Old vs. New DSotM
I raised my eyes from my knees and looked across the plaza at the reflection of the clock in one of the windows. Only a minute or two remained in my time on this planet. The sun was shining brightly now, beckoning me. I rose and walked to the entrance of the alley. A few feet from the end I stopped, looking down at the line before my feet. How ironic that to end it all I would have to cross this shadow line, stepping from darkness into light. It was the extinguishing of Bella’s light that drove me here at all.
The hands of the clock clicked another minute off, one more to go. The plaza was full now, and a small family stopped right in front of me. No one would be hurt except me - the best end I could hope for. I silently apologized to Alice again, wishing she didn’t have to see this, and I slowly unbuttoned my shirt.
For just a moment I thought of my family. They would miss me, I knew that, but they were all complete. They had each other for comfort, and now they would no longer worry about me - the odd man out. This was best for them as well.
I only wished I could thank Carlisle for giving me this life. He’d never stopped questioning himself about me, and though I was at the end, I now knew that he had bestowed on me the greatest gift. Because of him I’d met Bella and experienced heaven, even if it was only for a moment. That was worth everything, and I wished he would know that.
My shirt fell to my feet as I heard the hands of the clock shift again and the first chime ring out. It was only two steps to the sun - to the end - and I closed my eyes and found Bella for these last seconds.
I sorted through the images, choosing which ones would take me down this final path. The first was one of the most recent; we were watching Romeo and Juliet, and my arms were wrapped around her. I smiled as I remembered how she reacted when I whispered the words in her ear. Her tears at the end were priceless and unfortunately prophetic; and now Romeo’s story was mine. The clock tolled again.
The scene in my mind changed, and Bella stood before me, a beautiful woman, dressed in the most amazing blue dress I’d ever seen. Even with one leg in a cast, she was incredible, and I remembered how her scent mingled with the flowers that I carefully placed in her hair. Another deep chime sounded.
The memory of the prom continued: the fear in her eyes at the thought of dancing, then the joy that filled them as she started to really enjoy herself. She clung to me tightly, pressing her body against mine, her heart flying. There was nothing that could rival the beauty of that moment. Again the clock called me.
Knowing that Bella would be the last thing I would see created a calm in me I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I remembered how she would stroke my hair and my face, her touch lighter than a feather’s. The memory of the electricity I felt every time we made contact sent a shiver through me. Even through her fingertips I could feel the warmth she radiated and the life-giving rhythm of her heart. The way she had accepted me so completely would remain a mystery. The clock tolled again, and I listened to her voice.
“I love you, Edward,” she whispered in my mind. So many times she’d said it, sometimes quietly, sometimes laughingly, and yet every time the words filled me with a serenity that was indescribable. I listened to her laugh, how it too was warm and rich, so full of life. The sound of her breathing, her heartbeat, filled my mental ears, together giving me little clues into her thoughts when her words didn’t. The chiming of the clock briefly interfered with the sounds in my memory.
I never did find a way to read her thoughts, but her face told me nearly enough that it didn’t matter. Bella’s lovely, expressive face mirrored her thoughts constantly, reacting to every word or touch. Her eyes were such a rich brown, so deep. When she smiled, they twinkled and sparkled as brown eyes never had before. When she looked at me, her eyes enveloped me with her love, pulled me to her like a magnet. …and she thought that I dazzled her… The clock continued its tolling - only a few chimes left.
For a brief moment I considered my life before Bella, but there was nothing that could compare to how she’d affected me in those few short months. Everything else was meaningless, as was a future without her. Only my time with her mattered to me - only then did I truly live. “I love you, Edward,” she said again in my memory, “I’ll always love you.”
As another chime beckoned me toward the end, I remembered Carlisle’s words on that fateful day. “How could there not be more for one such as Edward,” he’d told Bella. My mind drifted again, and I imagined that he could be right - that some how, some way, Bella would be the one to greet me in whatever came after this… life. Faintly I heard her again, calling me, “Edward…” Her voice, though quiet, was different; it was as if she was here with me, beckoning me. I took a step closer to the end as the clock bellowed another chime.
“Edward, look at me,” she called, louder this time; and the sound was so real that I couldn’t stifle my smile. One more step, and I would find out if she really was there, waiting, or if there would just be nothing. Before I could complete the stride, something soft fell into my arms.
Automatically my arms wrapped around…her? A fragrance that I never thought I would smell again drifted to me, and I felt her warmth fill my chest. Could it really be her? No, my mind must be playing tricks. I slowly opened my eyes to see who I held as the chimes sounded again.
It was Bella…
There was a heaven after all, and some how I’d managed to find it. In an instant I was changed - the chasm in my chest disappeared as her soft hands rested against it - her touch instantly healing all my wounds. And she was perfect: exactly the same, beautiful Bella I’d fallen so deeply in love with. My eyes drank in her face as I tried to understand how I could have found this heaven.
“Amazing, Carlisle was right,” I murmured in shock. I still couldn’t believe it - she was so real. It was as if we’d never parted - the pain, the guilt, the loneliness were all gone. Is it possible? Would we be together forever, just as she promised?
As I looked at my love her lips moved. “Edward,” she barely breathed, and the word filled me with euphoria. The rest of her speech was lost to me; I was so surprised. Was it truly her?
I reached out to touch her cheek, and was rewarded with the soft warmth and slight blush I’d longed for these past terrible months. The look on her face was one of concern, and as the clock tolled again I wondered if her time with me would be short. It didn’t matter - even this one second was enough.
She took a deep breath against me and her face softened. “I can’t believe how quick it was. I didn’t feel a thing - they’re very good,” I told her. She still felt fragile in my grasp, the same as always. Though the sight of her astounded me, I closed my eyes briefly and kissed her silky hair. Even after death, both hers and mine, she hadn’t changed and I was reminded of Romeo on that last earthbound day… “Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, that had no power yet upon thy beauty.” The clock gave up its final chime, and no matter where I was it could not be better than this.
“You smell just exactly the same as always,” I said and took another quick breath, feeling the flames scorch my throat with thirst. The sensation surprised me; I would have expected the thirst to be quenched in heaven. “So maybe this is hell. I don’t care. I’ll take it.” I looked down at Bella, never wanting to leave her ever again, no matter what the cost to me. She spoke, but I wasn’t listening. “…They can’t be far away!” She squirmed in my arms and looked up at me with panic in her eyes.
“What was that?”
“We’re not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-” as the last word left her lips I heard other whispers… Is he in the light? Can we take him? …Wait - you have your orders… Realization suddenly struck me and the danger to my Bella, my living Bella, became crystal clear.
As my heart rejoiced, I spun her around, placing her against the wall so that none of the guard stalking me could get near her. But she was alive, with me… for the time being…