(no subject)

[bloodbeauty]

last night i cried for hours on jenn, so sad, so fucking sad, and no reason why



my harlequin whore makes me so sad
i want to be him
to be happy

i want to be positive
an extrovert
make people take notice and not care if they stare

i want a Daddy, a Master, a Sir
i want to be owned and looked after
i want to be His boy

I want rules and boundries
but i know i can't keep them
i'm always bad in the end

i make people sad in the end
break the good things
hurt them

i can't be happy
i think i'm loosing my mind
i feel spiders crawl over my flesh

i cry and scream because i want to go a home
unkown home
no one knows where it is but i still acuse them of hiding it

scratch my skin away to stop the itching
i need out of this skin
it itches

need to go home
die and go home
out of this flesh that is wrong

need to not cry for hours on end
on my ex who's a friend, who was a mistress, a lover, a girlfriend, mine
now none of that, but she still lets me cry

hold me and calls me bebe
my mama, always my mama
and i love her with all my heart

just want to leave
but it would make people sad
want to die and go home

want out of this skin
now red and weeping blood
blood tears for me, my body know's it's wrong

mama stops me
i want to tear myself apart
not allowed to do that

got to go away
start afresh
is it any wonder i'm scared when i feel like this?

i miss my harlequin whore
i wish i was with him
bask in his light and pretend, for a minute, that i could be like him