(no subject)
ugh.
well we'll start with the good news: I rode Gam in the Show jumping Rally yesterday and despite being 21, he did really great and doesn't seem to be lame, sick or choking. we only pulled one rail so I'm proud of that.
1)I realized that I'm much less emotionally resiliant than I used to be. Thursday I got there late for a pony club lesson (because mom didn't tell me what time it was at when I asked her- she has a tendency to ignore answering questions) and Sandy wanted me to do this fairly tough exercise where we had to do a serpentine with two jumps in it pretty close together. and anyway, Gam has never been able to switch leads over a jump. I have worked on it and worked on it and he just doesn't get it. So she's telling me to pull on my inside rein and every time we land he's falling on his inside shoulder when he lands (not falling literally, but not carrying his weight correctly which makes it really hard to get him in to the next jump and is also bad for his joints) and I just feel like I'm driving him into the ground on his forehand, but we keep getting over them, even if it looks disgusting. ANd she keeps asking me if I can feel it working and helping and I'm just like NO! i feel like i'm killing him. and finally he just trips this massive trip like he can when he's on his forehand that feels like it dislocates most of my vertebrae, and I pretty much burst into tears because I don't want to make him lame at 21 two days before a rally. and I just plain love him so much I don't see the point of doing this exercise when I'm not planning on making him an olympic mount anyway. And Sandy of course thinks that I'm getting tired because I'm leaning forward, when really it's just because I've been doing hunter all winter and also because I don't want to hit him in the mouth, and she's not being mean, she just doesn't get it, and I feel bad and it's just shit. She thinks I'm tired and I just don't want to hurt my horse. oh well, whatever. who knows how I became such a fruitcake but it has something to do with upper level examiners, I'm sure of it.
2) for those of you who don't read my bf's journal, his car was burned to a crisp beyond recognizability. It wasn't that big of a deal from my perspective because he was going to be getting a new one this fall anyway (this other car was an 89 and had been having problems for a while) so whatever, it happens early, and in a kind of interesting way. But he went and bought a new car that I literally don't fit into. So I basically feel like he still doesn't have a car, because for all practical purposes from my perspective, he doesn't. So now I DO miss his old car and wish it hadn't happened. His new car isn't a bad car, it's just not a car that i want to get into due to the fact that if we were to hit something either both of my femurs would break or my spine would break just behind my neck; I guarantee you one or the other depending on what position I was in at the time. and neither of those are things I would be willing to heal from. Not to mention the claustrophobia and the irritation it produces with that in the back of your mind and the inability to get comfortable. I'm not saying that I can't deal with a small car; I have a which isn't an SUV by any means. I can manage a car this small for maybe an hour once every six months or so but that's about the extent of it. So I don't know what's going to happen with that.
3) Mon soeur. Again. (if I spelled that right) meine schwester (always revert to the language you've taken most recently) I won't elaborate.
and right now that sums it up. I hope everything is going better for the big wide world!
well we'll start with the good news: I rode Gam in the Show jumping Rally yesterday and despite being 21, he did really great and doesn't seem to be lame, sick or choking. we only pulled one rail so I'm proud of that.
1)I realized that I'm much less emotionally resiliant than I used to be. Thursday I got there late for a pony club lesson (because mom didn't tell me what time it was at when I asked her- she has a tendency to ignore answering questions) and Sandy wanted me to do this fairly tough exercise where we had to do a serpentine with two jumps in it pretty close together. and anyway, Gam has never been able to switch leads over a jump. I have worked on it and worked on it and he just doesn't get it. So she's telling me to pull on my inside rein and every time we land he's falling on his inside shoulder when he lands (not falling literally, but not carrying his weight correctly which makes it really hard to get him in to the next jump and is also bad for his joints) and I just feel like I'm driving him into the ground on his forehand, but we keep getting over them, even if it looks disgusting. ANd she keeps asking me if I can feel it working and helping and I'm just like NO! i feel like i'm killing him. and finally he just trips this massive trip like he can when he's on his forehand that feels like it dislocates most of my vertebrae, and I pretty much burst into tears because I don't want to make him lame at 21 two days before a rally. and I just plain love him so much I don't see the point of doing this exercise when I'm not planning on making him an olympic mount anyway. And Sandy of course thinks that I'm getting tired because I'm leaning forward, when really it's just because I've been doing hunter all winter and also because I don't want to hit him in the mouth, and she's not being mean, she just doesn't get it, and I feel bad and it's just shit. She thinks I'm tired and I just don't want to hurt my horse. oh well, whatever. who knows how I became such a fruitcake but it has something to do with upper level examiners, I'm sure of it.
2) for those of you who don't read my bf's journal, his car was burned to a crisp beyond recognizability. It wasn't that big of a deal from my perspective because he was going to be getting a new one this fall anyway (this other car was an 89 and had been having problems for a while) so whatever, it happens early, and in a kind of interesting way. But he went and bought a new car that I literally don't fit into. So I basically feel like he still doesn't have a car, because for all practical purposes from my perspective, he doesn't. So now I DO miss his old car and wish it hadn't happened. His new car isn't a bad car, it's just not a car that i want to get into due to the fact that if we were to hit something either both of my femurs would break or my spine would break just behind my neck; I guarantee you one or the other depending on what position I was in at the time. and neither of those are things I would be willing to heal from. Not to mention the claustrophobia and the irritation it produces with that in the back of your mind and the inability to get comfortable. I'm not saying that I can't deal with a small car; I have a which isn't an SUV by any means. I can manage a car this small for maybe an hour once every six months or so but that's about the extent of it. So I don't know what's going to happen with that.
3) Mon soeur. Again. (if I spelled that right) meine schwester (always revert to the language you've taken most recently) I won't elaborate.
and right now that sums it up. I hope everything is going better for the big wide world!