I am listening to hear where you are...
I have this neverending hopelessness that just can't escape my head. It's like it is the ultimate truth...and there is nothing beyond meaninglessness. I am bored. I am lonely. What the fuck else is new?
I hate not being able to alter my conciousness. I really do. It makes every moment way too real to handle.
Now your eyes aint moving now, they just lay their in their climb.
I have to put up with new, awful classes. I talked to a bunch of fuckheads today. Why is everyone so retarded? Why am I so retarded?
Why the fuck can't I escape the fact that I am young, therefore I can not be as inteligent as I'd like to be. I fucking KNOW how much I suck...but there is nothing I can do about it.
And now I'm full of self hate. A kind I've never felt before.
I want to leave and become a new person...
A girl called me today but I don't know who it was because my dad's good at asking questions.
If I sleep through one more afternoon...it will be official, I am depressed. And you know...all I really want right now is cheap beer, cigarettes and Bright Eyes and I want to write poetry. Than I would be...sad...but at least life would be barable and that moment would be fufilling and meaningful seeming, unlike the feeling of watching television or eating out of boredome or starving myself out of boredom. Doens't that sound pathetic? It is. It really is. It's like a constant stuggle for entertainment...for a way to escape thought, meloncoly thought.
Life is a meaningless struggle. Why the fuck do we do it?
Because we have to. If we don't, its cheating. Suicide is cheating. It's like flying to the end of a finish line when everyone else has to walk. It just isn't fair.
It's even starting to seem childish to believe in nothing. Like, get over it. But how can you get over it? I mean, I guess it doesn't make much sense to dwell on the shitty things in life...but what if everything you see is shit. what if you can't find any good in anything.
Some how, in some way, everything is devastating...a complete mess thats impossible to clean up but always around.
Thats life.
All I want is love and inner peace. But I feel like even if I got that, all I want...it wouldn't be enough. There is never any satisfaction. Not real satisfaction, not LASTING satisfaction. Just momentary false satisfaction that makes you burst out with laughter but then smacks you across the face letting you know that its somehow wrong.
"I've been trashed by the hope of your body."
There are things you want and things you need. But how can you be happy if you dont' have the things you want? If you only have the things you absolutely need you are soulless. But then again, if you get everything you want...you still wont be completely satisfied because...no matter what...you'll always want, you'll never have enough. Even if you find love, it wont be perfect and you'll just want more and more and theres always more to want. Leaving everyone soulless.
No matter who you are, you are soulless.
I'm going to go to sleep now.
I hate not being able to alter my conciousness. I really do. It makes every moment way too real to handle.
Now your eyes aint moving now, they just lay their in their climb.
I have to put up with new, awful classes. I talked to a bunch of fuckheads today. Why is everyone so retarded? Why am I so retarded?
Why the fuck can't I escape the fact that I am young, therefore I can not be as inteligent as I'd like to be. I fucking KNOW how much I suck...but there is nothing I can do about it.
And now I'm full of self hate. A kind I've never felt before.
I want to leave and become a new person...
A girl called me today but I don't know who it was because my dad's good at asking questions.
If I sleep through one more afternoon...it will be official, I am depressed. And you know...all I really want right now is cheap beer, cigarettes and Bright Eyes and I want to write poetry. Than I would be...sad...but at least life would be barable and that moment would be fufilling and meaningful seeming, unlike the feeling of watching television or eating out of boredome or starving myself out of boredom. Doens't that sound pathetic? It is. It really is. It's like a constant stuggle for entertainment...for a way to escape thought, meloncoly thought.
Life is a meaningless struggle. Why the fuck do we do it?
Because we have to. If we don't, its cheating. Suicide is cheating. It's like flying to the end of a finish line when everyone else has to walk. It just isn't fair.
It's even starting to seem childish to believe in nothing. Like, get over it. But how can you get over it? I mean, I guess it doesn't make much sense to dwell on the shitty things in life...but what if everything you see is shit. what if you can't find any good in anything.
Some how, in some way, everything is devastating...a complete mess thats impossible to clean up but always around.
Thats life.
All I want is love and inner peace. But I feel like even if I got that, all I want...it wouldn't be enough. There is never any satisfaction. Not real satisfaction, not LASTING satisfaction. Just momentary false satisfaction that makes you burst out with laughter but then smacks you across the face letting you know that its somehow wrong.
"I've been trashed by the hope of your body."
There are things you want and things you need. But how can you be happy if you dont' have the things you want? If you only have the things you absolutely need you are soulless. But then again, if you get everything you want...you still wont be completely satisfied because...no matter what...you'll always want, you'll never have enough. Even if you find love, it wont be perfect and you'll just want more and more and theres always more to want. Leaving everyone soulless.
No matter who you are, you are soulless.
I'm going to go to sleep now.