(no subject)
i started wearing a mood ring today.. hoping that it would let me see what i feel, but i cant tell if it works b/c i dont know how i feel. im going through a rough time right now, and none of my "friends" seem to have the time to listen, and i dont want them to start talking about me liek they do about other people.. i dont want anyone to think im crazy or anything, i just.. i just dont know what to feel.. im really confused. ive been thinking about david lately, dont know why, i guess i just cant believe that he would say that shit about me when liek he was so nice before.. but yea ionno.. maybe i am an ugly bitch.. maybe he didnt even say that stuff.. but until i know for sure i dont know what to do.. and this whole chris thing.. i dont see it happening anytime soon or ever.. i think im just trying to find someone to replace what ive lost, and the ones that i really would want something to have happened with are probably gone for good.. brandon was a really coo guy.. but i was too shy back then and i guess i was scared to tell him i lieked him and shit but yeah ionno
everyone i have ever loved has gone away.. for some reason every time i say this i think of Shadow.. she was my puppy.. i loved her sooo much.. but i let myself get too attached and dependant upon her.. so after 7months.. i was too lazy to open the door.. so she was hit by a motorcycle.. i feel so guilty about it, bit was alll my fault.. so now i feel as if im neglecting Chance because Im afraid to get attached to him.. even if he is a dog.. but yeah.. and all of this is further rooted into my abandonment issues..
i mean HELL!! i have to take a damn blanket with me whenever i go somewhere or else i cant sleep how fuckin gay is that?! i just feel so lost sometimes that the blanket is kinda liek a familiar ground.. that brings me back to reality..
i wanna stand out! i dont wanna be like everyone else.. if i ever get married.. the whole thing is gonna be black-and-white... aww yeah but i dont wanna do what everyone else does.. i dont wanna be who everyone else is.. i wanna be me.. i wanna be different.. same is boring.. different is in!? try it!!
people who follow others annoy me.. even tho i used to be liek that.. but now it just annoys me.. its liek.. why the hell would u change who you are just to fit in with those people? i mean why conform yourself to another way of living just because everyone else thinks you would be better of being more like them?
I wanna play hockey, I wanna act, I wanna play on the football team I mean DAMN i could murder our football team seriously! I might be a girl and shit.. but liek Im not a wimp or anything Im really strong.. I was brought up that way.. if i wasnt strong i would have been dead and gone by now.. ive been livign my life trying to fit into a mold in order to fight all of these stereotypes..when all along ive been denying myself of what i wanna really do.. who i really am.. but damn no matter how gay it seems i wanna go to semi :-\ lol its just another lil quirk i have of wanting to be accepted.. yet wanting to not care that im not...
i look around the damn room and i see all these faces, and all i think about is 'is she skinnier than me?' 'if i looked like her would he like me?' 'how the hell could he liek her more than me?'
ugh im losing it sorry.. enjoy readin ill catch u tomorrow when ill have much more to go on about
everyone i have ever loved has gone away.. for some reason every time i say this i think of Shadow.. she was my puppy.. i loved her sooo much.. but i let myself get too attached and dependant upon her.. so after 7months.. i was too lazy to open the door.. so she was hit by a motorcycle.. i feel so guilty about it, bit was alll my fault.. so now i feel as if im neglecting Chance because Im afraid to get attached to him.. even if he is a dog.. but yeah.. and all of this is further rooted into my abandonment issues..
i mean HELL!! i have to take a damn blanket with me whenever i go somewhere or else i cant sleep how fuckin gay is that?! i just feel so lost sometimes that the blanket is kinda liek a familiar ground.. that brings me back to reality..
i wanna stand out! i dont wanna be like everyone else.. if i ever get married.. the whole thing is gonna be black-and-white... aww yeah but i dont wanna do what everyone else does.. i dont wanna be who everyone else is.. i wanna be me.. i wanna be different.. same is boring.. different is in!? try it!!
people who follow others annoy me.. even tho i used to be liek that.. but now it just annoys me.. its liek.. why the hell would u change who you are just to fit in with those people? i mean why conform yourself to another way of living just because everyone else thinks you would be better of being more like them?
I wanna play hockey, I wanna act, I wanna play on the football team I mean DAMN i could murder our football team seriously! I might be a girl and shit.. but liek Im not a wimp or anything Im really strong.. I was brought up that way.. if i wasnt strong i would have been dead and gone by now.. ive been livign my life trying to fit into a mold in order to fight all of these stereotypes..when all along ive been denying myself of what i wanna really do.. who i really am.. but damn no matter how gay it seems i wanna go to semi :-\ lol its just another lil quirk i have of wanting to be accepted.. yet wanting to not care that im not...
i look around the damn room and i see all these faces, and all i think about is 'is she skinnier than me?' 'if i looked like her would he like me?' 'how the hell could he liek her more than me?'
ugh im losing it sorry.. enjoy readin ill catch u tomorrow when ill have much more to go on about