Life is satisfying despite some shitty situations
Life has been alright I guess. School it repetitive and seems more like a habit. I am actually enjoying it more now that I am staying a few hours after I am done with my classes to hang out with my friends. WORK....well its stressful...working with children is a pain in the ass sometimes, especially at the site I have been moved too. They have me teaching them Reading...wtf...I have no idea why but I'll go with it. My social life is satisfying, I have great friends and go out plenty...life goes by so fast, I really am lacking in time spent with some of my friends...its not that I don't care about them any more or less than the others...IDK what it is. Last minute plans alway are the way things come into my life usually, but still few call to make plans besides the usual friends, I guess everyone always figures I already have plans...guess what call me I might not, and if I do then we can make plans for later. I miss some of my friends a lot. I have been going to the beach a lot...yay...I love the beach. Life is just satisfying...I actually don't feel lost of life when I stay home with my family or by my self...it feels good now...relaxing and diffrent. I go out so frequently its good to just hang out sometimes. If you just keep going and going like I do it kills you. I think I might go fishing with my cousins off a pier this weekend. I sure hope so I love fishing, but I never have been pier fishing. I'm always up for trying new things. I love to experience new things and am usually up for whatever, I'm really uptight huh...lol...not. I am really laid-back and easy going. Blah blah blah...oh yea just so you know guys suck...I would LOVE to meet one who will prove me diffrent. Oh and speaking of boys I ended up hanging out with my ex and his new love and his friends the other day...interesting...no feeling flowing back like some might think...whats in the past is in the past, we did break-up for a reason. Its just good to not have a stupid fucking hate between eachother. Ralph has proved to me what a fucking retarded asshole he is though, remember how he said he didn't want his personal life of myspace so me couldn't put that he was in a relationship on his myspace...never believed that bullshit for a minute...ne ways he has a new girlfriend and his status on myspace is in a relationship. WTF is wrong with me that he didn't want people to know about me...you know what it is..nothing hes a fuck tard. I was a much better girlfriend to him than I ever should have been...I helpped his clean his grandmothers entire house (he was living there and had to move cause she was comming back)...oh and trust me is was a hugeeeeeeee mess. I skipped studying a fucking test to go pick his up alllll the way at his far ass job..yea at least 30 to 40 minutes away from he...cause his truck fucked up...then I took and picked him up from work a few times....I took him to get the truck fixed a few times....and check up on it. I took him out after we were "on break" cause he had nothing to do. Oh and new years when we were together he was more interested in naked ugly lesbians having sex than me upset...yea I didn't care as much when he was just watching but once he was taking pictures and coaching them...thats a little to far...sorry sweetie your not single...and hanging on them is inapropriate. Even the single men there were not acting like such fucking jerks. sooo yea cause I am too forgiving and try to be understanding I forgave him and his stupid "I was an asshole, I'm really sorry, I was drunk, we both did things we usually wouldn't do, lets promise eachother never to drink" excuse....fuck off I am stupid. Ohh then he decided he needed to go on a date with his ex who confessed her undying love for him...(even though he said they didn't talk ne more which proved to be a lie) to see if he wanted to be with her or me cause I was just a fucking rebound...yea fuck you asshole...I deserve better...and because I am understanding I forgave him...fuck it man I fell for him...thennn guess what the fucking girl was playing games with him and stood him up...who did he call...me cause he knows I'd be there for him. USER...I am too nice sometimes...once I finnally opened up to him and told him everything I felt for him...how much I loved him and the fears and concerns I had for him...then all he could say is that heyy I don't know what to say I don't love you...yea it was FINNALLY over...FUCK I know, I know I am stupid...it was over longer before I ended it. I guess I just don't deserve someone who will be good to me...idk what it is but I guess I am undesireable...but I am not gonna be walked all over ne more though...I have a lot to offer..and unless someone can see that...they don't deserve it. Will someone please tell me when someone will come around to be my love and treat me as good as I treat them.