Questions
Today has been rather interesting. I was uploading pics to my computer for a while, and then Kayla came down and we swam and went through poetry books for inspiration. (I know...kinda weird....but that's just how we are.)
Then she went home, and immediately called back in a frantic state because she found out she was moving on Friday!! :( Soo sad...I cried...and I cried and cried and cried. Even though that child annoys the hell outta me some times, she was my first friend, and I love her with all of my heart, and I am gonna miss her so much. Things just won't be the same...
Anyway, just to give you a run-through of the last few days...Friday as you know I went to the movies, and Saturday I read and surfed the Internet (I sound like a total nerd, haha) And then went to my g-mas for "Cards" and saw my cousin Jess..which was nice. Then I came home and couldn't sleep so I was awake until 6:30am reading (yet again...sounding like a nerd.......!) and when i FINALLY got to sleep, I then got up at 10:30am...so I am running on 4 hours of sleep, and tonight is going to be probably just like last night because I have alot on my mind...Kayla and the way her stupid family is (If you want more details, just ask me because I can't get into it on here) and then Jessica (my cousin) and her situation, and then my life in itself.
Latley, I don't know how to feel. I don't know what I should or shouldn't do...I don't know who I am anymore. There are so many people in the world, each telling me I should be something else. "You're too skinny..." "You're not skinny enough..." "You party too much..." "You take life too seriously." And then there are the things that I question myself on...What are my values? What exactly is my religion? Am I living right by God? Am I being a good person? Am I a good friend? Am I staying true to myself? Am I letting other people push me too much to do things I don't want to do?
My life is so fragile at this point...I just don't understand what to do now........
I know you are supposed to wait for stars to fall before you make a wish on them, but what if I don't want to wait? I want all these questions I have in my mind to just go away. I don't wanna have to wonder if why I'm doing what I'm doing, I wanna know. I want to be in control of my own destiny. A few months ago, my life was good. No actually, it wasn't good, it was GREAT! But now, it sucks. It's like when you get a birthday cake that is perfectly decorated with all the pretty icing and decorations...it's so perfect that you don't wanna cut a slice out and ruin it. Well, that's what I did...and I didn't just cut out a slice, I chopped up and mauled the whole effing thing, and now it's all so messed up that I can't fix it. I wish and wish on star after star that things will magically go back to normal, but they haven't yet...and maybe never will.
Summer is supposed to be a time where you can relax and just chill and have fun, but that's not what it is at this point. Even though Iva and I are working things out, it's far from over. No amount of damage-control that I do can recover some of the lost friendships over this. And then there's all the crap in Kayla's life, which I feel bad for. And then there's the minor things that I had to worry about anyway...and now Kayla is leaving. My first friend, my heart, my soul....my everything for 10 years....is gone in 5 days...and there is absolutley nothing I can do about it....
Well, that's all
~*!*~Jo-Lynne~*!*~
Then she went home, and immediately called back in a frantic state because she found out she was moving on Friday!! :( Soo sad...I cried...and I cried and cried and cried. Even though that child annoys the hell outta me some times, she was my first friend, and I love her with all of my heart, and I am gonna miss her so much. Things just won't be the same...
Anyway, just to give you a run-through of the last few days...Friday as you know I went to the movies, and Saturday I read and surfed the Internet (I sound like a total nerd, haha) And then went to my g-mas for "Cards" and saw my cousin Jess..which was nice. Then I came home and couldn't sleep so I was awake until 6:30am reading (yet again...sounding like a nerd.......!) and when i FINALLY got to sleep, I then got up at 10:30am...so I am running on 4 hours of sleep, and tonight is going to be probably just like last night because I have alot on my mind...Kayla and the way her stupid family is (If you want more details, just ask me because I can't get into it on here) and then Jessica (my cousin) and her situation, and then my life in itself.
Latley, I don't know how to feel. I don't know what I should or shouldn't do...I don't know who I am anymore. There are so many people in the world, each telling me I should be something else. "You're too skinny..." "You're not skinny enough..." "You party too much..." "You take life too seriously." And then there are the things that I question myself on...What are my values? What exactly is my religion? Am I living right by God? Am I being a good person? Am I a good friend? Am I staying true to myself? Am I letting other people push me too much to do things I don't want to do?
My life is so fragile at this point...I just don't understand what to do now........
I know you are supposed to wait for stars to fall before you make a wish on them, but what if I don't want to wait? I want all these questions I have in my mind to just go away. I don't wanna have to wonder if why I'm doing what I'm doing, I wanna know. I want to be in control of my own destiny. A few months ago, my life was good. No actually, it wasn't good, it was GREAT! But now, it sucks. It's like when you get a birthday cake that is perfectly decorated with all the pretty icing and decorations...it's so perfect that you don't wanna cut a slice out and ruin it. Well, that's what I did...and I didn't just cut out a slice, I chopped up and mauled the whole effing thing, and now it's all so messed up that I can't fix it. I wish and wish on star after star that things will magically go back to normal, but they haven't yet...and maybe never will.
Summer is supposed to be a time where you can relax and just chill and have fun, but that's not what it is at this point. Even though Iva and I are working things out, it's far from over. No amount of damage-control that I do can recover some of the lost friendships over this. And then there's all the crap in Kayla's life, which I feel bad for. And then there's the minor things that I had to worry about anyway...and now Kayla is leaving. My first friend, my heart, my soul....my everything for 10 years....is gone in 5 days...and there is absolutley nothing I can do about it....
Well, that's all
~*!*~Jo-Lynne~*!*~