(no subject)

[blood_red_wine]

It's still morning. And I don't have much longer to spend here.
In a room that is my own.

If things weren't going so badly for me, then I wouldn't have a reason or need to be jealous of anyone.
I hate that feeling.
But it sometimes seems that I'm disfavored by the gods, or what have you.
And I try to stay positive. I honest to goodness do.
But I'm in a scary place right now. And I don't know how this is possibly going to work out.

Maybe it is all going to work out, and I'll wonder back to these moments right now and laugh at my past uncertainty.

They didn't have to make me seasonal though.

Send a bit of positive energy this way.

It's difficult to send positive energy outwards when I have not much to feel positive about. And that's why I'm so bitter and broken and fearful and suspicious.
How can I possibly send good things outward when there's nothing in my life that I can even manifest it all from?
I long for some kind of goodness in my life. Some kind of bright yellow warm light.
Something to give me hope that I can be fixed. That I am fixed.
That it's all going to be okay.