got with him. This is over. I want you to be happy. Just leave me alone. I will only bring you down like I keep doing to everyone else. I did it to Pink and to Nancy. I've done it in the past, and it will never stop. Maybe in six months you'll understand all of this. I've already said goodbye to Pink and Nancy tonight. Telling them the samething basically. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep bringing them down. I can't do this to people anymore. Goodbye.

[bloodhalo]

that was written to me only wednesday, june 25. i think that says something. but me saying goodbye to someone who told me goodbye first? i dont even need a reason after that. but i do, good enough reason for myself anyway whether its good enough for you james, or for others who it doesnt even involve anyway so it doesnt matter. i dont care. this is my decision. made with reasons far beyond explaining. im tired of explaining. goodbye shouldve said enough after what you wrote to me.

[draco_insygnus]

Yeah well I also wrote that if I'm wrong then you should call me, email me, or write me later. You called me two days later. That made me happy only to have what I had left crushed. Why would you call then just say goodbye? Why would you say you'd call back in a couple of days then the next say goodbye? That's what I don't get. Why?

[bloodhalo]

Yeah, doesnt matter, you still said goodbye. You still said it. I changed my mind. It got to be too much. I already told you all of this. You were taking too much out of me. And as bad as it may sound, or uncaring or whatever, you were more effort than it was worth. You shouldnt be where all my energy goes to. I was too much energy for you, you told me goodbye. Just drop it. You also told me that you were glad that I was gone now, etc.. so let it go James. I didnt have any energy left to give to something I felt wasnt getting anywhere. Something that just made me so angry and so hurt. Im not going to put that much to anything that does that to me. The hurt became more than the good. I still remember the good friend you were and it still saddens me no matter what you think that thats gone. And it always will. But I guess thats how things turn out sometimes. We cant always have what we want.

[draco_insygnus]

Yeah no shit. I really don't care right now. I said we need space, but it's the fact that you got with Jon just days after that really pissed me off. I'm moved on. It's up to you now like I said. I'm still willing to be your friend, but not now. It's not good now for both of us.