just one quick thing about Janet
"dont let this bitterness fool you i ' m all heart motherfucker !"
She was tired and all she could do was repeat this sentence over and over again inside her head while she was drunk. Because Janet never liked herself.
Her friend agreed with her, who told her in confidence one summer while laying nex to the pool, both of them wet, and chlorine smelling.
-"Janet you dont like yourself, did you know that?"
"no, but i never think about it, so how can you tell?"
-"just the way you are, your always saying that nobody likes you, and that you're too short anyway."
"who care's how short you are, at least you dont stink!"
-"Touché !"
She watched this boy she still crushed on, from the woods behind the football fields, he was a gleaming energetic idiot, but to Janet, he was beautiful, his brash optimisim, humour and popularity only a distant memory to her. She would prefer to walk home alone so she could put on her earphones and listen to bands like Nick Drake, Nirvana, Elliott Smith, Joy Division.. Not because those were all bands where the singer topped himself, she just related.
Those kind of things is why she began drinking, alone in her room after her studies, nights were all was consumed already she would sometimes pull one of many bottles of hairspray from underneath her mattress, and take some sips. The smell made her quiver more then the taste itsef. It was one of the only things she could smell beyond her own odor.
She began to invent little games, things to pass the time while she sat in her room, she chewed bubble gum and then swallowed it, then she would lay down in her bed and spit on the ceiling, the plegm from the gum made the spit stick, and droop, sometimes hitting her in the face, but if she was lucky it would stick there and dry, leaving little multi-colored strings suspended from her ceiling. A wide array of uncontrolable feelings began to develop inside her. She made phonecalls at a phonebooth right in front of her house and observed random stramgers picking up the phone.
Her stereo played over and over again to the ears of these people through the phone, and she hoped this song could make her mind, and these people their mind, shut up for a second:
"Well just pick me up, put me down,
We'll get out of this sometime, we will,
And leave it all to the sea.
Throw it away, and then just shut your mouth
And darling you'll see how it all turns out, huh!
Then throw it away, for a year and a day,
And then come back to me.
Well just click your heels, turn around,
We'll get out of this sometime, we will,
We'll leave it all to the sea, to the sea,
I know that your love lies somewhere.
In the sea.
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
In the sea"
She was hiding behind this song, like a small afraid animal hiding behind a bush, a song she would never sing.
Her friend asked her again why she was like this, she could only reply:
"Ok, this is what I want to say. All right, this is how I see it. Beautiful, intelligent boy from Paraguay. By chance happens to be working at a roadside motel in the middle of nowhere. Lost and confused, totally lost, incredibly unhappy person accidentally wanders in off the highway, and they meet, and they fall in love, and it's perfect. I mean it is perfect. And I can only hope that he feels a tenth of the way that I feel."
She was tired and all she could do was repeat this sentence over and over again inside her head while she was drunk. Because Janet never liked herself.
Her friend agreed with her, who told her in confidence one summer while laying nex to the pool, both of them wet, and chlorine smelling.
-"Janet you dont like yourself, did you know that?"
"no, but i never think about it, so how can you tell?"
-"just the way you are, your always saying that nobody likes you, and that you're too short anyway."
"who care's how short you are, at least you dont stink!"
-"Touché !"
She watched this boy she still crushed on, from the woods behind the football fields, he was a gleaming energetic idiot, but to Janet, he was beautiful, his brash optimisim, humour and popularity only a distant memory to her. She would prefer to walk home alone so she could put on her earphones and listen to bands like Nick Drake, Nirvana, Elliott Smith, Joy Division.. Not because those were all bands where the singer topped himself, she just related.
Those kind of things is why she began drinking, alone in her room after her studies, nights were all was consumed already she would sometimes pull one of many bottles of hairspray from underneath her mattress, and take some sips. The smell made her quiver more then the taste itsef. It was one of the only things she could smell beyond her own odor.
She began to invent little games, things to pass the time while she sat in her room, she chewed bubble gum and then swallowed it, then she would lay down in her bed and spit on the ceiling, the plegm from the gum made the spit stick, and droop, sometimes hitting her in the face, but if she was lucky it would stick there and dry, leaving little multi-colored strings suspended from her ceiling. A wide array of uncontrolable feelings began to develop inside her. She made phonecalls at a phonebooth right in front of her house and observed random stramgers picking up the phone.
Her stereo played over and over again to the ears of these people through the phone, and she hoped this song could make her mind, and these people their mind, shut up for a second:
"Well just pick me up, put me down,
We'll get out of this sometime, we will,
And leave it all to the sea.
Throw it away, and then just shut your mouth
And darling you'll see how it all turns out, huh!
Then throw it away, for a year and a day,
And then come back to me.
Well just click your heels, turn around,
We'll get out of this sometime, we will,
We'll leave it all to the sea, to the sea,
I know that your love lies somewhere.
In the sea.
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
I know that your love lies somewhere
In the sea"
She was hiding behind this song, like a small afraid animal hiding behind a bush, a song she would never sing.
Her friend asked her again why she was like this, she could only reply:
"Ok, this is what I want to say. All right, this is how I see it. Beautiful, intelligent boy from Paraguay. By chance happens to be working at a roadside motel in the middle of nowhere. Lost and confused, totally lost, incredibly unhappy person accidentally wanders in off the highway, and they meet, and they fall in love, and it's perfect. I mean it is perfect. And I can only hope that he feels a tenth of the way that I feel."