(no subject)

[bloodbeauty]

i got sent home early from college
i started crying and couldn't stop
this is not coping
this is barely surviving
i need help
i'm trying to get help
but i haven't got any at the moment

i miss alex
i miss jenn

i want to curl up and sleep with them next to me
i want normality and peace

i also want to be beaten, and used, and mistreated
i want to know that i'm as worthless as i feel
i want the gorgeous relaxation that comes after a good beating
i want to feel owned and safe and protected.

i've been feeling more furry
feeling as if i have ears and tail more often
it's weird, in one way it's comforting
and in another it's disconcerting

i'd prefer to be just mouse, skunkmouse
and have my kittens to look after me
and play with me

but that's not the way the world works
i have to cope
i have to get through this

and maybe i can play at my fantasies for an hour or two at some point...maybe, hopefully

YOUR REPORT CARD:
CategoryGrade
LoveA+
Friends and FamilyB
BodyA+
MindC
Finance / CareerD
Your Life's Average Grade: B
'What is your Life Grade?' at QuizGalaxy.com