just came to say goodbye love.
The past few weeks have been hard.
The past few days have been really really hard.
I didn't think it would hit me so soon or bother me so much that the seniors were gone. But by Thursday afternoon I had one of those proverbial dawning realizations that hit me full force and still hasn't gone away. The day pretty much sucked. I wished Jesse was in physics class with me. After school I wasn't any better.
Graduation that night was really good to watch. Beautiful singing performances. Again, it was hard, though. I wanted to scoop up all my boys and carry them off with me, selfishly clinging on and making them forget about any sort of grad party or senior breakfast or coast trip.
Friday was worse. I didn't even go in the dark room, though it was the last day to be open. That's how bad. I was able to purge myself of some things that I really needed to get out. Nothing's gone or fixed or better, but it's out there.
Friday night I decided I would be okay. And I am. But already today things are hard again. It's only been one day, but I want to swoop down on the coast and grab my friends and never let go. It's not that I can't go an antire day without seeing any of them... It's that all of a sudden I feel like I have to hold on so tightly. I know there's the entire summer ahead of us and, practically, I shouldn't be worrying. But, again with the dawning realization. I want to spend every day seeing them. I'm suddenly so afraid of losing something.
Jesse, Eric, and Russell have been the stories of my life throughout high school and even middle school. And Jake has become the love of my life so far. I know I have lots of other friends, that I'm so so thankful for. ...but the past couple days and thoughts of the next short week have been big signs saying "They're not going to be there next year."
And now they're gone until Tuesday. Those fuckers. My life is just a big dark LONELY room. So much angst.
I don't know what to do with myself.
The past few days have been really really hard.
I didn't think it would hit me so soon or bother me so much that the seniors were gone. But by Thursday afternoon I had one of those proverbial dawning realizations that hit me full force and still hasn't gone away. The day pretty much sucked. I wished Jesse was in physics class with me. After school I wasn't any better.
Graduation that night was really good to watch. Beautiful singing performances. Again, it was hard, though. I wanted to scoop up all my boys and carry them off with me, selfishly clinging on and making them forget about any sort of grad party or senior breakfast or coast trip.
Friday was worse. I didn't even go in the dark room, though it was the last day to be open. That's how bad. I was able to purge myself of some things that I really needed to get out. Nothing's gone or fixed or better, but it's out there.
Friday night I decided I would be okay. And I am. But already today things are hard again. It's only been one day, but I want to swoop down on the coast and grab my friends and never let go. It's not that I can't go an antire day without seeing any of them... It's that all of a sudden I feel like I have to hold on so tightly. I know there's the entire summer ahead of us and, practically, I shouldn't be worrying. But, again with the dawning realization. I want to spend every day seeing them. I'm suddenly so afraid of losing something.
Jesse, Eric, and Russell have been the stories of my life throughout high school and even middle school. And Jake has become the love of my life so far. I know I have lots of other friends, that I'm so so thankful for. ...but the past couple days and thoughts of the next short week have been big signs saying "They're not going to be there next year."
And now they're gone until Tuesday. Those fuckers. My life is just a big dark LONELY room. So much angst.
I don't know what to do with myself.