Application: Elric of Melnibone (the Elric Saga)
A strangely-dressed albino pushed his long, milk-white hair back from his face, staring about the room with wide, cat-like eyes of deep crimson. His eldritch features marked him as one of the line of ancient Melnibone, which he was soon to learn would mean very little here. The muscles in his lithe body tensed in expectation as he surveyed the room. He tossed back his mauve cloak, and wrapped pale, slender fingers about the hilt of a massive black sword at his side, which murmured in quiet irritation. His mail shirt clinked quietly beneath a tunic of split green and yellow, covered by a breastplate of dark metal. It was in fact an abysmal outfit, but he was in one of his unfortunate moods that favored barbarian fashion again. His eyes locked on the parchment at the table, but he glared at it, whispering, "Where are we, Stormbringer? What foul games are at play?"
After about ten minutes stalking around the room, finding no evident exits, all the while murmuring to his sword about the machinations of Chaos, he sat down cross-legged in the center. He focused his mind on the ancient pacts of his ancestors, trying to send his consciousness through strange spaces to contact the intellects of elemental spirits. After staring into space and mumbling strange incantations for at least fifteen minutes, he arose in fury. His incantations were ineffective here, so he knew he was no longer on his home plane.
"Who would toy with Elric of Melnibone? Show yourself, strange sorceror or creature of Chaos! Know that I have destroyed cities and drank the souls of gods! Return me to my own plane now, I demand it!" The albino's rage mounted as nothing answered his shouted demands, and he screamed, "Arioch! Arioch! Aide your servant now!" After this, he beat his fists against a wall, shouting out the name of his demon patron a few more times, before collapsing near the table in a sullen heap. He was already miserable, having found nothing but more anguish in Tanelorn, and now found himself swept away to yet another plane, that he probably wouldn't remember later, as often occurred.
It was only after sitting there another ten minutes that the angst-ridden albino turned his attention to the paper, having exhausted his usual regiment of responses to an unexpected planar shift on one of his frequent depressive days. One hand lingered on the pommel of his sword as he picked up the pen. It seemed to him that the sword was upset. It felt weakened on this plane, giving him almost nothing in the way of its stolen life-force.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Elric frowned with irritation. What sort of question was this?
Cheese? Why do you ask me about cheese? I am Elric of Melnibone, and the cheese of the Melnibonean emperors will never be tasted again! The city of my ancestors lies in a heap of rubble, and it was I that brought about its doom! I have ridden the winds with my dragon brothers, and I have destroyed demons, gods, and all those that I have ever loved! And you ask me about cheese? Why must you torment me with the memories of Melnibone?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
This fiendish mockery could only be a device of Chaos! What was the purpose of these questions?
You ask about cheese, and force me to recall the fall of Melnibone, the death of my beloved Cymoril by my own treacherous blade, and now you ask me who I would kill? If you seek to use me as your executioner, know that I am doomed, and carry a grim fate. My sword makes its own choices, and, it forces my hand without discrimination!
3. What time is it where you are?
Tell me who you are, and tell me where I am! If this is a plane of Chaos, how can there be time here? Release me, or face me, and answer my questions, or my sword!
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The albino's eyes widen with anguish on reading the question, and he drops the pen, clutching at his milky locks as he murmurs, "Cymoril! Oh Cymoril! If only you could return! But even the most powerful necromancy could return your soul, consumed by the unholy hunger of my own accursed blade!" He doesn't answer the question.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartend? In the dark? Why do you assault me with foolish questions? I am the last emperor of Melnibone and have witnessed the death of gods! My fate is not to bartend, and there is no way I can escape it!
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Love brings only pain, and he should marry neither one of them! What if he learns that he too is fated to destroy all those that he loves? Why must you continue to torment me with memories of my beloved Cymoril? Such a cruel game must be the work of Chaos!
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The lineage of Melnibone is ancient beyond memory. Our ancestors of R'lin K'ren A'a walked with demons themselves, and, you call us "you guys" and consult me for our knowledge of paperwork? Entropy will be the final end of all things, of desks, of love, and of worlds.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
If I were useless, I would have found the comforting embrace of death by now! But I cannot, for I am Elric of Melnibone, and fated to carry Stormbringer to my final doom. If only I were useless, I could escape this miserable destiny, but I cannot.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I have been torn from my home for whatever purposes, and you torment me with insane questions? What do I have to offer you but my anguish, my suffering! It must be those that you seek, so be satiated! You have caused enough of both already.
The last emperor of Melnibone dropped the pen, and sank down beside the desk, holding his head in his hands, and looking like a garishly-dressed picture of misery.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Elric of Melnibone__
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __Elric of Melnibone__
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Elric of Melnibone__
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Elric of Melnibone__
((The mun apologies for the epic levels of emo that Elric has inflicted on this application, and understands if he needs to be confined to a small, dark broom closet so that his unhealthy obsession with his own doom doesn't destroy the morale of Hogwarts. He's having one of his bad days. Unfortunately, he has these relatively often.))
After about ten minutes stalking around the room, finding no evident exits, all the while murmuring to his sword about the machinations of Chaos, he sat down cross-legged in the center. He focused his mind on the ancient pacts of his ancestors, trying to send his consciousness through strange spaces to contact the intellects of elemental spirits. After staring into space and mumbling strange incantations for at least fifteen minutes, he arose in fury. His incantations were ineffective here, so he knew he was no longer on his home plane.
"Who would toy with Elric of Melnibone? Show yourself, strange sorceror or creature of Chaos! Know that I have destroyed cities and drank the souls of gods! Return me to my own plane now, I demand it!" The albino's rage mounted as nothing answered his shouted demands, and he screamed, "Arioch! Arioch! Aide your servant now!" After this, he beat his fists against a wall, shouting out the name of his demon patron a few more times, before collapsing near the table in a sullen heap. He was already miserable, having found nothing but more anguish in Tanelorn, and now found himself swept away to yet another plane, that he probably wouldn't remember later, as often occurred.
It was only after sitting there another ten minutes that the angst-ridden albino turned his attention to the paper, having exhausted his usual regiment of responses to an unexpected planar shift on one of his frequent depressive days. One hand lingered on the pommel of his sword as he picked up the pen. It seemed to him that the sword was upset. It felt weakened on this plane, giving him almost nothing in the way of its stolen life-force.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Elric frowned with irritation. What sort of question was this?
Cheese? Why do you ask me about cheese? I am Elric of Melnibone, and the cheese of the Melnibonean emperors will never be tasted again! The city of my ancestors lies in a heap of rubble, and it was I that brought about its doom! I have ridden the winds with my dragon brothers, and I have destroyed demons, gods, and all those that I have ever loved! And you ask me about cheese? Why must you torment me with the memories of Melnibone?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
This fiendish mockery could only be a device of Chaos! What was the purpose of these questions?
You ask about cheese, and force me to recall the fall of Melnibone, the death of my beloved Cymoril by my own treacherous blade, and now you ask me who I would kill? If you seek to use me as your executioner, know that I am doomed, and carry a grim fate. My sword makes its own choices, and, it forces my hand without discrimination!
3. What time is it where you are?
Tell me who you are, and tell me where I am! If this is a plane of Chaos, how can there be time here? Release me, or face me, and answer my questions, or my sword!
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The albino's eyes widen with anguish on reading the question, and he drops the pen, clutching at his milky locks as he murmurs, "Cymoril! Oh Cymoril! If only you could return! But even the most powerful necromancy could return your soul, consumed by the unholy hunger of my own accursed blade!" He doesn't answer the question.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartend? In the dark? Why do you assault me with foolish questions? I am the last emperor of Melnibone and have witnessed the death of gods! My fate is not to bartend, and there is no way I can escape it!
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Love brings only pain, and he should marry neither one of them! What if he learns that he too is fated to destroy all those that he loves? Why must you continue to torment me with memories of my beloved Cymoril? Such a cruel game must be the work of Chaos!
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The lineage of Melnibone is ancient beyond memory. Our ancestors of R'lin K'ren A'a walked with demons themselves, and, you call us "you guys" and consult me for our knowledge of paperwork? Entropy will be the final end of all things, of desks, of love, and of worlds.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
If I were useless, I would have found the comforting embrace of death by now! But I cannot, for I am Elric of Melnibone, and fated to carry Stormbringer to my final doom. If only I were useless, I could escape this miserable destiny, but I cannot.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I have been torn from my home for whatever purposes, and you torment me with insane questions? What do I have to offer you but my anguish, my suffering! It must be those that you seek, so be satiated! You have caused enough of both already.
The last emperor of Melnibone dropped the pen, and sank down beside the desk, holding his head in his hands, and looking like a garishly-dressed picture of misery.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Elric of Melnibone__
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __Elric of Melnibone__
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Elric of Melnibone__
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Elric of Melnibone__
((The mun apologies for the epic levels of emo that Elric has inflicted on this application, and understands if he needs to be confined to a small, dark broom closet so that his unhealthy obsession with his own doom doesn't destroy the morale of Hogwarts. He's having one of his bad days. Unfortunately, he has these relatively often.))