helloooo
Well hey, it's been a long time. I really do wish I posted more. I check my friends page every few days and always get excited whenever Emily or Hannah post anything. And I mean, I should probably return the favor sometime! Hopefully, I'll be motivated to most more in the future..maybe not while still in school, but I think I'm going to try to get back into it this summer. But for now, I need to talk a little bit, and it probably won't be very happy, so sorry to disappoint if anyone reads this.
I could go on and on and on about everything stressful, crazy, emotional, etc that is going on in my life right now. But I'm pretty sure I could have close to a whole novel. Seriously. Or at the very least a few hefty chapters. Idk. On saturday night, I was deeply worried about the emotional well being of one of my friends (and later in the night another, but I was already drunk at that point). And I was like just freaking out in my room by myself and I couldn't calm down..and then to make matters worse, all the phi rho stuff that went down sunday..as if I wasn't 100% sure I needed to see a therapist, I'm now 150% sure. I'm very sad with my sorority right now, which doesn't really help me in dealing with all the other social's bullshit and just assuming that I'm less busy than her all the time. I don't know what happened this semester..I don't know how I some how got so much more stuff put on my plate. I mean, it's clearly more stuff than last semester, but when and how did that happen? why are classes going so poorly for me this semester? I mean at this point, I'll be lucky to get an A in like two classes at the most..and that's just lucky, not a guarantee. But going back to phi rho, I wish I wasn't so sad about it because I was so happy about it a few days ago..sisterhood retreat was so good, and Kelsey and I finally decided on a new roommate for next year and I adore her because I really just started talking to her a few weeks ago and I think she'll be great to live with. but no. something always ruins the good mood.
The next little bit is from a saved draft that popped up when I went to write what is above. I thought I'd post it now because it interested me what I wrote. and I honestly kind of still feel the same way. Maybe I should have posted it after all. It's from about a month ago, when I went home for the night and was dealing with a semi-lame friend zone "break up":
"Should I just give up or should I fight for what I want? The problem with fighting is that I'm starting to feel too scared to fight..I almost want someone to tell me (and mean it) to take the leap and fight for what it. But at the same time, giving up now probably will make my life less stressful.
I think I've about lost my faith in relationships completely. Well at least boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It's just..not for me I guess. It always feels right but something always goes incredibly wrong. However, on the other unfortunate side of things, I absolutely despise flings, so I guess I just won't be dating anyone. Which I mean whatever, it'd just be nice to find someone wh"
it'd just be nice to find someone who...I wonder how I was going to end that sentence. And Lani, no, no I was not going to end it with "is a ginger hipster" haha.
so more sometime soon perhaps. we'll see. I have to either sleep or write a lab report now. which oh yeah by the way, I also don't really sleep anymore too. yay for 3 hours last night and 3 hours tonight!
I could go on and on and on about everything stressful, crazy, emotional, etc that is going on in my life right now. But I'm pretty sure I could have close to a whole novel. Seriously. Or at the very least a few hefty chapters. Idk. On saturday night, I was deeply worried about the emotional well being of one of my friends (and later in the night another, but I was already drunk at that point). And I was like just freaking out in my room by myself and I couldn't calm down..and then to make matters worse, all the phi rho stuff that went down sunday..as if I wasn't 100% sure I needed to see a therapist, I'm now 150% sure. I'm very sad with my sorority right now, which doesn't really help me in dealing with all the other social's bullshit and just assuming that I'm less busy than her all the time. I don't know what happened this semester..I don't know how I some how got so much more stuff put on my plate. I mean, it's clearly more stuff than last semester, but when and how did that happen? why are classes going so poorly for me this semester? I mean at this point, I'll be lucky to get an A in like two classes at the most..and that's just lucky, not a guarantee. But going back to phi rho, I wish I wasn't so sad about it because I was so happy about it a few days ago..sisterhood retreat was so good, and Kelsey and I finally decided on a new roommate for next year and I adore her because I really just started talking to her a few weeks ago and I think she'll be great to live with. but no. something always ruins the good mood.
The next little bit is from a saved draft that popped up when I went to write what is above. I thought I'd post it now because it interested me what I wrote. and I honestly kind of still feel the same way. Maybe I should have posted it after all. It's from about a month ago, when I went home for the night and was dealing with a semi-lame friend zone "break up":
"Should I just give up or should I fight for what I want? The problem with fighting is that I'm starting to feel too scared to fight..I almost want someone to tell me (and mean it) to take the leap and fight for what it. But at the same time, giving up now probably will make my life less stressful.
I think I've about lost my faith in relationships completely. Well at least boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It's just..not for me I guess. It always feels right but something always goes incredibly wrong. However, on the other unfortunate side of things, I absolutely despise flings, so I guess I just won't be dating anyone. Which I mean whatever, it'd just be nice to find someone wh"
it'd just be nice to find someone who...I wonder how I was going to end that sentence. And Lani, no, no I was not going to end it with "is a ginger hipster" haha.
so more sometime soon perhaps. we'll see. I have to either sleep or write a lab report now. which oh yeah by the way, I also don't really sleep anymore too. yay for 3 hours last night and 3 hours tonight!