May 14, 2005 23:25
Everytime I think of you I cry...
You know who you are and you know where you should be...
You should be here with me...
Holding me...
Kissing me...
Telling me not to do it...
Not to end my life...
That this is wroth living...
That you love me...
That you care...
That know one wants me to do this...
You are the only one I care about though...
The last times I have tried it I failed...
It was never deep enough...
It was never a high enough dose...
Maybe there is a reason it never worked how I wanted it...
Maybe there is a different way that this is supposed to work out...
Maybe we will end up together and have a house with a white picket fence...
Yeah that will never happen...
I lost my chance...
It was taken away from me...
I lost it and will never get it back...
No matter how much I want it...
I would die for that again...
But instead I am left here alone...
To contimplate this by myself...
No one to stop me but me...
Hopefully it works out how it should...
I wonder what my luck will be like this time around...
I guess we will find out
Wow... Okay so that came out of no where... I don't know how I came up with that but I guess it was in there somewhere... Somewhere deep inside that messed up head of mine... I don't know what is going on anymore... I feel so dazed and confused... I am lost and can't find myself... No one can find me... I am lost in this swirling black hole and no one can save me from its grasp... I am trying to swim my way out but evertime I take a breath I get sucked back in... Then when I almost think I am going to die from suffication... It lets me back up for one last breath... It goes on like this untill I fall asleep and then it happens again... When I dream I dream of it... When I wake I see it first in the morning... I can't live like this anymore... I can't deal with it... I can't handle feeling like this for one more day... I hope I get over this... Or maybe it will never end... Maybe it will always be like this... Maybe this is how live is supposed to be... Maybe I am supposed to die young and alone from some freak o.d, slice, or drug use... Who even knows... I guess that is it... I know not where this came form... Or where I thought of writing this... But here it is... All out on the table... Nothing left behind... Unlike me... Left behind like normal... In this deep swirling hole... That I can not get myself out of... Not without you help