(no subject)
well, college today wasn't too bad
i was behind the bar, but since we had hardly anyone in i didn't have to much
did my coffee assesment
but can't have my log book filled in coz he hassn't given me one yet
oh well
hopefully get one tomorrow
people were nice today
i've been in a much better headspace
partly because i got to start my birth control pills again today
i'm sure being off them didn't help...
maybe all the herbal doodahs did something...who knows?
but yes, am feeling better
stopped in at blackheath halls today
and the guy was just closing up
turns out he's part time and leaving soon
and they'll be looking for people to take his place
so i gave them a CV and should hear next week
so you better all be sending happy thoughts my way
in other news Alexander Lawrence Ramsay was officially named today and i'm feeling very squeeee about it
so much so that i squeeeeed when i got the text
which made everyone in the changing room ask why
so i then had to explain...
funnily enough the second year i was working the bar with said today
"oh, i've heard of you, you're some sort of freak...oh, um, i didn't mean..."
heh, Lila has a reputation
even with people who have never heard of me apparently, judging by the boy i met at metro
it was as if he could *tell* that i was kinky, just by looking at me
and then made jokes about it
which made me blush
i *never* blush
i'm brazen
almost whoreishly so
sigh...
very scared that soon i'm going to walk into a doctors office and ask him to take away my sex drive
because, stupid as it is, a large part of me is defined my it
i'm scared that *not* being sexual will change who i am
but i need to, because it's screwing my realationships over compleatly
and squelching my concentration
and making me feel like shit
and i know i wouldn't hesitate to ask for it to be taken away if i was in the middle of a bad spell
but because i'm not the thought of loosing my sex drive scares me
i mean, doesn't everybody want a nymphomaniac HBB?
will anyone like me/want me if i'm not?
*sigh* just scared of change
likelyhood is i'll get put on anti-depressants/mood stabilizers, most of which have reduced sex drive as a side effect
and my cravings are only unmanageable when i'm in a low patch
so that would (seemingly) kill all my birds with one stone
appart from the fact that i'm scared of what i'll be like on pills
and no one seems willing to give them to me
but maybe the counselling with work
if i ever get any
i was behind the bar, but since we had hardly anyone in i didn't have to much
did my coffee assesment
but can't have my log book filled in coz he hassn't given me one yet
oh well
hopefully get one tomorrow
people were nice today
i've been in a much better headspace
partly because i got to start my birth control pills again today
i'm sure being off them didn't help...
maybe all the herbal doodahs did something...who knows?
but yes, am feeling better
stopped in at blackheath halls today
and the guy was just closing up
turns out he's part time and leaving soon
and they'll be looking for people to take his place
so i gave them a CV and should hear next week
so you better all be sending happy thoughts my way
in other news Alexander Lawrence Ramsay was officially named today and i'm feeling very squeeee about it
so much so that i squeeeeed when i got the text
which made everyone in the changing room ask why
so i then had to explain...
funnily enough the second year i was working the bar with said today
"oh, i've heard of you, you're some sort of freak...oh, um, i didn't mean..."
heh, Lila has a reputation
even with people who have never heard of me apparently, judging by the boy i met at metro
it was as if he could *tell* that i was kinky, just by looking at me
and then made jokes about it
which made me blush
i *never* blush
i'm brazen
almost whoreishly so
sigh...
very scared that soon i'm going to walk into a doctors office and ask him to take away my sex drive
because, stupid as it is, a large part of me is defined my it
i'm scared that *not* being sexual will change who i am
but i need to, because it's screwing my realationships over compleatly
and squelching my concentration
and making me feel like shit
and i know i wouldn't hesitate to ask for it to be taken away if i was in the middle of a bad spell
but because i'm not the thought of loosing my sex drive scares me
i mean, doesn't everybody want a nymphomaniac HBB?
will anyone like me/want me if i'm not?
*sigh* just scared of change
likelyhood is i'll get put on anti-depressants/mood stabilizers, most of which have reduced sex drive as a side effect
and my cravings are only unmanageable when i'm in a low patch
so that would (seemingly) kill all my birds with one stone
appart from the fact that i'm scared of what i'll be like on pills
and no one seems willing to give them to me
but maybe the counselling with work
if i ever get any