Down, down, down, pick me up im falling
havent toldu just how much i love u
only by dreamin i show my feelings
havent told u just how much i love u
time for revealing..
its nice to know that i atleast one person to talk to about what im going through right now. even if i dont know exactly what it is.
i cant stop eating lately.
i eat until im sick.
it scares me.
i cant stop.
i feel so lost in crowds.. and i know ive said this thousands of times before but i really and truly feel like this.
everythings just spiraling out of control.
how can i want someone to like/love me when im like this? i want so desperatly to love someone else when i cant even love myself. its crazy. im sick of this anymore. i just feel so worthless.
why doesnt anyone believe me? i come home. sleep. eat. eat. eat.
my life is like a never ending battle.
like right now im talkin to cigi. well more im talkin shes listening i guess.. and like.. i just lost it for a minute. i told her about eveerything im scared of right now.. well one thing. and like she seems to help. i think its just like.. support? yeah. thats all i think i need. im a mental case. i have no idea why i expected to tell one person that i liked someone (well a lot of people cuz most people figured it out from the entries) and just have that person snap into a surreal reality and realize that they liked me too.. even though they dont/wont/couldnt.. who could like me? i feel so retarded right now.. if that person figures this out.. might have already.. but still im gonna feel like a total idiot. everything i think is so unlogical. hes a better fit with her anyways. u deserve him more than i do. u love urself so u are able to love others. i love others and hate myself.. cant believe i ever even thought i had a chance.
here i am beating myself up. and i dont even understand why. ugh i hope people come through soon im dying here.. this weekend i have gotta get rid of all of this. i need to live. have some fun. it wont happen but hey i can dream. eh there are only 2 things i can say that i do and have ever loved in this world.. and thats last chance and 3D.. eh yeah i know.. i need help. ive said this so many times before.. but no one seems to care. or believe me for that matter. im too strong for this.. too smart to be like this.. right? thats what my family says when they tell me to shut up b/c my sisters issues are more important. im just here. the trophy daughter. whose feelings dont matter to anyone but herself. eh i wish i had a dad. but i love the family i got. their supportive. but i just dont think i can talk to them about this stuff. its crazy but thats just how i feel. ugh another day no homework done.. maybe if the grades drop enough theyll catch on? doubt it.
laterz. please enjoy this piece of pain.
I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this
only by dreamin i show my feelings
havent told u just how much i love u
time for revealing..
its nice to know that i atleast one person to talk to about what im going through right now. even if i dont know exactly what it is.
i cant stop eating lately.
i eat until im sick.
it scares me.
i cant stop.
i feel so lost in crowds.. and i know ive said this thousands of times before but i really and truly feel like this.
everythings just spiraling out of control.
how can i want someone to like/love me when im like this? i want so desperatly to love someone else when i cant even love myself. its crazy. im sick of this anymore. i just feel so worthless.
why doesnt anyone believe me? i come home. sleep. eat. eat. eat.
my life is like a never ending battle.
like right now im talkin to cigi. well more im talkin shes listening i guess.. and like.. i just lost it for a minute. i told her about eveerything im scared of right now.. well one thing. and like she seems to help. i think its just like.. support? yeah. thats all i think i need. im a mental case. i have no idea why i expected to tell one person that i liked someone (well a lot of people cuz most people figured it out from the entries) and just have that person snap into a surreal reality and realize that they liked me too.. even though they dont/wont/couldnt.. who could like me? i feel so retarded right now.. if that person figures this out.. might have already.. but still im gonna feel like a total idiot. everything i think is so unlogical. hes a better fit with her anyways. u deserve him more than i do. u love urself so u are able to love others. i love others and hate myself.. cant believe i ever even thought i had a chance.
here i am beating myself up. and i dont even understand why. ugh i hope people come through soon im dying here.. this weekend i have gotta get rid of all of this. i need to live. have some fun. it wont happen but hey i can dream. eh there are only 2 things i can say that i do and have ever loved in this world.. and thats last chance and 3D.. eh yeah i know.. i need help. ive said this so many times before.. but no one seems to care. or believe me for that matter. im too strong for this.. too smart to be like this.. right? thats what my family says when they tell me to shut up b/c my sisters issues are more important. im just here. the trophy daughter. whose feelings dont matter to anyone but herself. eh i wish i had a dad. but i love the family i got. their supportive. but i just dont think i can talk to them about this stuff. its crazy but thats just how i feel. ugh another day no homework done.. maybe if the grades drop enough theyll catch on? doubt it.
laterz. please enjoy this piece of pain.
I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this