I'm up to two of my 5 whinings a day.
The situation with Helen of the best friend variety is starting to really depress me. She left a 3 year relationship after many months of trying (and long talks with me) and promptly stopped talking to me. I message her a few weeks ago after hearing that she's been bad mouthing Greg and I said(in less confrontational terms) "What's going on?"
I received a huge great message listing every way she feels I've wronged her in the last 18 months. I try my best to defend myself and my actions, and apologise where it's due, but honestly past the 6 month mark I barely remember half of what she's talking about. Her complaint is mainly that if we've gone out, sometimes we've met up with who I'm seeing at the time. She feels that this is a blow to her, as we rarely get to see one another. Am I insane for thinking a half hour meet up between two people I care about isn't beyond the realm of reason, nor a personal slight to her company?
I don't feel like I have a best friend at the moment, more somebody who resents our every exchange of words and lies to me about her opinions on my boyfriend. I've been with Greg for months and never heard anything other than "Awh, how sweet!" and "He's much better than Sean." What else was I supposed to divine from that deceptive mush, other than that she approves and is glad I'm happy? She doesn't have to like him. The joy of a best friend is being able to have one person from whom you'll get a truly honest opinion. I invited her to a night of wine and movies at Greg's house (but with many other people in attendance!) to get her mind off the break up:
"To be honest, being around a smoochy couple
isn't really what I wanted."
That was a blow to me! Talking about a break up very soon after is often painful, but hanging out with a group of new people can be liberating and fun and that was my only aim. All that makes me think is that she was determined to be bitter and reject any offer of help or solace, which I get. Break ups make everybody a bit Satis House for a while. To try and pin her reasons for declining the offer on my supposed insensitivity was what really hurt, though.
I don't think I'm a bad friend, but a bolt from the blue like this can play tricks on you. I have no idea if I deserve her resentment, or if she deserves my anger. It would have taken her less time and effort to message me about each of these incidents as they occurred, rather than save them all up for a vague guilt bomb 18 months down the line.
I received a huge great message listing every way she feels I've wronged her in the last 18 months. I try my best to defend myself and my actions, and apologise where it's due, but honestly past the 6 month mark I barely remember half of what she's talking about. Her complaint is mainly that if we've gone out, sometimes we've met up with who I'm seeing at the time. She feels that this is a blow to her, as we rarely get to see one another. Am I insane for thinking a half hour meet up between two people I care about isn't beyond the realm of reason, nor a personal slight to her company?
I don't feel like I have a best friend at the moment, more somebody who resents our every exchange of words and lies to me about her opinions on my boyfriend. I've been with Greg for months and never heard anything other than "Awh, how sweet!" and "He's much better than Sean." What else was I supposed to divine from that deceptive mush, other than that she approves and is glad I'm happy? She doesn't have to like him. The joy of a best friend is being able to have one person from whom you'll get a truly honest opinion. I invited her to a night of wine and movies at Greg's house (but with many other people in attendance!) to get her mind off the break up:
"To be honest, being around a smoochy couple
isn't really what I wanted."
That was a blow to me! Talking about a break up very soon after is often painful, but hanging out with a group of new people can be liberating and fun and that was my only aim. All that makes me think is that she was determined to be bitter and reject any offer of help or solace, which I get. Break ups make everybody a bit Satis House for a while. To try and pin her reasons for declining the offer on my supposed insensitivity was what really hurt, though.
I don't think I'm a bad friend, but a bolt from the blue like this can play tricks on you. I have no idea if I deserve her resentment, or if she deserves my anger. It would have taken her less time and effort to message me about each of these incidents as they occurred, rather than save them all up for a vague guilt bomb 18 months down the line.